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#1
hey guys.

i just wanted to say that i just had a pretty epic wank. you guys were asking for it with all of those "porn chicks too ____ for porn" threads.

Discuss.

Inb4 pics or it didn't happen.

Pointless tl;dr in order to make my post slightly longer:
I just jerked off and it was so epic that it brought the ****ing BROOTZ!!!
#2
You're so cool.
R.I.P. M.C.A.
Tweet at me bro
lushacrous loves you
Quote by blake1221
Don't be ludicrous, lushacrous.
Quote by Gunpowder
that joke regarding your username was NOT originally posted by blake1221. That was a Gunpowder original.

I INVOKE SOPA TO SMITE YE FOR THIS FALSEHOOD.
#6
I took a poo earlier, it was the best.
To be vulnerable is needed most of all, if you intend to truly fall apart.


Quote by due 07
You have no idea how much I don't want to tell stories about my mother's vaginal slime on the internet.


I make music sometimes.
#11
Quote by OVER9000VIDEOS
once i was whackin it, and i farted and the jizz hit my chin


I'm really contemplating sigging this too. I give myself a 12/10 for this epic thread.
#12
Quote by OVER9000VIDEOS
once i was whackin it, and i farted and the jizz hit my chin

That's disgusting.
#17
Quote by Jon777
Thanks for sharing.


My pleasure.
D'you know what else was my pleasure?

Wanking to the naked photos of your mum on the internet and then meeting her a the local strip club and having hardcore sex with only to find out that she had blue waffle. D'you know what i did then? It was a great pleasure to slowly and steadily eat her blue waffle.

Does anyone else want to share any sex stories or stories of some of their excellent wanks? Go ahead.
Last edited by TheDuckMajor at Mar 29, 2012,
#19
Quote by TheDuckMajor
My pleasure.
D'you know what else was my pleasure?

Wanking to the naked photos of your mum on the internet and then meeting her a the local strip club and having hardcore sex with only to find out that she had blue waffle. D'you know what i did then? It was a great pleasure to slowly and steadily eat her blue waffle.

Does anyone else want to share any sex stories or stories of some of their excellent wanks? Go ahead.


gay guys can't have sex with women. so your story can't be true. sorry.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#20
Holy shit man you are so hardcore!


I wish I could be as awesome as you TS
Pittsburgh Penguins: 46-22-6
#22
Quote by Jon777
Yep, done with this thread.

Adios.


You're just jealous that your mum had sex with me and not you and you've never seen her naked. I could PM you the links but you're a bitch and I feel bad for your mum so I wont. It's such a shame that she doesn't have a son sexy enough to have sex with like most families should. Incest FTW
Last edited by TheDuckMajor at Mar 29, 2012,
#23
Quote by TheDuckMajor
You're just jealous that you're mum:


Quote by TheDuckMajor
that you're mum:


Quote by TheDuckMajor
you're mum:


... yeah.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#24
Quote by badguitarist13
Holy shit man you are so hardcore!


I wish I could be as awesome as you TS


Well... I'm a modest man but... I'm way too epic for you mere mortals. You'll never be as awesome and as hardcore as me.
#25
I haven't really truly enjoyed fapping for a while. I only use it as a way to procastrinate stuff now.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#26
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
... yeah.


Well would you **** me??
Seriously. I love it up the ass. It give me such a huge boner that i could probably use my dick as a lever to turn the moon.

Anyway, fixed.
#27
Quote by Neo Evil11
I haven't really truly enjoyed fapping for a while. I only use it as a way to procastrinate stuff now.


You should just quit life. You aren't hardcore enough. Hipster.
#28
Quote by TheDuckMajor
You should just quit life. You aren't hardcore enough. Hipster.


Instead of fapping I start my day with 2 bottles of Whiskey, 6 hoes and some broken glass as breakfast. Then I go off to my job which is saving snakes and other dangerous animals from falling from a 300 meter cliff, allwithout rope. I end my day by saving 3 kittens from a burning nuclear power plant.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#29
Quote by Neo Evil11
Instead of fapping I start my day with 2 bottles of Whiskey, 6 hoes and some broken glass as breakfast. Then I go off to my job which is saving snakes and other dangerous animals from falling from a 300 meter cliff, allwithout rope. I end my day by saving 3 kittens from a burning nuclear power plant.


Saving animals is for pussies. If you're a pussy then having sex with 6 hoes is totally lesbian. Lesbian can't be hardcore by default. If you are a hardcore lesbian then you'd have to be a hipster. Hipsters can't be hardcore at all so either way you can't be hardcore.

Whisky makes you feel hardcore but is also for pussies. Vodka is for real men like me. Broken glass is for noobs. i have venomous fangs for breakfast.
#30
Quote by TheDuckMajor
Saving animals is for pussies. If you're a pussy then having sex with 6 hoes is totally lesbian. Lesbian can't be hardcore by default. If you are a hardcore lesbian then you'd have to be a hipster. Hipsters can't be hardcore at all so either way you can't be hardcore.

Whisky makes you feel hardcore but is also for pussies. Vodka is for real men like me. Broken glass is for noobs. i have venomous fangs for breakfast.


I...


Here's my man card.... I don't deserve it.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#31
Quote by TheDuckMajor
You should just quit life. You aren't hardcore enough. Hipster.


Go the fuck away until you learn what words are.
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#32
Quote by Primus2112
Go the fuck away until you learn what words are.


I'm hardcore. I don't need to know the meaning of words.

But, seriously, I know what hipster means. It is practically a must for UGers to wank on a daily basis and Mr. Pussy over here is going against that trend. He is being a hipster.
#33
Quote by TheDuckMajor
I'm hardcore. I don't need to know the meaning of words.

But, seriously, I know what hipster means. It is practically a must for UGers to wank on a daily basis and Mr. Pussy over here is going against that trend. He is being a hipster.


I do wank sometimes... I just don't enjoy it that much anymore. I actually listen to the stories in the porn now.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#34
Quote by Neo Evil11
I...


Here's my man card.... I don't deserve it.


I feel like such a king.

Anyway, it was a good decision giving back your man card. You really are worthless.
#35
Quote by Neo Evil11
I do wank sometimes... I just don't enjoy it that much anymore. I actually listen to the stories in the porn now.


Once after every injury on an Arsenal player should get you back into the game.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#36
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
Once after every injury on an Arsenal player should get you back into the game.




How about a hooker after every lost match?
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#37
Quote by Neo Evil11



How about a hooker after every lost match?


Can't you just use a young boy/girl in your own vicinity? The Arsenal way ya'know.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
#38
Quote by JohnnyGenzale
Can't you just use a young boy/girl in your own vicinity? The Arsenal way ya'know.


Can't. Wenger dictates an age that would be illegal for me.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#39
Quote by Neo Evil11
Can't. Wenger dictates an age that would be illegal for me.


I thought he was cool with paedophilia. After all he's from France who are next to Belgium.
sometimes I see us in a cymbal splash or in the sound of a car crash
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