treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#1
I've got the pages and I've got the poems
and God only knows and woa - No

I've got the feeling, I've got a soul
I hit the ceiling, I loose all control - Yeah

I've hit the bottom, and fallen through
I'll tunnel in under, comming for you - Yeah

And when you see me I'm with bad news
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
ali.guitarkid7
Gets Easier
Join date: Oct 2009
2,304 IQ
#2
lose*
coming*

I hope this isn't too blunt, but this piece didn't have much going for it. Not much at all, I would say. Most of what you said read like cliched regurgitation of the past 10 years' worth of pop songs, so this was really lacking in substance and meaning. Flow wasn't really anything special either.

I don't mean to be mean, just honest, honestly. Keep writing though, you'll get there.
Quote by Aeolian Harmony
Ali priori / Ali posteriori
treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#3
Thank you, for the corrections...

Lose, Coming, gracias.
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#5
I could swap the o with a u.

But it's coming.
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.