While it wasn't bad, it did seem a little disjointed at times, like you weren't too sure of what you were doing or playing next. Also, a lack of the use of the dynamics - lighter attack on the strings, versus heavier.

I do like the part around 2:17, where you threw in some unison bending... Also would've liked to see some doublestops. You can also toss in some half-step, or full-step slides from below or above.

So, you're on the right track and have the right idea. Just keep working at it.
It sounds good, nice phrasing. You should spend some more time with the major and minor scales, and gain better familiarity with the fretboard as a whole. Right now you're largely stickinh to pentatonic scales, in a limited box shape. By doing this you'll have access to more notes and sounds, and become comfortable with using the entire fretboard.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Not sure what you're not happy with... On that particular piece anyway

sounded Awesome to me, like everything was where it was supposed to be. it's subjective of course..

2 Thumbs up!!!
I Play Guitar
Some Like it
Some don't
I don't care
Beats Workin'