#1
A little while ago, I made a bad decision. You see, I was lonely and so I hired myself a
prostitute. I know, irresponsible, but I did. Plus, she was asian with cute eyes and some
really nice legs. So I called her up after finding her ad in the local sun paper (I know, how
insane of them to have such ads in such a popular newspaper) and she came over and well
let's just say we got the ball rolling

Finally, we were finished in what felt like a really long time (but was really thirty seconds
only) and I realized I didn't put my condom on. I was too excited to realize that it wasn't
on me. We freak out and ask each other if we have HIV or syphilis or any STDS of the
like. Lucky, we didn't, but that still ended up worrying me for a while. I mean, I just had
sex without a condom with some girl I don't know. I guess I had her ad number?

Yesterday I got a phone call from that same number. I didn't know she could use the same
one to call people with. Thought it was some sort of work place only thing, anyways, the
unusual thing about this all is that she even remembered my number or who I was

Finally, after an hour or so of crying on the phone (was really only 30 seconds again), she
urgently hung up, realizing she couldn't talk to me or break what the bad news was. So I
called her back and she picks up quickly, surprisingly. It turns out she's pregnant, and the
kid could be mine. Fun.

How did this happen? I'm still a student in university. I have so much in life I have not
even begun to appreciate, and now I could be a father with some prostitute I don't know.
And to top it all off, she wants to name the baby Jonhulio The Great and I can't say how
dumb that name is. But names are names, the fact is I'm 22 and I am about to become
somebody's dad, or even husband. How do I break this news to my family?
#4
Can you help me pit? One time I used a lot of time to make a really bad april's fool joke, but i didn't fool anyone
#5
You should perform a vivisection on her. Then rape her, then rape her baby. Then kill both of them with a plastic spork from Popeyes. Then eat a 16 piece spicy chicken with some red beans and rice and fries
2013 #5 Uger
2012 #7 Uger

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#6
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
I'm 22 and I am about to become somebody's dad, or even husband.

Well don't marry the kid
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Tweet at me bro
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Don't be ludicrous, lushacrous.
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that joke regarding your username was NOT originally posted by blake1221. That was a Gunpowder original.

I INVOKE SOPA TO SMITE YE FOR THIS FALSEHOOD.
#7
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
nusual thing about this all is that she even remembered my number or who I was

Finally, after an hour or so of crying on the phone (was really only 30 seconds again), she
urgently hung up, realizing she couldn't talk to me or break what the bad news was. So I
called her back and she picks up quickly, surprisingly. It turns out she's pregnant, and the
kid could be mine. Fun.

She was phone.
#9
I fvck girls all the time.

I'm sure it'll all work out...
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#11
Quote by lushacrous
Well don't marry the kid


I meant the kid's mom, you dork

This is a tough time for me though. But thank you for lightening up the situation.

You're a good guy, Lush. Don't let anybody change that for you. Not even Squidward's house.
#12
Quote by lushacrous
Well don't marry the kid

This, I don't see how that helps remedy the situation at all. If anything, it'll make things more tense and look worse for the family. I'm also pretty sure it's against the law.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#17
Quote by behind_you
It's 12:06 pm here. April fools ends at noon.


Anybody who agrees with this rule is a pussy who can't handle a whole day.

Also there is never a deadline for when reality will hit you the most. If there was, I'd avoid these times every day.
#18
To be honest, I don't see the problem. Worst case scenario is that you marry a hot asian who is actually willing to have sex with you. There are men who envy you, Pagan, there are men who envy you...
#21
Least your baby will have nice legs
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