#1
Just wrote this song on a whim after seeing a friend I havens seen in a while pop up Facebook looking hot :L, Its a bit soppy but I had a mad crush on her so give me a break :P

Its been about 2 years
Since I last saw you,
Thats longer than I knew you for,
And in that time,
We were hardly dearest valentines.
We spoke in school,
Never anywhere else,
Except the mornings you called,
At my house to walk

So how do I still miss you?
Your piercing eyes, your flowing hair,
I remember you so clearly,
Like you were always there.
And I knew "we" would never happen,
You were out of my league,
But I wish I meant as much to you,
As you secretly meant to me.

So how could I fix this?
Ring you and say "hows things"?
Even if I got no closer,
Id at least get some closure.
But what do I do instead?
I write this song and post it on the internet,
rather than let you know what you meant,
But even if you found this here,
I doubt you'd realise it was for you, Claire


Damn I need to go write something upbeat now.
#2
First of all thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. Secondly, yes this is sappy lol, but I enjoyed it. Probably because I can relate. The only thing I can suggest is to add more details. When I'm reading it, the pacing just feels really rushed. Also another thing, is it feels a bit clicche, but I won't fault you for that cuz I don't think you were trying to be original or anything like that here. Just getting your emotions down on paper. Anyways, I hope to read more from you soon.
#3
Thanks yeah, it did all just kind of fall out in one sitting but i though if i worked on it more id end up throwing it away so i just put it up.