#1
the places I bring you remind me
of water. a tuna fishing boat that
we never climbed on together at
fifty-five.

the places I smell on you were
created by others. a moment of
noise, below deck, fishing with
my dad.

(the air freshener in the head smells like your hair)

the places I find myself thinking
‘bout fishing. in an office building
downtown where the cars don’t
stop beep
to honk
and let fu*ck you
I got the light
you
walk. screech
the places I find myself stuck
in.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
Last edited by freshtunes at Apr 10, 2012,
#3
wow
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn


#7
The air freshener too quickly detracts from the overall theme and makes getting back into the next verses awkward. I'd say get rid of it.
Poor advice.
#8
one thing - I don't think you need to underline the narrative of the poem among the bold extraneous noise... except for "walk", maybe. there's enough distinction between the bold and unbold, and emphasizing what is underlined almost has it stand outside of the initial narrative, which (in my eyes) it shouldn't.

very nice though. glad to see this.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja