#1
Going insane.
(verse 1)
My brain is going in the wrong direction again,
Im not safe in this body I cant defend,
I cant decide on where I want to go,
I see the signs my insanitys starting to show.

(chorus)
And I see it in my eyes,
I might have crossed the line,
Somethings wrong something is not right,
Im way too weak to try,
To fight for what is mine,
Its too late I think im losing my mind.

(verse2)
I cant stop looking back when no ones there,
I cant get off from this feeling that just stares,
Its starting to rain I keep on slipping then I fall,
Its drifting away I cant reach it anymore.
Meh
#3
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
The bolded part seems painfully redundant.


Thanx but How could I improve that line?
Meh
#4
Quote by lildudenikki
Thanx but How could I improve that line?
Maybe try describing wrong. I mean, in the three lines below you get into how it's wrong. But try a short descriptive metaphor. Something that invokes in the listener. For instance, most of us would find a blood red moon to be kind of terrifying. Obviously, that metaphor doesn't fit with your song, but it's just an example. Whatever you use, have it fit the feeling and context of your song.

Stretch your songwriting capabilities if you have to. Try several different things. Find what works in a way that compliments your song perfectly.
#5
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
Maybe try describing wrong. I mean, in the three lines below you get into how it's wrong. But try a short descriptive metaphor. Something that invokes in the listener. For instance, most of us would find a blood red moon to be kind of terrifying. Obviously, that metaphor doesn't fit with your song, but it's just an example. Whatever you use, have it fit the feeling and context of your song.

Stretch your songwriting capabilities if you have to. Try several different things. Find what works in a way that compliments your song perfectly.


Jee thanx for the advice I really appreciate it.
Meh