This is a party political broadcast from the so far ignored R'lyeh party

#1
Ladies, Gentlemen, non-binary gender-defined folk and monkeys of UG. I have a dream! A dream of a thousand screaming faces burning in the infinite labyrinth of eternal ice! A dream of a day when a man can proudly walk down the street wearing the flayed skin of his enemies! A dream where all humans are equal, and all shall recieve equal damnation!

I understand that you are holding some form of 'election' for President of UG. As the mortal herald of my master, I am here to express his most unholy fury at being left out of the nomination process, and a promise that, should you elect Him, you will all pay for that in the pain of a thousand knives piercing your eyes! He has prepared a list of policies for your perusal, which reads as follows:

1) Public flaying by civillians will be legalised and encouraged. Anyone who opposes public flaying will be flayed.
2) A million new jobs will be created as part of a government initiative to raise and restore the sunken city of R'lyeh. This will provide an excellent boost to the economy, as well as provide new territory to house a growing population.
3) New laws will be passed to protect those with facial disfigurement, such as green tentacles over the mouth area, from hate crime.
4) Sacrifice of infants will be legalised and encouraged. Rivers will run red with blood. Any who oppose sacrifice of infants will have their youngest relative sacrificed.
5) The police force will recieve new reinforcements at very little cost to the taxpayer. These reinforcements will all be golems and thus will not require money to be wasted on their wages.
6) The police force will have the authority to throw anyone into the Infinite Labyrinth of Eternal Ice, at their discretion. No proof of criminal activty will be necessary for this.
7) The only activity deemed 'criminal' will be to oppose our Divine Master.


I hope that this will convince you that all other candidates are not worthy of your support.

Vote Cthulhu!

Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
#2
I'm scared of tentacle porn being the new epidemic.
We're all alright!
#3
Boring. Vote lost. Go back to your population 200 mountain town and serve ice cream you yokel.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#4
I vote we bury this thread under the ocean.
She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the thirty-seventh floor of a skyscraper. She's an astronaut.



Quote by matt bickerton
Doesn't at all surprise me why so many people here tend to think you're a douche
#5
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
I vote we bury this thread under the ocean.

Yay.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#6
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
I vote we bury this thread under the ocean.

I second that vote.

Also, let's throw a bunch of debris on the city of R'lyeh. Cthulhu ain't nothing.