Eccer
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2006
70 IQ
#1
Epistemology Of A Man's Armpit

"Well, who knows who, and who knows the who?
Who just learns in a manner of seconds?
Yes, the it
Why you ask?
Well
Why don't you question your armpit? That's where all the shit speaks.. you know
Where mans toxic trails can be seen, so they say
So! Back to where we started

Sometimes it haunts me
This alphabetical rhyme
Kids singing in a choir
Happily without care
When suddenly, this macabre scene unfolds before my eyes
Children.. aligned on a conveyor belt
They are all blind
Wearing nothing but silk robes
And their arms.... reeks of the dead..
The stench is unbearable
A
And worst of all, They are given these absurd tools
B
Machines feeding them to the brink of death
C
Still, happily ever after they sing
D
As the conveyor belt descents. Where darkness utmost lingers..
E
On and on they chant, in an endless terrifying choir
F
The language is unknown to me, but somehow it makes perfect sense
G
As if I've heard it a thousand times before
H
Tears
I
I find myself weeping, but I don't know why and how
J
Feels like decades..
K
But then it hits me
L
And I wonder
M
If man will ever change
N
This suicidal path must end..
O
I grab my vest
P
Shaking myself
Q
With all my might
R
I have to wake up!
S
My armpit radiates, pouring sweat all over
T
.... And I finally realise
U
When I hear this loud... chime
V
Louder...louder by the minute
W
It beckons to me, calling
X
Soothing tranquility, wrapping itself
Y
Like a fine coil
Z
The world starts to flicker

Finally I am able...to remove this shroud
How could we have known? Who we are, and who is?
Our mother tongue, is not what it seems to be
It is.. where ultimate order dwells
A global unseen doctrine
So you tell me
Am I insane?"
Last edited by Eccer at Apr 14, 2013,
Bag'ed
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2011
10 IQ
#2
This is a very anxious piece. Literally, I think its about anxiety itself and if it is, then you've done a fair job at depicting it. A couple of qualms I have with this is the swearing at the beginning. I'm not against profanity in poetry but I feel it has to be central to the piece. Not just arbitrarily throw it in there. Also, if you were to remove the "alphabet" part I think the lines would still make sense, regardless of them being broken up by corresponding letters. I could be wrong though. Overall though man, I like this. It gets better the more you read it.
You take my place in the showdown, I observe with a pitiful eye. I'll humbly ask you forgiveness, a request well beyond you and I.
METAL_MAN135
Hates his username.
Join date: Jan 2009
50 IQ
#4
My first thought whilst reading this was Brave New World.
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