#2
it's the government reading your's (and everyone else's) thoughts and your amp picking it up but not being the exact frequecy so you just hear noise.
#4
I've heard guitars make similar noises when touched with a metal screwdriver maybe there is some metal touching you pickup? Do you have a watch or maybe a metal scratchplate?
SMILE!
#5
Maybe a wire got loose in your guitar.
Maybe a small piece of the wire's core is touching something it shouldn't in there?
If you have damaged wires you should put new ones in.
Have you tried a different amplifier? maybe that is the problem.
Make sure your jackplug reaches to the metal piece inside your Jackinput.
Or just leave your phone on a table a few meters away from your guitar.

If you tried this all and it still makes that sound. Well, then you got yourself a mystery! XD
#6
Sounds like a loose wire or connection in your electronics to me.
PRS SE Custom 22 <3
Fender Stratocaster '57 RI
Fender Super Champ XD
Tanglewood TW115 CW