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#1
Right, so I need a massive poo all of a sudden, so I head to the bathroom, and let her loose.

Something must have disagreed with me yesterday, because I'm like a freaking upside down volcano here.

Look at the TP roll. 6 freaking sheets remain.

There's no way I'm cleaning myself up with just that, so I cast my eyes around the bathroom for a substitue, whilst doing the best I can.

I see some surface wipes, and I'm all "Hell, it's just tissue with some soap or something on it, no biggy" so I use a few of those, get cleaned up, and frankly feel a little bit proud of myself for not resorting to using either a towel or my boxers.

I'm on top of the world. Had a good poo, and avoided a catastrophe.

That is, until my anus started to burn.

Moral of the story:

Apparently, an Anus doesn't count as a "surface".
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#2
It wouldn't burn if you didn't stick your finger so far in.
Check out my band Disturbed
#3


I love you Metacarpi
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
#5
Lol ring sting
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#8
also if on a roller, always make sure you check the inside of the toilet paper...

Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#10
that must feel shitty.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
#12
Did not need to hear that (´・ω・`)
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#14
Quote by Kensai
Did not need to hear that (´・ω・`)


Seriously, that emoticon never fails to creep me out
Quote by apple_apple
oh my god! guitarViking is a genius... respect !!!

I'm GuitarViking! Don't you forget it!
#15
Should've just used your hand.
Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by Fat Lard
My name can actually be traced back to as early as the 1990s, it means "fuck off data miner"
#17
You should have just pulled up your pants, gone for a roll then return to the bathroom to wipe.
The content of this signature is pretty much irrelevant
#18
Quote by Mky
Should've used a sock.

I had to do that one night in a club.

Worst part was they were brand new socks, AND they were a gift
#19
Quote by Ichikurosaki
in that shituation i just have a shower

1/10

Also that picture is freaking terrifying. Now I will never look at my toilet roll and just grab for it haphazardly.
#21
Quote by Kensai
Did not need to hear that (´・ω・`)

[Help!] I keep reading bathroom stories in the Pit!

Quote by emad
jthm_guitarist
Warned for trolling!


Quote by metal4eva_22
Didn't you say that you had a stuffed fox that you would occasionally fuck?

Quote by Axelfox
It's not a fox,it's a wolf.
#22
At Download '10, after walking about 30 minutes to the main arena from the tents, somewhere through the afternoon I feel like I need a dump. I forgot my toilet roll. Asked a few mates, and they hadn't bought theirs either. I really, really needed to go. So I queued up at the 30 or so porta-crappers, in vain hope that this lottery of loo's, the one I go into has toilet paper. 20 minutes pass and I'm touching cloth, my time finally arrives. The portaloo was disgusting, shit on the side, piss on the floor. The normal. But the worst? No goddamn loo roll. And no way was I gonna not do my business. So, I tried doing the cleanest crap even, spread me legs, held my breath and pushed like a titan ramming a barrier. It wasn't so bad, but then, what do I wipe with? The only cloth I was able to see, that I could use, was my bright green boxers. So off they come, and I wiped away. Took a look after and laughed to myself that they now looked like camouflage boxers. Chucked them in the corner, scurried out the door, head down feeling sorry for the next person to enter. That little tiny room just got worse.
Yamaha Pacifica 112j
Marshall JCM 100DSL
Custom 2x12 G12H Extension Cab

Nevermind.........
#24
Should have done a Gary Lineker and wiped it with hands and then wipe said hands on a football pitch where he and other players would slide in it
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#25
Quote by slash_GNR666
also if on a roller, always make sure you check the inside of the toilet paper...



Oh shit, man... Another thing to look for while on the shitter.
G͔͓̅e͎͉̟̽ͬ͐̎̃͐ͨͅå͈͖͕̹̤̟̐̏͋ͅr̩͕̫̰̗s̹̳̼ͥ̒̍̄̅ͥ̚:


ESP Standard Eclipse I CTM VW
ESP LTD Deluxe H-1001
ESP LTD Deluxe Viper-1000 STBC
ESP Edwards E-EX-100STD
Warmoth Paulcaster "Tiger"
Tanglewood TW170 AS
Vox Tonelab ST
Blackstar HT-1R


#26
My cat just pooped in the sink.

My poop problems>your poop problems
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
#27
Quote by slash_GNR666
Lol ring sting

Woke up this morning with a really sore ass. I asked my friend what happened last night and he said "Ring sting".

"Why do you think he'd know?" I said.
#28
See, you could have used the wipes, then immediately headed to the shower to wash.

But here's a protip - eat bland, soft foods for a week or so, just to let the back end repair itself a bit.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#29


Also, I hate that people are starting to use (´・ω・`), creeps me out.
.
OSCILLATE WILDLY!
#30
Quote by Smeghead64


Also, I hate that people are starting to use (´・ω・`), creeps me out.


what is it??
Quote by lambofgod127
btw im in hs and im almost 18 so if u do think she was flirting with me dont say that its wrong im almost a grown man.




༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽ WE ARE ROB ༼ ▀̿Ĺ̯▀̿ ̿ ༽
#31
Quote by slash_GNR666
what is it??

I think it's a guy's hips, with balls in the middle, with the rampant hard on sticking up out of frame.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#32
Quote by jetfuel495
External use only, man. Read the warning label.

Also, rectal tissue is very sensitive and is very absorbent, apparently. Probably soaked up all those disenfectants like a sponge.

Your ass is gonna burn for a while. And your next shit will not be pleasant either.



This seriously made me
(With some snorting as well).

And thank you for that.
I now have a visual of TS taking his next dump screaming in pain.
And I'm laughing my ass off.


Quote by Ichikurosaki
you honestly didn't know that would end badly? wisdom does not come with age, clearly

in that shituation i just have a shower

That made me laugh as well.
Age? buahhaha
He's a late bloomer.
Last edited by CodeMonk at May 1, 2012,
#34
This thread

I usually go get some paper towels if there isn't any TP. Thankfully my sister also has these Always Wipes. Man those things do wonders, it's like a shower for your butt. Those have saved me many times when I didn't have time to shower before I leave the house.
Trust me, I'm a Jedi.

Quote by Minkaro
You must control your use of the force, young Trizek.
#35
Quote by slash_GNR666
also if on a roller, always make sure you check the inside of the toilet paper...


OH MY GOD!

That was always a fear of mine when I was younger.

Looks like I'll be checking again.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#36


Made my day..

...




Gozd in gora poj,
silen ženimo hrup,
uboga gmajna, le vpup, le vkup,
le vkup, le vkup z menoj,
staro pravdo v mrak tulimo,
da se pretulimo skozi to zimo
#38
I went to an all you cant eat place the other night and only ate protein and fat. Had like 5 plates worth of meats and meaty dishes.


There was much blood on the toilet paper the next day. More than I care to think about.
#40
This thread...
Quote by Kikuta
Sell your Valvestate to brainless 17 year old for mighty sums of dollars. Purchase a JMP for a pittance from a desperate seller. Masturbate to pictures of yourself and your new, real Marshall. Eternal glory awaits.

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