Sounds awfully rough round the edges man, It sounds ok but some parts sound like you just made it up on the spot such as 1.49 and 3.05.

The lead melody doesn't sound right in parts and they need revising.

The vocal melody is spot on, don't like the long long long long long lyrics, but that's just my personal preference.

Just my 2 pence
good shit dude, just keep making songs and working, the emotion and feeling is all there.

lead guitar is fishy but **** that its cool
Member of the Frank Zappa Fan Club, PM deadhead313313

People Wouldn't know good music if it hit them in face
- Frank Zappa

Carvin CT3
Digitech GNX3
Peavey Classic 30
That play you uploaded really is not fair for you. Cause if you work it, it 'll be a nice song. Plus your voice is nice as long as you work on it...