#1
your eyes can see , to bottom of the seas
in the depths you breathe , you put your mind at ease
construct a cave and hide your fears away
stagnant brainwaves, drives the world insane

stuck in this , faceless dimension
nail me to my , dead obsession
when did it all , fall apart
my self destructive , work of art

is this real , am i just dreaming
is this real , am i just sleeping

eyes black with disdain , i drive you away
sedate my shame , i lose my name
same story everyday , i crawl to my grave
same story everyday , i run to my grave

is this real . am i just dreaming
is this real , am i just sleeping
is this real , cant believe this
is this real , i hope im sleeping

i cant wake up
i cant wake up (repeat and fade out)
Last edited by nosuchmanasmole at Mar 13, 2012,
#3
thanks man

dead obsession is alot more relevant the subject matter of the song , yeah you guessed it an ex girl friend chliche i know

made some minor changes
#4
I liked it, only part Id change would be "same story everyday , i crawl to my grave
same story everyday , i run to my grave" I think I just didn't like the repetition of "to" maybe it could be running from something, which would lead to going towards the grave, as in
"same story everyday , i run from my_____
same story everyday , i run to my grave"
Implying the fist action is what's causing you to die/ want to die/ whatever that line is supposed to mean.

Other than that don't put spaces in front of commas , its annoying .
#5
haha sorry im from the spell check generation

constructive feedback though thanks, i did think i need to change that line myself to be honest i could think what else to put so i just repeated it but you've given me some ideas to work on thanks
#6
Check a rhyming dictionary to see what you can fit in there, you might find some decent words.