#1
- I'm making my Chopin Liszt. Be Bach in a minuet.
- Why is the famous classical composer unable to be found in a casual listener's CD stand? He was Haydn.
- Bach's not, rich. He was b'roque and he's very Straussed about it. Do you think he can Handel it?
- Why some much violins? Canon we just get along?
- Nothing wrong with sax and violins!
- Can't we resolve this tension and all live in harmony? It would be a major improvement.
- Telemann about what's going on again?
- Verdicussing musical jokes and puns.

Post more, even if they aren't puns but just jokes!
Woffelz

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#2
Nice little read, I enjoyed that!

If you can't find anyone to sing with, you have to duet yourself.

Hey Chad, Kenya shake Djibouti while dancing the Congo?
Last edited by mdc at Mar 16, 2012,
#3
Inb4 all drummer/bassist/guitarist/singer jokes

seriously though; always see sharp or you'll be flat.
Are You a PROG-HEAD? I am.


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#4
C, E-flat and G entered a bar.

The bartender said, "Sorry, I don't serve minors".

The E-flat left and the C and G had an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth was diminished and the G was out flat.

An F entered and tried to augment the situation but was not sharp enough.

A D entered and excused himself to the bathroom, saying "I'll be just a second".

An A entered but the bartender wasn't convinced that this relative of C was not a minor.

Then the bartender noticed a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar. "Get out right now' he yelled "you're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight".

The next night the E-flat returned to the bar in a 3 piece suit. The bartender said "You're looking sharp tonight. This could be a major development".

This was the case, when the E-flat took off the suit and stood there au natural.

Eventually the C sobered up and realized he was under a rest.

He was brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and was sentenced to ten years of D.S. without the the possibility of a coda.

On appeal, he was found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, because the accusation was bassless.

The bartender decided he needed a rest -- and closed the bar
#5
- A dead writer of music is de-composing.
- I wanted to be a clarinettist but I couldn't reed music.
- There's a repair shop for baroque musical instruments.
- A music store was robbed. The thief made away with the lute.
- She was given a violin lesson for free, with no strings attached.
- Those who hate classical music have my symphony.
Woffelz

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#6
lulz

A top movie producer was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring several top movie stars.

Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis were present.

The producers allowed each man to choose which famous composer they would portray.

Stallone said, "I'll play Beethoven."

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Mozart."

Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be Bach."
#7
Quote by Woffelz
-
- I wanted to be a clarinettist but I couldn't reed music.


liked this one
#9

What kind of a MS Pain redacting attempt is that? What the hell are the dots for? There's more to paint than the brush...
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


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#10
This was the case, when the E-flat took off the suit and stood there au natural.
#14
how do you get 12 bagpipes in tune, take 11 of them away.

what do you do if you see a drum set in the middle of the road, speed up

what's the difference between a soprano and a corvette
most musicians have never been in a corvette
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I would recommend the marshal MG100

Very versatile and quality sound. It should treat you well
#16
you know you're a guitarist when you break a G string while fingering Am
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One time I watched a dog lick his own dick for twenty minutes.

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No.


Well, technically it could be done, but only in the same way that you could change a cat into a hamburger. It's an unpleasant process, and nobody is happy with the result.
#17
What are the worst classical music puns you have ever heard. And by worst I mean best since we're talking about puns.

We were about to go through a Handel piece in orchestra. Our conductor says, "Can you Handel it?"
Of course there are the classics,
#18
My favorite has always been "I broke a g-string while fingering a minor."
FUCK YOU ALL!

666 BLACK METAL HOLOCAUST!!!!!
#19
Quote by Northernmight
My favorite has always been "I broke a g-string while fingering a minor."


Because your knob was too high?
Woffelz

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#20
How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
- Ten. One to actually change it and 9 to say "I could have done it better/faster."
#21
Quote by t.vigardt
How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
- Ten. One to actually change it and 9 to say "I could have done it better/faster."

How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one... but the guitarist has to show him how to do it first.
#23
What does a male quartet consist of?

Three men and a tenor.
Woffelz

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I'm a student. I've got no time or space for an amp!