Page 1 of 2
Aki100
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2012
111 IQ
#1
I want to start a band at my high school. I'm a freshman and I just moved here a couple months ago, so I don't really know many people...

I'm also really shy... How should I overcome this?

PS I play guitar and keyboard and I sing. But I want to play guitar in this band.

Also, I live in the country and as I said, I'm a freshman in high school, which means everything's really far apart and I can't drive. That's why I want to make a band at my high school.

EDIT: Except I'm not shy on stage...Just at school...And also, I can't play any metal...Plus it's a single floor building. Actually it's not even a building. No roof access.

@AlanHB: Easy for you to say
Last edited by Aki100 at Nov 1, 2012,
AlanHB
Godin's Resident Groupie
Join date: Aug 2008
1,703 IQ
#2
Get over it.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
Vin71
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2012
313 IQ
#3
bring your amp in the morning to the roof really early

max everything wait for kids to start arriving

stand on the edge of the balcony and play some hardcore viking metal everyone will gather around and start cheering afterwards your the most popular guy in school, everyone will want to join your band

but really if your school has clubs, Ive never been to HS join a one thats cenetered around msuic and start from there, and if your really shy stick to the keyboard cause if you ever play live you dont want to be upfront on a guitar lol ask all you classmates if they can play anything, everyoen else is shy and wanting to make friends at this point probably if you have something in common easy instant friend thing lol
Most_Triumphant
is being Excellent!
Join date: Feb 2011
1,141 IQ
#4
Casually ask people if they know anyone who plays bass, drums, guitar, keys, etc.
Quote by JD Close
Piano dick had some good parts, but should have said "As the business man slowly gets boned", would have accented the whole dick feeling of the album
Culler Amps
Matt Culler
Join date: Jun 2012
435 IQ
#5
Quote by Vin71
bring your amp in the morning to the roof really early

max everything wait for kids to start arriving

stand on the edge of the balcony and play some hardcore viking metal everyone will gather around and start cheering afterwards your the most popular guy in school, everyone will want to join your band



Nero Galon
Alright, Alright, Alright
Join date: May 2012
2,466 IQ
#6
Take an acoustic to school. Casually go off alone and sit under a tree and gently strum away singing songs about how hard it is to find people to make a band. "Emo style"

If America is anything like the films we see set in schools then you'll be famous next week.
whywefight
~I'm not fuckin around~
Join date: Dec 2010
1,725 IQ
#7
Quote by Culler Amps


You act like that isn't a tried and true idea
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#8
Quote by Aki100


@AlanHB: Easy for you to say



yeah, very easy for the guy with several bands that's been doing this longer than you've been alive and knows what he's talking about to give you simple advice.
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
Flevi
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2012
166 IQ
#9
Seems like a lot of hating going on here. Listen here's some real advice, make some friends and later on ask if they play some instruments chances are they do or know someone who does. Also high school kids probably won't be that serious about it so don't expect you and jimmy joe to be the next nirvana. But don't get me wrong it's good practice for both learning how to talk to people ( a valuable skill in any industry and life) and good practice as a musician.
My apologies if I offend
Culler Amps
Matt Culler
Join date: Jun 2012
435 IQ
#10
Quote by Hail
yeah, very easy for the guy with several bands that's been doing this longer than you've been alive and knows what he's talking about to give you simple advice.


You call that advice?

Quote by Aki100
I'm also really shy... How should I overcome this?

Quote by AlanHB
Get over it.


Not much good advice there if you ask me. Entire books have been written about overcoming shyness, becoming a more outgoing person.

There are plenty of good helpful suggestions that could be made. "Get over it" just isn't one of them, no matter how many bands he is in.
Nero Galon
Alright, Alright, Alright
Join date: May 2012
2,466 IQ
#11
IF you want real advice, which I should have given earlier then hears mine.

Flevi's got it right.

Talk to people, drop a few hints here and there.

I have a few friends that play instruments and to be totally honest, they're pretty stuck up about it because they're already in bands. And it does just seem like i'm the only one who isn't in a band right now.

I'm not too fussed about playing with other people, I don't like to blow my own horn around others. So I don't make effort to jam or anything (doubt anyone would anyways)

For you though, you're younger (if you're a freshman I think?) and you said you need to get to know people. The good thing here is that people don't know you yet, they will eventually talk to you sometime if you don't do it first.

Might be hard convincing others to play with you though. All I know is that when I was in school, everyone who was studying music would play together quite a bit. Unfortunately I am crap at music theory, and now people don't believe that I play *sigh*
Diamond Dave
1984
Join date: Aug 2005
1,428 IQ
#12
Quote by Culler Amps
You call that advice?


Not much good advice there if you ask me. Entire books have been written about overcoming shyness, becoming a more outgoing person.

There are plenty of good helpful suggestions that could be made. "Get over it" just isn't one of them, no matter how many bands he is in.

disagree

I was one of the shyest people at my whole damn school until one of my friends suggested we start a band. I accepted - reluctantly - and I haven't felt shy since the moment I walked off the stage after our second gig.

I got over it, the key is just to put yourself out there/throw yourself in the deep end (and make sure you know how to play guitar well first ).
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#13
Quote by Culler Amps
You call that advice?

Not much good advice there if you ask me. Entire books have been written about overcoming shyness, becoming a more outgoing person.

There are plenty of good helpful suggestions that could be made. "Get over it" just isn't one of them, no matter how many bands he is in.


do you know how you overcome shyness

you get over it

it might not sell books, but it's a pretty effective plan of action. you can expound upon it as much as you wish to isolate and ultimately face the problem. "what do i get over? how do i approach this? what steps am i doing wrong, how do i feel when in x and y situation versus a situation where i am comfortable?"

but nobody's gonna sit and babysit someone. if it affects other aspects of your life, there are professional psychologists and none of them are on a tablature site for socially awkward teenager to rely upon.

i can post plenty of random images on people who are shy, i can describe personal experiences as someone who used to suffer from anxiety attacks, i could webmd shyness for crying out loud and it wouldn't do TS any better than slapping him in the face and saying "dude all you have to do is talk to people, it's not that hard"

it's not like he's 35 years old and reclusive with deep-set emotional problems that stop him from succeeding. he's 14-15 years old, in 9th grade in high school. it's not rocket science to talk to people at your own school.
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
Spaztikko
*
Join date: Apr 2011
2,246 IQ
#14
The reason there are books on shyness is because people are stupid and will spend money on anything.

Get over it, at least to the point where you can conduct yourself better.
AeolianWolf
Tonal Vigilante
Join date: Jul 2009
186 IQ
#15
you have two choices, TS. you can listen to the most experienced gigging musician in this thread (AlanHB), and get over it...

...or you can listen to all of these other people who want to get philosophical about the matter. i don't care how many books have been written on the topic - you get over it. that's how it works. those books sell because there area large amount of people like those in this thread who "just can't believe it's that simple", so they feel the need to get into psychology of it, and, ultimately, very rarely do results ever see the light of day.

so who will you listen to, i wonder? the person that's done it? or the people that have opinions on it? if you have that "easy for you to say" attitude, then that's step one - get rid of that. you think like that, you're never going to be worth jack shit. attitude is everything in life, and it may be why you're coming to a website with a concern that you're too shy to start a band. when, in reality, if you REALLY wanted to start a band (and i mean really burned to start a band), you wouldn't give a **** whether you were shy or not, and you'd just get it done. if you want to make the excuse, then why complain when it's stopping you? you made the choice.

there's an ancient chinese proverb - those who believe something cannot be done should not get in the way of someone doing it.

get out there or don't. whichever choice you make will dictate the results you get.
Anfangen ist leicht, Beharren eine Kunst.
Last edited by AeolianWolf at Nov 2, 2012,
Hydra150
cutebutt mcsexyface
Join date: Nov 2006
1,793 IQ
#16
Quote by AeolianWolf

there's an ancient chinese proverb

And there's another in my sig.

actually it's Turkish
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
Culler Amps
Matt Culler
Join date: Jun 2012
435 IQ
#17
Coming from someone who was extremely shy during my youth and throughout school, I can assure you, that telling me to get over it, or slapping me in the face would have done nothing to cure my shyness.

As a matter of fact nothing ever did until I got older, and realized all the opportunities I missed out on because of my problem.

Thinking on all those missed opportunities, I literally forced myself to start being a more outgoing person.

In a way I guess you could say "I got over it".

But getting "over it" was the outcome, the goal...... Not the solution.
Last edited by Culler Amps at Nov 2, 2012,
Hydra150
cutebutt mcsexyface
Join date: Nov 2006
1,793 IQ
#18
This guy, Benny Lewis, writes a blog that I like;
http://www.fluentin3months.com/stop-being-shy/
http://www.fluentin3months.com/scared-to-meet-new-people/
He is very direct, taking the approach of just telling you to stop worrying. There are other bloggers who take a gentler approach, I think there may be a blog by a guy who talkes about building confidence linked to on that page (unless I'm mistaken and it is linked to elsewhere on Benny Lewis' site).
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
Last edited by Hydra150 at Nov 2, 2012,
AeolianWolf
Tonal Vigilante
Join date: Jul 2009
186 IQ
#19
Quote by Hydra150
And there's another in my sig.

actually it's Turkish


it's also been randomly attributed to george bernard shaw, among others...

Quote by Culler Amps
Coming from someone who was extremely shy during my youth and throughout school, I can assure you, that telling me to get over it, or slapping me in the face would have done nothing to cure my shyness.

As a matter of fact nothing ever did until I got older, and realized all the opportunities I missed out on because of my problem.

Thinking on all those missed opportunities, I literally forced myself to start being a more outgoing person.

In a way I guess you could say "I got over it".

But getting "over it" was the outcome, the goal...... Not the solution.


don't make the distinction between getting over it as a goal and getting over it as a process...ever think that may be why it took you so long?

like i said. attitude determines everything.

you're telling me it doesn't work, but you then proceed to tell me that you actually did it. it's not getting over it "in a way", it's getting over it. period. you forced yourself to become more outgoing.

or you guys can continue to tell me that it doesn't work -- and i'm not about to sit here and argue with you. i tried to help TS out, but i have nothing to gain from sitting here to convince him. if those who disagree with this line of thought still disagree, that's fine -- i just hope you all have the patience to cut a tree down with a spoon.
Anfangen ist leicht, Beharren eine Kunst.
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#20
http://oi52.tinypic.com/25hzmzc.jpg

it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
AeolianWolf
Tonal Vigilante
Join date: Jul 2009
186 IQ
#21
Quote by Hail
http://oi52.tinypic.com/25hzmzc.jpg

it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it


but it's extremely true. (those kinds of) nice guys finish last.

that said, i'm not 100% convinced of the relevance to the current topic(s) at hand...
Anfangen ist leicht, Beharren eine Kunst.
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#22
Quote by AeolianWolf
but it's extremely true. (those kinds of) nice guys finish last.

that said, i'm not 100% convinced of the relevance to the current topic(s) at hand...


yeah it's absolutely useless but it helped me a surprising amount when i was a freshman with shyness. well, i was trying to get laid, but shyness goes along with it
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
AeolianWolf
Tonal Vigilante
Join date: Jul 2009
186 IQ
#23
Quote by Hail
yeah it's absolutely useless but it helped me a surprising amount when i was a freshman with shyness. well, i was trying to get laid, but shyness goes along with it


actually, i found that it rings quite true and bookmarked it.
Anfangen ist leicht, Beharren eine Kunst.
Hydra150
cutebutt mcsexyface
Join date: Nov 2006
1,793 IQ
#24
Quote by Hail


it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it
lrn 2 img+spoiler tags

also, ftfy a little bit.


Or rather;

Should've edited it from 'sad' to 'shy' though...
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
Last edited by Hydra150 at Nov 2, 2012,
AlanHB
Godin's Resident Groupie
Join date: Aug 2008
1,703 IQ
#25
Quote by Culler Amps
Not much good advice there if you ask me. Entire books have been written about overcoming shyness, becoming a more outgoing person.

There are plenty of good helpful suggestions that could be made. "Get over it" just isn't one of them, no matter how many bands he is in.


Hmm my other thought was "suck it up......and get over it".

Perhaps you would like some fairy words, like breaking your comfort zone and gaining tools to learn to cope with situations where you feel uncomfortable, but the best way to deal with these things is to simply put yourself in the situation and learn that way.

Aeolian: Thanks for the props in respect to my experience gigging, I do gig quite a bit.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
Unrelaxed
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2008
102 IQ
#26
Facebook? I think that's the simplest way, you're not gonna walk around the schools hallways asking people if they wanna play in a band anyway so it's either Facebook or patience. Bulletin board is an option too, but amongst your age group it seems kinda futile.

On Facebook too though the advice you seem to need is AlanHB's "suck it up.....and get over it". So just send a message to the schools group or whatever there is and see if you get an answer.

Good luck with it anyway. Don't wait for it too much though! You're shyness will go away in time, but for now you just have to go through the "shame" and uncertainty of the start
Spaztikko
*
Join date: Apr 2011
2,246 IQ
#27
You need to love lots of puppies, where they lick your face and stuff and you feel good like that in the controlled, safe environment you could be paying for, TS.
Flevi
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2012
166 IQ
#28
My last price of advice is something my stepfather told me, "just ask people the worst thing they can do is say no" in other words don't be so worried about how others might react or answer or think of " this kid" just go up and ask you've probably made a few acquaintences already
My apologies if I offend
Usernames sucks
Tab Contributor
Join date: Jun 2010
12,735 IQ
#29
Get to know someone that plays in a band as a friend and then ask what they would think about starting a band. Or if you know someone that plays that are less shy, you could start with them and get them to ask.
CryogenicHusk
wannabe guitarist
Join date: Apr 2012
1,005 IQ
#30
TS, find out if your school has a Musician's club of sorts for musicians to network. You can also post a flyer looking for bandmates at your local record shop (specify if you're looking for people of a certain age group, unless you don't mind jamming with people who might be much older than you).

Start talking to people... Once you get through the hurdle of making a couple of friends (something beyond mere acquaintances), you'll meet other people much quicker through them and some are bound to play instruments (or know somebody who does as it was mentioned in this thread already).

You have an interest. If you find other people with the same interest in common, just talk about it. It won't be too hard to relate to them and make friends when you have an interest in common. Edit: it also helps cause it's easier to talk to anybody about something you are familiar with or passionate for.
Last edited by CryogenicHusk at Nov 2, 2012,
Sleepy__Head
A cornucopia of trivia
Join date: Jul 2011
54 IQ
#31
Quote by Aki100
I'm also really shy... How should I overcome this?


I found that masturbating in public helped me overcome my shyness.

Srs.

...

Yeah alright I'm just kidding.

The thing about shyness is that it creates a feedback loop. You feel shy, so you back out of situations that will expose that shyness, then you feel shyer, and so on.

The only way out of a loop like that is to exit the loop.

You don't have to jump in both feet first, but if you find you're backing out of social situations you feel uncomfortable in but are perfectly reasonable to have to deal with (uncomfortable silences, making a bit of a tit of yourself, not knowing what to say) then the first step is to force yourself to (a) enter and (b) stick with those situations a little bit longer than you usually would and - importantly - try to relax and just go with it.

Don't try to be someone you're not, but don't believe that people with the biggest gobs and the biggest apparent egos have everyone looking at them. Most people are so intent on themselves they wouldn't notice even if you took your kecks off and **REMAINDER OF POST REMOVED**
Quote by Hail
oh shut up with that /mu/ bullshit. fidget house shouldn't even be a genre, why in the world would it deserve its own subgenres you twat
20Tigers
1
Join date: Jun 2008
640 IQ
#32
Quote by Hail
http://oi52.tinypic.com/25hzmzc.jpg

it's a beta male thing but it applies to real life as well indirectly i guess, i just like plugging it

Without context the information in the link you posted is so frustratingly wrong.

"nice guy" and "real man" are not antonyms as the link suggests and I think it could be improved by explaining that.

A nice guy is someone that is a "good" person that helps people and genuinely cares for the well being of others.

A bad guy is someone that is a "bad" person that is selfish, narcissistic and doesn't care if he hurts people in getting what he wants.

What the link you provided describes is the type of guy that displays behaviour often misinterpreted as being nice but is really nothing more than a display of weak minded, supplicant insecurity.

The correct antonym of the "real man" in this instance should be the "fake man". A guy that wants people to like him so much he compromises his own self worth and pretends he's happy doing it is a pretty fake guy.

While the list is encouraging positive outlooks and self appreciation, which I support, it should be clear that this "nice guy" nonsense that everyone goes on about is not really being nice it's being a pussy.

I think it is important that a guy can be a nice guy as well as be a "real man" that can attract any woman he wants, and finish first. In order to do so it is important to realize the distinction between being nice and being weak minded.
Si
CarsonStevens
Rocksmith
Join date: Sep 2010
688 IQ
#33
I used to be retardedly shy. I couldn't talk to anyone without mumbling and rambling nervously.

The reason I was shy was because I didn't have any confidence. I was afraid to talk to people because I was afraid of what their reaction would be.

I did "get over it", but only because I eventually learned that I didn't have anything to be afraid of. I socialized with people who wanted to talk to me, so that I was able to prove to myself that interacting would have a positive outcome.

In a similar vein, first time I ever did karaoke in a non rent-a-room setting, it was in a packed bar with a table full of cute coeds right in front of the stage. My legs were shaking so badly I could barely stand up.

That was six years ago, at least. Now, I don't blink twice getting up on stage to sing, because I know I can do it.

The way to get over your shyness is to set up situations where you'll achieve a positive outcome. Fear comes from uncertainty. Once that uncertainty is removed, the fear will likewise be removed.

Socialize with other musicians. Find/form a club. Practice your instrument. Have confidence in your playing. The rest will follow.
Sleepy__Head
A cornucopia of trivia
Join date: Jul 2011
54 IQ
#34
Quote by 20Tigers
Without context the information in the link you posted is so frustratingly wrong.

"nice guy" and "real man" are not antonyms as the link suggests and I think it could be improved by explaining that.

A nice guy is someone that is a "good" person that helps people and genuinely cares for the well being of others.

A bad guy is someone that is a "bad" person that is selfish, narcissistic and doesn't care if he hurts people in getting what he wants.

What the link you provided describes is the type of guy that displays behaviour often misinterpreted as being nice but is really nothing more than a display of weak minded, supplicant insecurity.

The correct antonym of the "real man" in this instance should be the "fake man". A guy that wants people to like him so much he compromises his own self worth and pretends he's happy doing it is a pretty fake guy.

While the list is encouraging positive outlooks and self appreciation, which I support, it should be clear that this "nice guy" nonsense that everyone goes on about is not really being nice it's being a pussy.

I think it is important that a guy can be a nice guy as well as be a "real man" that can attract any woman he wants, and finish first. In order to do so it is important to realize the distinction between being nice and being weak minded.


Amen to that. Real men don't feel the need to be someone other than themselves, they're not scared of standing up for what they believe in, but they're not so blind as to think that their opinion is the only thing that matters. Real men are at peace with themselves and aren't afraid to be the loser in an argument.
Quote by Hail
oh shut up with that /mu/ bullshit. fidget house shouldn't even be a genre, why in the world would it deserve its own subgenres you twat
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#35
Quote by 20Tigers
Without context the information in the link you posted is so frustratingly wrong.

"nice guy" and "real man" are not antonyms as the link suggests and I think it could be improved by explaining that.

A nice guy is someone that is a "good" person that helps people and genuinely cares for the well being of others.

A bad guy is someone that is a "bad" person that is selfish, narcissistic and doesn't care if he hurts people in getting what he wants.

What the link you provided describes is the type of guy that displays behaviour often misinterpreted as being nice but is really nothing more than a display of weak minded, supplicant insecurity.

The correct antonym of the "real man" in this instance should be the "fake man". A guy that wants people to like him so much he compromises his own self worth and pretends he's happy doing it is a pretty fake guy.

While the list is encouraging positive outlooks and self appreciation, which I support, it should be clear that this "nice guy" nonsense that everyone goes on about is not really being nice it's being a pussy.

I think it is important that a guy can be a nice guy as well as be a "real man" that can attract any woman he wants, and finish first. In order to do so it is important to realize the distinction between being nice and being weak minded.

did you not read the middle when it said "nice" was synonymous with manipulation, just like "real" is synonymous with "confident and self-accepting"

did you also think when it said real man, it meant a man that really existed?

it was very clear i thought


btw can we please turn this into a microdebate about getting laid instead of the usual modes crap cause i can totally win this one
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
Last edited by Hail at Nov 3, 2012,
AlanHB
Godin's Resident Groupie
Join date: Aug 2008
1,703 IQ
#36
^^^ sure why not. And I agree, there is a strong argument that the stereotypical "nice guy" is actually a form of manipulation. Personally it's too much effort for me to go to those lengths, I'm more into a "partnership" than praising my partner like a god whilst also tracing her every move.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
Soundcloud
Slashiepie
Banged
Join date: Apr 2011
492 IQ
#37
^^ me thinks thats exactly the point: Nice guys just pretend to be nice and manipulate people to get sth, they show their true colors when they dont get the kitty, thats why they fail, thats why they are so annoying and their personality is just a weak made up construct, and thats why woman have that label ready to be pasted as soon as they reek it.

Imo it is clear for those with a little experience that the description of strong man didnt instantly mean being the alpha dick male every second of every interaction at any cost, like some kiddies that read too much pua stuff. Being a cool guy/strong man does not exclude being truly "nice" to yourself and others.

The coolest guys ive ever known actually embody all the real man characteristics while staying truly " nice guys. " (Man or women just throw their panties at them after 2 minutes of conversating)

Ts i doubt you are clinically ill, so getting over it is just a gradual process... a jump into cold water is pretty satysfing and quick too.. you pick.. you can just jump into the pool and freeze for a couple seconds or slowly walk into the cold water.. do whatever you want, its up to you, just dont stand there still doing nothing
Quote by Hail
i'm the internet equivalent of ripping the skin off my face and strangling you with it right now


Quote by Steve Albini
Remixing is for talentless pussies who don't know how to tune a drum or point a microphone.
Last edited by Slashiepie at Nov 3, 2012,
20Tigers
1
Join date: Jun 2008
640 IQ
#38
@Aki100 - This will take some courage but will be so worth it - do it:

Tomorrow when you go to school walk up to at least five girls from different circles (at least three of them have to be cute girls) and say,

"Hey you look like someone that's pretty clued up. I only have a couple minutes and was hoping you could help me find some musicians. See I'm new here and I play the guitar as well as the piano and I can sing a little but I mostly I focus on guitar. I would really like to jam with some other musicians maybe even get a band going or something but I'm new here and don't really know if anyone around here plays an instrument. It would be awesome if could help me. What kids around here are play an instrument or sing or something?"

The trick is to not wimp out. See the girl and within five seconds of seeing her walk straight up to her and say the above. Don't hesitate, don't hover or pscyh yourself up don't think about it - just do it. You have to do it instantly.

What you need to realize is that all those kids deal with the same issues you do. They are pretty much all like you. They are nice people and willing to help you if you just ask.

The above script will work pretty well because it does a few key things - it starts with something they will believe is true. By telling them you only have a couple minutes you will indicate that you are not going to take up a whole heap of their time trying to talk to them about nothing. You get straight to the point while also telling them a little about you and then you tell them how they can help you. Most people want to help.

Most likely outcome is that they will give you the name or a couple names of someone they know of that is musical. If she just gives you names, then say something like,
"See I knew you would be the sort of girl with her finger on the pulse. I'm only new here so a name is a great start but I don't know who that name belongs to, could you point them out - or what would be really awesome is if you could introduce me to them - I'm actually pretty shy sometimes?" That last part might blow her mind considering you just walked up to her but it gives her a reason to introduce you to some of the musician's she knows. People are more likely to do something if there is a reason attached. Even if that reason is pretty weak.

If she says they're not around ask her if she does see them could she make sure to point them out to you or even introduce you.

Another response you might get when you approach the girl asking for help is a flat out "no" that could simply mean the girl is shy and/or doesn't know who at the school is musically inclined.

It's possible but not likely that you will get a cold or rude reply. Most people are pretty nice. If they aren't that is not on you it's on them they are not well adjusted and you don't really want to get to know them anyway - no matter how cute they appear on the outside those chicks are ugly.

It is unlikely though - believe me. If you make it your mission to walk up to five girls tomorrow then you will not fail to find some musicians. Of course if your first attempt pays off and you meet some musicians then mission accomplished and you don't need to go up to the other four. But you might see a cute girl that you want to get to know and you should go up and tell her the same thing too.

Kids are sympathetic. They want to help (especially girls). If you do this it will not fail I promise. and chances are you will meet some girls too.

what not to do: Don't hover don't overthink it - walk straight up to a girl as soon as you see her and start talking. Don't give away your name unless she asks for it - you will introduce yourself as a musician and a new kid at the school but wait until she asks before you give her your name - also don't ask for hers - even if she asks for your name tell her your name but don't ask for hers. Let her give it to you. Even if the whole interaction goes well and you are going to meet her the next day at the morning break and she doesn't ask your name don't even worry about it if you really need to call her something notice something cool and interesting about her clothes or something and make a playful nickname from it. She will eventually give you her name.

The advice given in this thread is correct. You do need to "get over it". i know it's tough, really hard actually. But set your mind to it. Be determined and make it a mission that you have to accomplish. If you can take the stage then think of it as a performance if it helps. Do not accept failure. If you do chicken out on day one then set your mind and carry out the mission on day 2. Don't put it off though do it straight away on your next school day.

If you really want to get over the shyness thing then this will help you a great deal, but PM me and I'll give you some practical and useful tips to helping you get over this inhibition.

Peace
Si
20Tigers
1
Join date: Jun 2008
640 IQ
#39
Quote by Hail
did you not read the middle when it said "nice" was synonymous with manipulation, just like "real" is synonymous with "confident and self-accepting"

did you also think when it said real man, it meant a man that really existed?

it was very clear i thought


btw can we please turn this into a microdebate about getting laid instead of the usual modes crap cause i can totally win this one
Yip I saw that. i just didn't think it was right to make "nice" synonymous with "manipulation and insecurity" - that's not nice. i just think it could have elaborated a bit more on that point. Guys that fall into that category may become defensive an say "what a load or crap" I'm proud to be a nice guy and don't want to give that up - screw this guy. So let them keep their "nice title" but make sure they are clear on the difference between being nice and being an insecure pliable little walk-over.

Oh and okay...Well I don't know about a debate. But what are your favourite openers, even better your favourite closers? Do you recommend any literature? Have you read Neil Strauss aka Style?
Si
MrDo0m
Blessed Sisyphus
Join date: Jun 2011
772 IQ
#40
I was painfully shy when I was younger, and was bullied a lot in school. The best advice I can give regarding that is to just relax. Be yourself. That's it. The mindset you should have is "I'm going to say what is on my mind, and if someone doesn't like it, tough shit."

Don't try too hard to impress people, and just say what you need to. Just think, either someone might legitimately disagree with you, and that's okay, because then you can perhaps learn from a different perpsective, or in the other case, if they are rude, they're probably just an idiot/asshole/bitch (pardon my Francais), and it doesn't matter what they think, no more than what an animal or a rock thinks, so it's not even worth getting upset about or starting an argument, unless they are invading your rights/getting in your way, in which, by all means, get angry, and let them know. Don't bottle it up.

But take heart, most people are not assholes; they are usually nice people who are shy like you, and afraid to stand up to jerks. Even people you'd never expect could actually see themselves as "introverts."

Also, don't put people on pedestals. Everyone is a human, just like you.

I guess this is just general advice to "get over it" (which is what you need to do). For this situation specifically, take Tiger 20's advice. Set some sort of short-term goal like the one he stated and just do it. I'm actually going to try to take his advice (not looking for musicians and high school is the ancient past for me, but generally speaking).

Getting involved in extracurriculur activities can help too. I forced myself to take two semesters of improv comedy, and it was nerve-wracking at times (especially during shows) but it was really fun and I made a lot of friends. I didn't take it this semester and I'm still kind of an introvert, but, hey, I try.
Last edited by MrDo0m at Nov 3, 2012,