#1
This is a song I've wanted to finish for a long time, but cant get my head around it.

However this is MOST of it, and I'm fairly proud of some of the sections.

Your opinions are very welcome.

Cheers guys.
Attachments:
Unfinished.gp5
#4
I've listened to this a couple of times, and this morning when I woke up it was stuck in my head, so I feel obliged to comment on it now

I really like it, it's exactly the kind of prog/'djent'-type stuff I like. Atmospheric, melodic, and not so technical you can hardly follow it. The intro theme is very strong, I like it a lot, and the assorted riffs are very good too. Sometimes they come a little out of nowhere though, maybe try to smooth the transitions out a bit. Also, I wonder if there isn't room for another riff before you reintroduce the theme? It seems like we're just getting into the riff before and suddenly the intro is back again, maybe draw out the part before.

Other than that, really good work. Would love to hear it finished - I'd especially like that tapping lead at the end to carry on a little, that was sweet.
#5
Quote by BelowTheSun
I've listened to this a couple of times, and this morning when I woke up it was stuck in my head, so I feel obliged to comment on it now

I really like it, it's exactly the kind of prog/'djent'-type stuff I like. Atmospheric, melodic, and not so technical you can hardly follow it. The intro theme is very strong, I like it a lot, and the assorted riffs are very good too. Sometimes they come a little out of nowhere though, maybe try to smooth the transitions out a bit. Also, I wonder if there isn't room for another riff before you reintroduce the theme? It seems like we're just getting into the riff before and suddenly the intro is back again, maybe draw out the part before.

Other than that, really good work. Would love to hear it finished - I'd especially like that tapping lead at the end to carry on a little, that was sweet.


Thanks mate, I completely see your point about it not flowing as well as i could. I think its probably because i wrote about half of this, and then left it for a looong time as i couldnt progress it any further, but i was listening to it not so long ago and suddenly found a way of furthering it, but because maybe it was a different day, I couldnt find the flow i was in that day, if you get me?

Its why i think songs like this need to be written in one huuuge long session, or atleast in a shorter period of time.
#6
liked the intro, first riff hits with some great grooves. love the following transition repeating the intro section. theres a lot of great riffs in here dude, some sections i was really impressed with but i didnt feel that same consistancy all the way through. maybe be aware of the contour as the song progresses, as it develops certain repeated ideas seemed to end the motion of your phrasing. C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1533933
#7
Quote by Wylie_guitar
liked the intro, first riff hits with some great grooves. love the following transition repeating the intro section. theres a lot of great riffs in here dude, some sections i was really impressed with but i didnt feel that same consistancy all the way through. maybe be aware of the contour as the song progresses, as it develops certain repeated ideas seemed to end the motion of your phrasing. C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1533933


Cheers man, I be critting yours now
#8
Well this isn't bad by any respect, it's pretty well written, it's catchy and all, there's really not that much I can critique out of this piece.

The only part I find has no place in the song is the riff after the intro (bar 17), first off it sounds a bit juvenile, the transition into it is weak, and it doesn't really fit into the song the way it is at the moment, so I'm not a big fan of that section tbh.

The rest is really simple djenty rhythmics, and while nothing unique it sounds fine.

I dunno. It's a well written piece, overall lacks originality though. My opinion would be that perhaps you should focus on developping quirks and stylistic approaches that are very much "you". like certain phrases, moods, or things like that that you particularly enjoy and that stand out from other artists, and try implementing that in your work.
#9
This a great song... Quite atmospheric. I love the fact that you use a little lydian flavouring in there. I love the sound of that mode. So even that makes the song great. It feels a little different to djent to be honest. Reminds a little of Devin Townsend, another plus. I also quite enjoyed the solo (or at least the beginning of it). I'd love to see where you take. I have no gripes thus far.

Regards and Kudos,
Victor

P.S. Stickied.
The clock strikes midnight
When tomorrow and today collide
The moon is at its highest
And the twilight seems fitting
For in these moments
The light at the end of the world
Shines like a thousand suns....


Victor Gutierrez
#10
Quote by bassburton
This a great song... Quite atmospheric. I love the fact that you use a little lydian flavouring in there. I love the sound of that mode. So even that makes the song great. It feels a little different to djent to be honest. Reminds a little of Devin Townsend, another plus. I also quite enjoyed the solo (or at least the beginning of it). I'd love to see where you take. I have no gripes thus far.

Regards and Kudos,
Victor

P.S. Stickied.


Thanks a lot mate, I didnt quite know what to call it, so Djent was the nearest thing if you seee?

I fecking love Devin Townsend so a lot of the melodic influence comes from him.

As Far as the "lydian flavouring" goes. I love looking for those little differences in melody that can make a song rather than having it just distinctly major or minor, there are certainly one or two places in this song where i purposely took time to think of something different to standard tonal phrasing.

Anyways, thanks very much for the comment!