#1
lots of thomas pynchon and allen ginsberg this week. the flesh is not a sin. zanas i read your comments and tried to take them into consideration for this one. but, i really hate the idea of a standardized rhythm or meter or anything like that, and i don't use the line break as a pause, rather a rough visual margin, and flow is not so much a problem for me as it is for everyone else. not saying people are reading my work wrongly, but placing a little too much emphasis on how it's rolling off the tongue. i often don't want it to be smooth where it should be smooth, or purposely break it and annotate it so you have to reread it to get it down. sorry, tangent. forgive me. here it is.

nervous puppies headbobbing inch-pawing closer we
snort each other's scents try to guess trustworthiness
dashing guppies in a lukecold tank smashing our
aqueous eyes into the glass walls search for
some sort of escape
virgins under cover of moon and sheet exploritouching
finding more of nothing inside each other's somethings
being in the equalizing blinding darkness so we
fail to spot each other's spots scars imperfections
skin deep impressions we can only correct by
grasping parts unknown imagining the underneaths
ouroboros cycles of flee and find and find and flee
handcuffing our wrists to our ankles to try and untangle
the cysts and mangles strangling our love and myth
lemmings we'll chase each other
until the other leads the other
right off a ****ing cliff.
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#2
This really killed. Each line felt hurried to a point with quick breaths before the next one started. Great use of a portmanteau, and perfectly executed at that. Basically everything after the "escape" break was really cohesive and had great flow to it. "Imperfections/impressions" rolled off nicely, the internal rhyming got tighter until the end, which was also solid.

Very impressed.
#3
"virgins under cover of moon and sheet exploritouching, finding more of nothing inside each other's somethings" This line was fantastic...