#1
I tried to write something slow and depressing, and this is the result.

I know that the Verse/Choruses can be a bit monotonous, but there will be vocals over this (death growls). I can't really tab death growls, so just imagine some undecipherable growling over the verses and choruses. You can check the lyrics out for yourself, hit F5 and click on the Lyrics tab (written by my vocalist friend, not me), or just check the bottom of this post.

I might change some sections/the order in the future, I'm not completely settled on the current structure, but it flows relatively well.

Listen to the GP5 if possible, I haven't checked GP4/.mid so some parts might not sound as intended.

Drop a link and I will review/crit your song as well.

Length: 3:45

Quote by Lyrics
Obsidian masses
Falling through blistered hands
All constructed, rubble rusted
We are gathering dust

The minutes bleed to hours
in a world painted scale grey
Ashen marionettes helpless
Spin through dying wind

Shards of shimmering night
Rain on as the light bleeds
Out from this place
We're running out

Of time, these monochrome moors
Whisper sweet arsenic
Destroy the equilibrium
And the sanctity is lost again

Rising wendigo moon high
Above fleeing footprints
We can never retrace
This cannibal path

Spirits devouring
The hope of a better day
Lost in the light
Gleaming eyes shine
Attachments:
Ashen.gp5
Ashen.gp4
Ashen.mid
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
#2
Not gonna crit the song atm (maybe later), just wanna say that I really dig the lyrics lol.
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#4
@Ometh: I'll let my friend know, lol

@dvm25: Thanks! It's in C# major (C# D# E# F# G# A# B#).
All is ghost in memory and poison in the sun
Last edited by Wquennasar at Mar 26, 2012,
#5
...Im going to say this in the nicest way possible... I loved it :P haha, seriously, love those harmonies, love the riffs though I would change the drums for something a little more versatile. Nonetheless I really like it. Keep it on, I'd want to hear more from your band / project !

P.D: Btw maybe you can help me out with some critics in this thread.. I'd appreaciate it! https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1529453
Last edited by chronos1989 at Mar 28, 2012,
#6
I think clean vocals would work pretty well on this rather than death growls, or I can imagine vocals similar to In Flames.

The song has quite an epic feel to it, especially with the chord progressions, which for the most part were pretty generic, but I still liked them for the atmosphere created.

It was very melodic in general, the solo was nice, and I'm a sucker for pianos in metal. I was a fan of the harmonies too. But one thing that I thought let down the piece a fair bit was the drums which didn't stand out at all. I felt the outro was a bit weak as well, the drums would really help make an impact at the end.

The other thing is that I didn't find it that original, which isn't necessarily bad, but it's hard to stand out that's all. It just reminds of a lot of bands I used to listen to. But still, Ii kept my attention throughout, and it's a nice song.

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1524280
#7
Crit as I listen
Intro (0:00- 0:47): I understand you are going for slow and melancholy, but I feel that if it moved a little more (drum-wise) it would work out better. Other than that, really good.
The next section (0:48- 1:12) really grabbed my attention, flows very well, and has really nice harmony in the guitars. I like how the bass moves as well.
Afterwards (1:13- 1:39), the song feels like it slows back down and builds up into the next section. I like this part because it just allows more tension for the next part.
(1:40- 2:03) is a repeat of the section that grabbed my attention. Good stuff.
(2:04-before solo) is really interesting. Kind of more happy sounding than anything, so I'm not sure if you would keep it that way.
The solo is awesome, as is the keyboard part that follows it, I think I enjoyed these parts the most.
(3:07-outro) is good. The outro seems off to me, not note-wise or anything, just doesn't fit the mood of the song. Maybe end on a chord.
Overall, the song is very well put together. I would change up the drums a little, and add some diversity.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1531036 C4C?