VulturusDRFSR
Rock 'n' Roll Junkie
Join date: Sep 2012
173 IQ
#1
So this is an 80s anthem style song I wrote. The chorus is sung by the whole band and/or crowd. I'm debating whether to keep that last pre-chorus or not. Also I'm not to keen on the third line in the pre-chorus so if y'all could help me there that'd be cool. Criticism and help is much appreciated!

Verse 1:
You were always taken care of; always got what you want; now there’s no one living just for you
Now you gotta work to get somewhere in your life and you’re not exactly sure what to do
You’re too scared to go out there and try to take a risk ‘cuz you don’t know what to do if you miss
Even if you fall just get back up and move on; c’mon and do it just like this

Pre-Chorus:
We could die today ‘cuz people say we all die young
Might as well live it up for everyone
Here we go tonight let’s tear this place to the ground
All I gotta do is here you shout it out loud!

Chorus:
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!

Verse 2:
I can’t stand that you’re always putting others down just because of what they choose
You’re the one who’s scared with every step you take and their living with nothing to lose
You always judge people by the first thing you see; you say they’re going straight to hell
But you never look inside and see what you’ve done wrong and it makes me want to get up and yell

Pre-Chorus:
We could die today ‘cuz people say we all die young
Might as well live it up for everyone
Here we go tonight let’s tear this place to the ground
All I gotta do is here you shout it out loud!

Chorus:
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!

Guitar Solo

Pre-Chorus:
We could die today ‘cuz people say we all die young
Might as well live it up for everyone
Here we go tonight let’s tear this place to the ground
All I gotta do is here you shout it out loud!

Chorus:
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!
Last edited by VulturusDRFSR at Sep 22, 2012,
Petey Cook
UG Newbie
Join date: Dec 2005
688 IQ
#2
Alright. Here's a question to get this discussion started. Let's assume that the horrific grammar, complete lack of rhythm, terrible flow or and negligible coherence don't matter. Let's put that aside for a second.

Now let's consider one thing: What of what you said during the chorus of the pre-chorus has anything to do with saints or sinners? What character traits are you describing as saint or sinner?

Now, after you answer that above question, we should really talk about the things I put aside.

- Pete
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VulturusDRFSR
Rock 'n' Roll Junkie
Join date: Sep 2012
173 IQ
#3
Quote by Petey Cook
Alright. Here's a question to get this discussion started. Let's assume that the horrific grammar, complete lack of rhythm, terrible flow or and negligible coherence don't matter. Let's put that aside for a second. What songs have perfect grammar? There is actually rhythm and flow but you don't get it without the instrumentation behind it. I agree it looks like a lot of random stuff haha.As for the coherence, I somewhat agree with you there, do you have any suggestions on how I fix them?

Now let's consider one thing: What of what you said during the chorus of the pre-chorus has anything to do with saints or sinners? What character traits are you describing as saint or sinner? The song is about just living life and having a good time, much in the spirit of the 80s. The first verse talks about people that always play it safe, never take risks and basically just go with the flow. The second verse is about people that always judge others and hate people for what they are yet they never look inward and notice their own flaws. The chorus and the sinners and saints is simply the hook.

Now, after you answer that above question, we should really talk about the things I put aside.

- Pete

I'll work on that. Thanks, Pete.
Guitars & Basses:
Epiphone 1967 Flying V
Fender Precision Bass
ESP X-Tone AC-20EFM

Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 15
Ampeg BA-108

Effects:
Dunlop CryBaby Classic
BOSS DS-1
Petey Cook
UG Newbie
Join date: Dec 2005
688 IQ
#4
There is actually rhythm and flow but you don't get it without the instrumentation behind it.


Exercise:

Set this to music: "Your lyrics are a stumbling, outdated, emotionless and just flat out annoying set of words set to a probably very crappy tune."

When you match it up to music, I might care about your rhythm and flow.

- Pete
Newest Lyrics:
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Short Stories:
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treborillusion
UG Fanatic
Join date: May 2009
3,126 IQ
#5
I like

Chorus:
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!
Here's to the saints!
Here's to the sinners!

There's this pub/bar I know in town called Saints & Sinners



This song would go down great in that place just for that.
Quote by laid-to-waste
look nigga, if you're chillin with 5 bros and 2 hos, you're gonna wanna pay attention to all of em equally. not moon over the hos forever and laugh at every shitty thing they say and just stare at them all night, like some of my mates do.
VulturusDRFSR
Rock 'n' Roll Junkie
Join date: Sep 2012
173 IQ
#6
Thanks, Pete. I always knew I could count on your optimism. Thanks, treborillusion, I like it too haha. And that's pretty cool, dude. I should play it there.
Guitars & Basses:
Epiphone 1967 Flying V
Fender Precision Bass
ESP X-Tone AC-20EFM

Amps:
Peavey Vypyr 15
Ampeg BA-108

Effects:
Dunlop CryBaby Classic
BOSS DS-1