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#3
What did the dentist give the marching band? A tuba toothpaste!!!!
R.I.P. M.C.A.
Tweet at me bro
lushacrous loves you
Quote by blake1221
Don't be ludicrous, lushacrous.
Quote by Gunpowder
that joke regarding your username was NOT originally posted by blake1221. That was a Gunpowder original.

I INVOKE SOPA TO SMITE YE FOR THIS FALSEHOOD.
#4
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

e|---4-----|
B|---4-----|
G|---4-----|
D|---6-----|
A|---6-----|
E|---4-----
Last edited by Oyface at Mar 16, 2012,
#5
Almost every joke on that website is about Heather Mills. And the ones that don't rip on her aren't even funny.

Quote by Oyface
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

e|---4-----|
B|---4-----|
G|---4-----|
D|---5-----|
A|---5-----|
E|---4-----


icwatudidthar
I shall grant you three wishes.

None of which will work.


Does the above post enrage, offend or confuse you?

Good.


I like my women how I like my guitars. Curvy and like it when I finger them.
#6
Quote by Oyface
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

e|---4-----|
B|---4-----|
G|---4-----|
D|---5-----|
A|---5-----|
E|---4-----


Heard that one before.

Know how to make a million dollars singing blues?

A: Start with two million.
"You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore"
#7
What do you get if you play country music backwards?

Your wife, your house, your job, your kids...
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
#9
Quote by stealstrings
Heard that one before.

I stole it from another UG'ers signature. Can't remember who, ages since I saw it.
#10
Three musicians walk into the bar. A blonde. A brunette. And a ginger. Which one is the drummer?

Answer: None of them
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Sadly this is Ultimate-guitar, not Simple-guitar. We can't help you.


#11
Quote by jani92jani
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.


A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."




"You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore"
#12
Quote by stealstrings
Heard that one before.

Know how to make a million dollars singing blues?

A: Start with two million.


Check out my lyrics! (C4C)

Critical Condition
Tombstone

Quote by SteveHouse
That's actually the point of this. Tell your inner editor to shut the fock up and just write.
#13
Quote by jani92jani
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.


A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."


OOHH LAWDY!!

#14
How do you call a guy who's hanging out with a band all the time? A drummer.

What's the difference between a bassist and a rhino? One stinks and produces low, fart-like sounds and the other is a rhino.

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? A hundred. One to change it and another ninety nine to say that they could have done it better.
#16
Quote by jani92jani
*Mozart*

Brilliant.


King Crimson joke:
Instructor: "Class? Class! We'll begin today's lessons by tuning. Start with your low E string..."
Kid: "Instructor? I'd like to tune by fifths."
Instructor: "Don't get Fripp with me young man!"
Breakfast, Breakfast, it's great for us
We eat, we eat, we eat
That frozen meat
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it can't be beat
#17
Quote by Oyface
I stole it from another UG'ers signature. Can't remember who, ages since I saw it.

I think it was the guy with the weird chord as his name. GbAminsomething.

I think people refered to him as jewchords.
Breakfast, Breakfast, it's great for us
We eat, we eat, we eat
That frozen meat
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it can't be beat
#20
Quote by Crazyedd123
I think it was the guy with the weird chord as his name. GbAminsomething.

I think people refered to him as jewchords.

... Jewchords? I know who that is, but never heard that nickname.

Oh well, Jewchords it is then!
#22
Quote by Oyface
I stole it from another UG'ers signature. Can't remember who, ages since I saw it.


I think it was Banjocal but I'm not sure...
#23
You throw a bassist, and a guitarist off a cliff. Which one lands first?
The guitarist. The bassist had to stop and ask for directions.
#24
Drummer jokes aren't funny >_>

What's a guitarist's favourite fish? Tuner!
#25
inb4 Banjocal comes in and wins this thread

edit: or Incognito

281-330-8004, that's my cell phone number, hit me up on the low
Last edited by moscaespañol at Mar 16, 2012,
#26
Quote by moscaespañol
inb4 Banjocal comes in and wins this thread

Best joke so far!


I'm just kidding Cal don't be mad at me please?
#27
So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors."
So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility.
The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar
#28
^^ That is possibly the best music joke I've ever seen
Then I read the Mozart joke. Outstanding.


What's tragic about 5 clarinet players in a car going off a cliff? You could've fit more!

How do you tune two piccolos? Shoot one.

What's the difference between a chainsaw and an alto sax? Vibrato.
Minecraft: Sonic
League of Legends: CinoSRelliK


Currently Playing/listening to/Reading:


Kerbal Space Program,
Binding of Isaac
Opeth - Orchid
S. by Doug Dorst
The Martian by Andy Weir
Last edited by S0n1c '97 at Mar 16, 2012,
#29
Quote by lncognito
So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors."
So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
Then D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility.
The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar

Just.... D:
#30
Quote by whoomit
Just.... D:

lol, the drummer doesn't get it.

281-330-8004, that's my cell phone number, hit me up on the low
#34
I love that I get that now from my music classes.
Quote by Fat Lard
Why would you spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn about a language you already speak? It was over before it even started dude

Quote by captainsnazz
brot pls
#36
Quote by Oyface
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

e|---4-----|
B|---4-----|
G|---4-----|
D|---5-----|
A|---5-----|
E|---4-----

Abdim+7?
#37
Bassists
Quote by So-Cal
Incest is wincest!

Quote by Neo Evil11
Because he's the hero The Pit deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Anus.
#38
Quote by Krieger91
What do you get if you play country music backwards?

Your wife, your house, your job, your kids...

lol

You lose your tractor and beer though.
#40
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise
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