#1
I had a few people I know say they liked this, but I don't trust them to be honest.

I figured you lot would be more critical.


Flashes and crashes, the sky rips apart.
My mind is unsettled and there's fear in my heart.
Looking for strength in an unlikely place,
I called out to God, and he laughed in my face.
So I'm all on my own in the cold dark damned land,
but I might find strength if you'd take my hand.


I fight through the shadows and the ghosts hiding there.
The ghosts of my past, sure I have my fair share.
Invincibility was just a dream of my youth,
but now that I'm grown up I see the truth.
I've made my mistakes, and I have my regrets,
but don't give up on me now, I'm not finished quite yet.


Like a newborn child, I lay myself bare.
The sins of my father are not my sins to share.
So examine me closely, don't hold back critique.
I was once brash and apathetic, now humble and meek.
I set sail from the havens to a far distant shore.
I'm not running, just moving on to find more.


I heard a sweet whisper come down from above,
and I knew it was you that it made me think of.
That voice guides me on over waves of despair.
Surely if I make it that far then I'll find you there.
I'm ready to anchor my ship once again,
so I enter safe harbor and search for a friend.


Her smile breaks the darkness like a star through the clouds,
and her eyes shine at me, piercing my shrouds.
My heart is laid bare for the first time in years,
and in no time at all she's vanquished my fears.
Yet to this day I still fear the soft call of the waves,
dragging me back to the life from which I was saved.
#2
As far as a writing piece goes, it was simple.


But for my personal enjoyment, it was great. A fun, rhythmic bounce all the way through. Luckily, you handled the subject matter well enough to balance out the simplified rhyming scheme. I'd love to hear it on acoustic.
#3
Quote by blake1221
As far as a writing piece goes, it was simple.


But for my personal enjoyment, it was great. A fun, rhythmic bounce all the way through. Luckily, you handled the subject matter well enough to balance out the simplified rhyming scheme. I'd love to hear it on acoustic.



Yeah I didn't really mean for it to be too complex. Eventually I'd like to put it to some simple music.
#4
I like it. Yeah, it's hardly the most complex piece, but it's very enjoyable. The rhythm and rhyme scheme really work well.

The only thing that bugged me was "Flashes and crashes". It's slightly cliche.