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Japanese beetle crawling into my ear canal while sleeping, tore up tissue around the canal and did damage to the ear drum, lost some hearing permanently, went into shock, etc. Sucked ass, but the beetle paid great prices
hide your kids, hide your wife.

Quote by angus_young_32
I'd rather kill myself than commit suicide.

UG Hatecrew FTW
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
One time I had testicular torsion. It was a cold cold night and I was chilling in my bed under the electric blanket all nice and toasty. I had the urge to take a piss and then I jumped out of my bed. I then had this sharp pain in my crotch and it was worse than anything I have ever felt before.

I was quickly rushed to the hospital and according to the story, the doctor figured I had testicular torsion and checked my nut with an ultrasound to make sure. They said that they could either manually put my nut back in place, or surgically do it. I chose surgically since it has a 90% success rate.

Luckily they fixed my nut within the 6 hour limit, because if they didn't fix it, I would be missing a nut

Basically it seems like the cause was that I was nice and toasty under the blankets and my nuts and sack were "hanging down" and when I came out of bed, the huge temperature spike when my nuts contracted caused my nut to get twisted.

Needless to say, I always get out of bed slowly now

I've had the exact same thing before and it's definitely pretty painful, but I don't remember it being like excrutiating or anything. Then again it could've been the pain medicine I still had from a previous surgery. Main thing I remember from that surgery was asking girls if they wanted to see my scars! (I was 15 at the time.)
I'm an

I'm Good at Math
Last edited by J-Dawg158 at Sep 17, 2012,
I had an inguinal hernia when I was a baby. Intestines spilling out and all that. It could happen again.
Two occasions come to mind:

I burnt myself with a frying pan that some halfwit left in the oven. I couldn't play guitar for weeks. The skin was all blistered to shit.

Second I got cramp in my calf which most of you know is agony though this was more painful than any cramp I've had before. I was asleep and woke up instantly. It lasted what felt like many minutes. Only a moment later my other calf cramped up. The morning came I couldn't walk for stabbing pains in my calf.

I'm sure you lads would agree that urinary problems are agony. Like pissing fire.
On playing the Paul Gilbert signature at the guitar store extensively, my missus sighed:
"Put it down now, It's like you love that guitar more than me!"
In Which I replied.
"Well it has got two F-Holes!"
Quote by captainsnazz
Beat that. It's even worse than it sounds.

None shall beat this. I have a post earlier that includes a metal chain to the eye, a dog bite near but not on my nether reigons and a vicious sting ray sting i got as a kid.

All pale in comparison to the penile fracture also known as "Broken dick" according to the article.
Knowledge is power
I accidentally self immolated when cooking a fry up. it hurt loads after the initial burning, and I had to wear this gauze vest thing.
I've cracked my head open a few times, broken my nose, ribs and a few other things, but nothing hurt half as much as trapping my fingers in a door. Like the hinge bit. The guy held the door shut, heard my own fingers breaking, and had to have reconstructive surgery. Bloody awful.
I had urine leaking out of my kidneys after surgery, and not just a little but ****ing bucketloads. Never been in worse pain in my entire life, and it lasted for 12 hours. And worst of all, none of the pain medicine helped.

I don't mean leaking out of my skin lol. It was an inside leak.
Quote by LostLegion
Holy shit his dick is black

Being a black male i fail to see the problem.
Knowledge is power
Quote by whywefight
Without sounding racist, it just shouldn't be that way. It's not normal. White people should have white dicks!

Knowledge is power
1-Broke my leg when i was 8 years old, it was all my fault, i jumped from a chair to a pull up bar and lost my grip, landed awkwardly on one leg and it just snapped, was a spiral fracture, so both bones in my lower leg were broken, luckily it wasn't a compound or anything. My brother was in the room at the time and didn't realize what the damage was, so he was just laughing his head off. When i think about it, it makes my leg feel funny.

2-Had a three hour long tooth extraction, it was meant to take about an hour at the most, but the top of the tooth just came off when the dentist was prodding at it, so he had to extract each piece of the root individually, the injections hurt a lot, by the end of it, he couldn't give me any more anesthetic, so in the last fifteen minutes it was starting to wear off. I had a panic attack when he was working at the last root because my face and jaw were so tired, i ran to the bathroom in tears and when i looked in the mirror there was blood all over my mouth.

3-I put a cigarette out on my hand for no reason at all, it was stupid, and the wound afterwards hurt like a bitch.

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
Twisted my ankle at school when I jumped over the last few bottom stairs on my way down (and I've done this plenty before without injuring myself, I just happened to land on my foot awkwardly). This happened to me twice (first time in my senior year of high school, second time earlier this year in my third- and final- year of alt school), and both times I had to stay home from school the following day (and had to use crutches to get around). Thankfully, both times it healed rather quickly, and I was already off the crutches by the second day (though my ankle was still pretty tender for a while afterward, so I walked with somewhat of a hobble).
Quote by Kikuta
Sell your Valvestate to brainless 17 year old for mighty sums of dollars. Purchase a JMP for a pittance from a desperate seller. Masturbate to pictures of yourself and your new, real Marshall. Eternal glory awaits.

Last edited by rocknrolldude43 at Sep 17, 2012,
Had 10 teeth pulled at once so that my adult teeth would grow correctly. ****ing hurt.
'And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,
A certain look in the eye and an easy smile.'

'You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to,
So that when they turn their backs on you,
You'll get the chance to put the knife in.'
Worst injury for me would be ripping open my kneecap. Basically, my kneecap was cut down to my patella, and I could just see the muscle and stuff around my knee. Ended up with a '<'-shaped scar on my knee. Doing it wasn't the most painful part. The most painful part was when the doctor put her hand inside my knee to pull of some twigs and leaves, while I had been given no pain medication. A hand rummaging around inside your knee is not pleasant at all...
I broke my arm when I was four. I assume this would be the most painful thing, but I don't actually remember it hurting. So instead, you get this story, which happened to me a week or two ago.

I was playing video games from Friday evening, to Sunday afternoon, at about 3:00, with semi-regular breaks. I decided to take a break, and when I shut the tv off, I noticed odd circles in my vision, both of my eyes. I passed it off, and assumed it would go away in a few minutes. It got worse, and worse, until at about 4:00. I suddenly got a huge headache. I felt lightheaded, and assumed I would pass out.
This is where it gets weird. I suddenly got huge stomach cramps. Huge, as in I fell to the ground. I got extremely nauseous, and crawled to the bathroom. I was laying in the bathroom, with a bucket beside me for about 2 hours, with a constant headache, stomach cramps, nausea, and a weird sensation, sort of out-of-body. I finally got good enough to stand up, and I laid in a recliner chair. This lasted for another hour, until I got good enough to walk around. My eyesight was still pretty bad, so I tried to fix it by looking at far away objects. I went to bed early, and was fine the next day.
I never did vomit, either.

The thing I don't get, is the stomach pains. My father suggested that it was the fact that I ate a whole lot of watermelon not too long before, but I've done that many times.

tl;dr Massive and long lasting head and stomach pains, as well as nausea.
6 year old me was climbing on an old fire engine in a shoe shop. Slipped, fell off the bonnet. Balls introduced to bumper.

7 year old me, ice skating. Using some sort of balance aid (for teh lulz) constructed from a triangular platform with a handle going up to hold. It got stuck to the ice, it fell over, I fell on it. Balls introduced to triangle corner.

A few weeks ago, a horse stepped on my toes.

It wouldn't surprise me if I am infertile. Though it would make me sad...
Quote by Todd Hart
Shooting your friends with a real gun is a definite faux pas.

Quote by mystical_1
Professor Plum in the Studio with a new Amp

Quote by snipelfritz
If only I were the only one at home right now. I don't need my parents asking who Mr. Wiggles is.
Last edited by AtaBorMan at Sep 17, 2012,
Quote by Ninja#117

well, in his defense, it is pretty weird for a caucasian man to have an african penis
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
I ended up tearing my vagina a bit, from too many orgies
Quote by slapsymcdougal
I'm cockblocked regularly by my appearance and personality.
I just got an ingrown and infected thumbnail. No idea how. It was killing me over the weekend, felt worse every second. Couldn't sleep last night due to the constant excruciating stabbing pain. It was HELL. Got it checked out today, and the drainage procedure was DOUBLE HELL. Doctor thought I was going to pass out or puke, and honestly I felt like it. Plus I have to do that myself four times a day, making it, uh... OCTUPLE HELL. On the other hand I am currently drifting somewhere around the International Space Station on vicodin.
Having a catheter that was inside of me for almost 3 weeks be removed while I was awake. Imagine the most ALIEN pain ever....and then put that pain on our dick
Quote by Lion_Slicer
I just got an ingrown and infected thumbnail. No idea how. It was killing me over the weekend, felt worse every second. Couldn't sleep last night due to the constant excruciating stabbing pain. It was HELL. Got it checked out today, and the drainage procedure was DOUBLE HELL. Doctor thought I was going to pass out or puke, and honestly I felt like it. Plus I have to do that myself four times a day, making it, uh... OCTUPLE HELL. On the other hand I am currently drifting somewhere around the International Space Station on vicodin.

Puns! Puns far as the eye can see!
Do you like anime/manga?
PM me about buying the graphic novels I'm trying to sell
I broke my finger a few months ago, that hurt pretty bad.

Also landed on my neck/back ish area on a trampoline once. Couldn't even walk after that.
Quote by FoolOnThePlanet
Puns! Puns far as the eye can see!

oh god please not my other hand
I've had major surgery on both of my hips that involved cutting through layers of muscle and sawing through bone (my femurs were sawed clean in two, as well as a few spots in my pelvic bone) and then screwing things back into place. Although the surgery itself happened during general anesthesia, waking up afterwards and trying to move my leg because I couldn't remember where I was was undoubtedly the most painful experience I have ever had, pain meds and all.
My signature lacks content. It is, however, blue.
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