Fredmac12
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2012
997 IQ
#1
Very different to my other pieces, thought I'd try something else.


And all will hear, but hear nothing
All seeing but all blind,
For here and there unaware so fair
'tis unfair to be aware of the beauty therein
Yet to be hidden's, a good riddance
To the fairness she would bring*
So farewell, goodnight
To the light bestowed into my sight
For to be unseen by the one unseen by all,
So humbled.

Comments, criticisms all welcomed, C4C if you leave a link!
crazysam23_Atax
Feuergesicht
Join date: Oct 2009
5,710 IQ
#3
I greatly enjoyed that! I liked how it seemed to simultaneously contradict and then reconnect with itself.
Fredmac12
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2012
997 IQ
#4
Thanks! I am a fan of trying to use contradicting things, paradoxes, impossibilities etc... If you have any thing you want me to take a look at leave a link
BjarnedeGraaf
UG's bear
Join date: May 2012
2,725 IQ
#5
im not a big fan of the hidden's/riddance line. I might be wrong and im not good at deciphering deep words like these, but that seemed a forced rhyme to me.

other than that particular line, I thought the rest was amazing
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Fredmac12
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2012
997 IQ
#6
I didn't feel that rhyme was forced actually, imo it's genuinely what I was trying to say, but thanks for the feedback!
smartalecG94
Just my Bronze showing
Join date: Feb 2011
183 IQ
#7
I really enjoyed the constant rhyme, often more than once for the same sound. To be honest I had to read it twice to really comprehend it, which is due more to my own scatterbrainedness than anything on your part. It's a good piece by me

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Fredmac12
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2012
997 IQ
#8
Quote by smartalecG94
I really enjoyed the constant rhyme, often more than once for the same sound. To be honest I had to read it twice to really comprehend it, which is due more to my own scatterbrainedness than anything on your part. It's a good piece by me

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If you had to read it twice, that's just what I was after with this piece! Thanks, I'll take a look at your work when I'm on my computer not my phone