#2
1. Sounds very empty. No real chord progression, just a finger pattern played on different frets. May want to get a bassist and another guitarist.
2. Drums are meh. Have your drummer learn some syncopation/hemiola.
And I'm not gonna say anything about cookieee monster.

It needs work.
#3
After giving it some thought, here's my advice. Stop listening to shitty metal. Practice with a metronome, so you can have some actual SPEED, and go practice for two years. Then try again.