#1
And when you look at
the night sky
you see
the juxtaposition of
light and dark
like black felt
pin-pricked and back lit
by the gentle hum of
a thousand flashlights
Where-as
I see my grandmother’s irises
all those tiny flecks,
incandescent
like love letters passed
between young hands, read,
and lit at the edges
until the fire licks the air
and burns your
fingertips

I am told I
take after her
and from what I’ve seen
I am inclined
to agree.

Do you understand
what I am trying to say?
Because if you don’t you never will
and that would be
a real shame
#2
Quote by OfLuckAndDust
And when you look at

I would remove the "And". Never start off a song with "And", "But", "Or", etc.

Quote by OfLuckAndDust
the night sky
you see
the juxtaposition of
light and dark
like black felt
pin-pricked and back lit
by the gentle hum of
a thousand flashlights

I have a hard time seeing how this part of the stanza leads into the 2nd part of the stanza. Now, maybe it's just because it's so long. However, it feels like you're REALLY taking your time getting to the damn point.

Quote by OfLuckAndDust
Where-as
I see my grandmother’s irises
all those tiny flecks,
incandescent
like love letters passed
between young hands, read,
and lit at the edges
until the fire licks the air
and burns your
fingertips

Amazing! This part is really moving. Well done.

Quote by OfLuckAndDust
I am told I
take after her
and from what I’ve seen
I am inclined
to agree.

Do you understand
what I am trying to say?
Because if you don’t you never will
and that would be
a real shame
This ends the song well, I think.
#3
the poem starts with 'and' because there was more before it and more after it though none of it was suited to the work and so i took a thin knife (the kind used to cut open the belly of a salmon) and gutted the night.