#1 synth
Weeow!
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
#1
standing on the side of love is a minute to minute action
electrically driven by millions simultaneously crashing
waves of hope to erode dogmatic fashion
keeping the underclass underfed dressed naked to keep from asking
why

why is cash-flow at the center of political centrifuge
while the poverty stricken are scapegoated for upper class buzzworthy news
meant to instill the message that there is something to lose
by touching the bare hands of a black man without gloves
that something unidentifiably precious will bruise
by standing on the side of love

why do we discuss which rape is legitimate
while lives are wasted trying to mitigate
how to feed a daughter of a rapist and a mother
whose stuck without options in a prison of highjacked Catholicism
quoting approximated jesus out of biblical assumptions

thumbs of hatred stuck firmly in the business of stopping abortion
blocking gay marriage legality while pro-porting
a land of the free
from sea to shining sea we are waterlogged as a nation
wrought with holes of desperate individualism
children strapped and addicted to psychotic medication

the home of the brave but when development push came to shove
we as a country chose to stand against the side of love

now in 2012, we must come together, maintain eye contact with the least of one another
hold out our hands without fear of deceiving eachother
pray for our fallen, no matter their background
always remember, a sister is always a sister, a brother always a brother

to reclaim our dignity as a global political entity
we must venture outside of the terminology of national security
we must forgo sleep when cities outlaw feeding those in poverty
we must hold up our crosses and symbols and sons
as how they exist in their absolute purity
as hope, patience, humility
whether you believe in heaven on earth or above
to live and die truly free
you must stand on the side of love
BjarnedeGraaf
UG's bear
Join date: May 2012
2,725 IQ
#4
this was awesome!
My Soundcloud

My beginner rig:

Epiphone Goth G-400 SG
Line 6 Spider IV (Don't judge me, I was young and stupid)
Stagg SW203N
Yamaha APX500
freshtunes
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
3,057 IQ
#6
Oh my god, I fuking loved this. Needs to be published. Not sure where I stand on the absence of puncuation, though..... part of me thought it worked well, part of me was annoyed at times.
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
jiminizzle
Lost Pilot
Join date: May 2006
2,775 IQ
#7
you're a really good reader. it's tough to talk about all this stuff tactfully but you did a pretty solid job here, dyl.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#8
This song sucked, your lines were too long, so long in fact, I dare you to perform this; If I were a record producer, I'd have binned this, it's not catchy, it's too much, it's like snoaring but a song.

A few rules to remember kid; keep it short, keep it sweet, and none of these paragrahps to do simple A A A A rhymes.

The fact that you had to force my attention span and everyone seems to love it, makes me wonder if anyone here actually knows what they're talking about.... Find some exisiting lyrics and compare them to yours, you'd see, by far, that you wrote way too much for this to be taken seriously.

I know what I'm talking about and I don't b/s people.
I'm not going to be polite and lie saying it's good because I got a rhyme or two.
You need to work on your song writing and make things less complex, compare yourself to the greats, and see what you're doing wrong... I've told you but, it's up to you to listen. Most of what I read was unnecessary fat that you've got to trim.
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
Last edited by treborillusion at Aug 29, 2012,
Bleed Away
th.
Join date: Feb 2006
2,671 IQ
#9
^Not sure if serious. It's a freestyle beat POEM, not a song's lyrics.
Mulbery
#1 synth
Weeow!
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
#10
Quote by treborillusion
This song sucked, your lines were too long, so long in fact, I dare you to perform this; If I were a record producer, I'd have binned this, it's not catchy, it's too much, it's like snoaring but a song.

A few rules to remember kid; keep it short, keep it sweet, and none of these paragrahps to do simple A A A A rhymes.

The fact that you had to force my attention span and everyone seems to love it, makes me wonder if anyone here actually knows what they're talking about.... Find some exisiting lyrics and compare them to yours, you'd see, by far, that you wrote way too much for this to be taken seriously.

I know what I'm talking about and I don't b/s people.
I'm not going to be polite and lie saying it's good because I got a rhyme or two.
You need to work on your song writing and make things less complex, compare yourself to the greats, and see what you're doing wrong... I've told you but, it's up to you to listen. Most of what I read was unnecessary fat that you've got to trim.


my response is one of love when I say:
when someone has to go out of their way to say that they know what they are talking about, they generally do not know what they are talking about.

but, to humor you, dare accepted.
culex-knight
mon titre d'utilisateur
Join date: Jun 2004
400 IQ
#11
Rofl.

Solid work Dylan.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#12
I tripple dog dare you to recite it. rofl
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#14
Hmmmm...
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
ali.guitarkid7
Gets Easier
Join date: Oct 2009
2,302 IQ
#15
Yeah, this is well done but I'm still distraught by how un-catchy it is.


No really, this is great
Quote by Aeolian Harmony
Ali priori / Ali posteriori
Quote by GuitarGod_92
Jesus christ Ali is a nutcase

I actually feel sorry for him, like seriously, get help
treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#16
This thing is like a big poetic monolog.
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
parkt921k
samoKai
Join date: Mar 2008
1,037 IQ
#18
say whatever you want about this, .. but kudos for the soundcloud music accompanyment. That should be more the norm up in this b

+1
tman267
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2011
138 IQ
#20
Can't say I agree with all of it politically, but the writing is f**king great. Honestly, I could see this even being used in a rap, similar to the Flobots style.

And to Treborillusion, it clearly states it's a spoken word poem, not top 40 lyrics
James Donovan
Banned
Join date: Jul 2012
10 IQ
#21
Awesome work dude! The smooth flow made me watch it 3 times repeatedly. Well done!
kdownes
one among the Fence
Join date: Dec 2006
2,587 IQ
#22
I will say, I definitely felt more of a connection hearing this, than reading it. Something about your delivery sold it to me more than the raw words, which is how it should be with spoken poetry of this kind. You have a hypnotic speaking style, it's something else to listen to.