#1
Twist and turn like
a paraplegic just found movement.
Open windows, draw back curtains.
Blackened eyes, headaches relent.

Imagine walking down a poorly lit street.
You have to get in somewhere, but
every door you try is locked.
Thats what it's like when you can't sleep.
2 hours till morning, getting scared.
Every freight ship, tilts and rocks.

Turn over pillows, turn over empty thoughts
kick them out like rubbish cans on roads.
And break down walls, and hurtle stones.
Deface public property, and hurtle stones.

Imagine, if you will, spending 5 hours in silence.
Pitch black, all alone, with only your own mind.
Keep telling youself it'll all be soon,
praying for sleep, with internal lies.
#4
Quote by ultrasonic

And break down walls, and hurtle stones.
Deface public property, and hurtle stones.
Saying "hurtle stones" twice, unless intentional, is redundant.

The rest of it was very good. It's very compelling.
#5
Quote by crazysam23_Atax
Saying "hurtle stones" twice, unless intentional, is redundant.

The rest of it was very good. It's very compelling.


It was intentional, but i'm pretty happy it with it Thanks very much though, and thanks also to everyone else
#6
I dig it, but I would take out the line: "that's what it feels like when you can't sleep." We get that from the title. Allow your readers to put the pieces together. It makes them feel like they figured something out that others could not, which in turn will theoretically force them to enjoy it more. At least that's the way I approach my writing. I'm also drunk.
#7
nice one dude
Gear:
Boss MD-2
Fake Gibson Les Paul
Washburn BD12R
Kawasaki Acoustic

Quote by Lots O' FX
digoutyerarse: none dig deeper


I"M SO RANDUMZ LOL