剣 斧 血
Pimp, apparently...
Join date: Jan 2010
654 IQ
#1
Your skin was always so appealing
Sweet to touch, painful, but satisfying
Now, my dear, it's safe to say
You have the allure of rusted gold
How wrong was I
To trust, think you different?
Another liar
Another coward
Another...

She likes you
But I love you

Now I sit broken limbed,
Licking wounds
For you to play cupid
After, willingly,
I placed my heart in your hands

And you call me insane?
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
Last edited by 剣 斧 血 at Oct 2, 2012,
剣 斧 血
Pimp, apparently...
Join date: Jan 2010
654 IQ
#3
Quote by seventh_angel
I don't like the repetition of sweet on the second line, and the question mark should be moved after "different" I think.

Everything else is good, I especially loved the ending; it was simple, but I enjoyed reading it.


Thinking on it, I definitely agree about the question mark. And I think I may exchange the second "sweet" for "satisfying", it sounds better in my head. Thanks for the advice.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
Bair
UG Fanatic
Join date: Sep 2005
2,875 IQ
#4
gold dont rust fool! anyway, its pretty good. depressing, but good. is this about a g/f turning gay?
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

"And there's Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American Blues music"
剣 斧 血
Pimp, apparently...
Join date: Jan 2010
654 IQ
#5
Quote by Bair
gold dont rust fool! anyway, its pretty good. depressing, but good. is this about a g/f turning gay?


Nah, it's about a girl who turned me down, told me she doesn't want a boyfriend until after exams in June and now has one. Then started telling me that I could get with her friend straight after revealing she'd just got a boyfriend.
It didn't take long to realise
The safest place was not her arms, but her eyes
Where she can't see you
For her gaze, it blisters;
Grey skin to cinders
Bair
UG Fanatic
Join date: Sep 2005
2,875 IQ
#6
bummer dude
"Spin the middle side topwise. Topwise!"

"And there's Jimmy Page, the biggest thief of American Blues music"