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UGRoadie
Banned
Join date: Nov 2012
10 IQ
#1
So tell me about your first ****.

I was 16 at a party with my gf. she started puking in the bathroom, which then led to us screwing which was cool until we got locked in and my friends started blowing hash into thee vent
Extra Ordinary
Meh
Join date: Jun 2011
10 IQ
#2
I was out back with my dad. We were fixing up the back deck and he handed me one. I already had the screw driver in my hand. It was then and there I learned to screw in a screw.
I don't remember how old I was though. Definitely younger than 5.
UGRoadie
Banned
Join date: Nov 2012
10 IQ
#3
Quote by Extra Ordinary
I was out back with my dad. We were fixing up the back deck and he handed me one. I already had the screw driver in my hand. It was then and there I learned to screw in a screw.
I don't remember how old I was though. Definitely younger than 5.


duuude... did you need therapy afterwards??
the bartender
UG's biology teacher
Join date: Nov 2009
46 IQ
#4
Quote by UGRoadie
duuude... did you need therapy afterwards??

his father was therapist if you know what I'm saying
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
CaptDin
Rebel Without A Pause
Join date: Feb 2009
110 IQ
#5
Quote by the bartender
his father was therapist if you know what I'm saying

Quote by the bartender
his father was therapist

Quote by the bartender
therapist

Quote by the bartender
the rapist

ErikLensherr
UnBanned
Join date: Jul 2011
10 IQ
#7
It was one of those big brightly colored plastic ones. Came with a big plastic screwdriver and a big plastic hammer and a big plastic saw.

None of them were practical tools. That's when I learned life was a lie.
Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by EndTheRapture51
fifth harmony defense force assemble
WCPhils
UnBanned
Join date: Sep 2010
10 IQ
#8
Quote by Extra Ordinary
I was out back with my dad. We were fixing up the back deck and he handed me one. I already had the screw driver in my hand. It was then and there I learned to screw in a screw.
I don't remember how old I was though. Definitely younger than 5.

I used a battery power screw driver my first time. I feel like it wasn't the same.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
FireFromTheVoid
Unloved
Join date: Mar 2011
20 IQ
#9
Well, I had picked up a job as a pizza delivery boy, when one day I delivered a sausage pizza to this beautiful woman that just couldn`t pay. She pleaded if there was any other way I could let her have it, at which point we went to her room and made sweet pizza payment love.
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet


Quote by Momentosis
Void is a wanker that's why

Last edited by FireFromTheVoid at Nov 2, 2012,
adamgur96
Not caring no more
Join date: Apr 2011
668 IQ
#11
TS:

>makes account
>asks about our first fuck

Something ain't right here....
I Have An Avant Garde Fetish....
Quote by Gantz92
Im in no way an amateur. I masturbate in public all the time.
Quote by Nelsean
I can get an erection just by looking at a plastic cup, or a river.
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
Don't worry, rape will always find a back way in
Bob_Sacamano
UG Board King
Join date: Jan 2012
10 IQ
#12
I was in back with my dad. We were fixing up the back deck and he handed me one condom. I already had the screw driver in my hand. It was then and in there I learned to screw in a shack.
I don't remember how old I was though. Definitely younger than 5.
UGRoadie
Banned
Join date: Nov 2012
10 IQ
#15
Quote by Extra Ordinary
No it wasn't my father. It was the man in the office that I went to talk about my problems with.


u were so close to a breakthrough.. don't worry wanting to protect the abuser is common in those anal gaped with a tool box at sucha young age.
Toadvine
Obviously, not a golfer
Join date: May 2010
171 IQ
#16
17 in the back of my Honda Accord, slightly drunk. Oh okay, sloppy drunk, she was a lovely bird she was.
"Pain or damage don't end the world nor despair, nor fuckin' beatings. The world ends when you're dead, until then you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back."
ThrashUnleashed
stealing human bones
Join date: Apr 2011
100 IQ
#17
Quote by the bartender
his father was therapist if you know what I'm saying


Reminds me of Darrel Hammond as Sean Connery on Saturday Night Live
Quote by GuitarGod_92
when I die of a brain aneurysm I want it on record that its the film threads fault

Quote by GuitarGod_92
Movies are all bad every last one of them

Quote by yope
Fungus has a right to exist. It's a valid life form.
whywefight
~I'm not fuckin around~
Join date: Dec 2010
110 IQ
#18
Quote by the bartender
his father was therapist if you know what I'm saying




I've been screwing as long as I can remember. I prefer hammering myself, though. It's more vigorous, violent.
metal4eva_22
PonyFan #376121
Join date: Jul 2006
20 IQ
#19
I was 16 at a party with some kids gf. she started puking in the bathroom because I roofied her, which then led to us screwing which was cool until she woke up. I locked her and her bf in the bathroom and started blowing hash in through the vents to make them forget about it.
-The Crimson Fucker, aka PonyFan #376121
fail
Custom Mandy Moore avatar
Join date: Jan 2008
30 IQ
#20
I did that once, it was incredible.
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
Joshua Garcia
An actual big boy
Join date: Jun 2009
4,730 IQ
#21

Screwed it for 10 minutes, if you know what I mean.
Quote by imspazzen
i'm horny af for Marge Simpson right about now
ChrisBW
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2009
10 IQ
#22
Drunk, getting a ride home from girl, went in my backyard and did the deed.
I have a huge fear if rays.
guitarist41
DiscoSucks****Everything
Join date: May 2006
100 IQ
#23
Quote by Jako215
pftt 21 year old virgin.


Pfftt 22. 23 in a month or so.

I honestly don't care. My mother and sister give me shit every now and then, but when I see my sister stressed out with her two children...that's when I know I've done the right thing.
Quote by neidnarb11890
the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
Jako215
UG's Fat Frendo
Join date: Dec 2005
127 IQ
#24
Quote by guitarist41
Pfftt 22. 23 in a month or so.

I honestly don't care. My mother and sister give me shit every now and then, but when I see my sister stressed out with her two children...that's when I know I've done the right thing.


for not having kids already. I want my 10 years of being 20 to be fun. Not hell.
StreetLight3989
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2007
100 IQ
#25
I can't stop laughing at the thread title. I don't know why I even find it amusing (it has nothing to do with not sleeping for 30 hours :p), screw is just a funny word when it's a verb.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old
And oh my god I feel so damn old
I don't really feel anything
guitarist41
DiscoSucks****Everything
Join date: May 2006
100 IQ
#26
Quote by Jako215
for not having kids already. I want my 10 years of being 20 to be fun. Not hell.




Yep. When that jolt of arousal runs through your body, you have stay strong and remember that it will pass. Haha.
Quote by neidnarb11890
the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
guitarist41
DiscoSucks****Everything
Join date: May 2006
100 IQ
#29
Quote by StewieSwan
Classic denial.


Nah.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but if I have a kid, I'm truly ****ed.
Quote by neidnarb11890
the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
Weaponized
Join date: Mar 2011
41 IQ
#30
Quote by guitarist41
Pfftt 22. 23 in a month or so.

I honestly don't care. My mother and sister give me shit every now and then, but when I see my sister stressed out with her two children...that's when I know I've done the right thing.
guitarist41
DiscoSucks****Everything
Join date: May 2006
100 IQ
#31
Quote by Weaponized


Haha.

I don't even know what this is supposed to mean.
Quote by neidnarb11890
the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
PatchworkMan
It makes no difference
Join date: Sep 2006
82 IQ
#32
Had just turned 19. Things had been getting hot and heavy with my GF for a few days at that point, and I guess it seemed silly to her for me to keep up the half-assed purity charade. I think she ended up saying something like, "If you don't take my clothes off, I'm going to take them off."

We were in her dorm room, her roommate was gone for the night. I was in such a hurry I left her socks on. It wasn't bad the first time, but it took me a few weeks to really get the hang of it.
Death to Ovation haters!
macaroni
UG's Colourblind Guy
Join date: Sep 2007
50 IQ
#33
Quote by guitarist41
Nah.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but if I have a kid, I'm truly ****ed.


Condoms. Abortion. Falcon punch.
Sincerely,
Shitstirrer
PatchworkMan
It makes no difference
Join date: Sep 2006
82 IQ
#34
Quote by guitarist41
Pfftt 22. 23 in a month or so.

I honestly don't care. My mother and sister give me shit every now and then, but when I see my sister stressed out with her two children...that's when I know I've done the right thing.

Hey man, if you really don't want to have sex, more power to you. I respect that. But you know there's such a thing as contraception, right?
Death to Ovation haters!
guitarist41
DiscoSucks****Everything
Join date: May 2006
100 IQ
#35
Quote by PatchworkMan
Hey man, if you really don't want to have sex, more power to you. I respect that. But you know there's such a thing as contraception, right?


Yes, I do.

0.97 x 0.99 = ?
Quote by neidnarb11890
the chinese take-out place my family always ordered from gave you chopsticks, so as a kid it was fun to try & eat with chopsticks
now i just use a fork, 'cuz nothing is fun anymore & i just want to shovel food into my mouth to fill the void
MinterMan22
steady eating booty mc||
Join date: Nov 2007
51 IQ
#36
i was 31.. i met her on one of those dating websites where everyone puts a picture of themselves from college as their profile.. she ended up being slightly different (400 pounds different i guess) and we did it on the first date. i loved her. i only lasted a couple of minutes and i havent seen her or spoken to a woman since.
..::fat
lard::..
Last edited by MinterMan22 at Nov 3, 2012,
fender_696
UG's Lincolner
Join date: May 2007
10 IQ
#37
Quote by guitarist41
Yes, I do.

0.97 x 0.99 = ?
I'm sorry, I don't care if you've had sex or not, but saying you haven't out of fear of getting the girl pregnant is completely ludicrous. Or simply denial.
slapsymcdougal
UnBanned
Join date: Nov 2011
240 IQ
#38
Quote by fender_696
I'm sorry, I don't care if you've had sex or not, but saying you haven't out of fear of getting the girl pregnant is completely ludicrous. Or simply denial.

Look, it's always possible that, like mayslash, he's given and got oral from like 8 chicks, and as such is less of a virgin mayslash's friend, who's actually had sex.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
jugglingfreak
UnBanned
Join date: Apr 2010
10 IQ
#39
Quote by guitarist41
Yes, I do.

0.97 x 0.99 = ?



Again, You have a far greater chance of winning the lottery than someone getting pregnant due to failure of birth control.

Again, your choice is your choice, nothing wrong with that. Just that line of reasoning doesn't cut it..


EDIT: there is also a big difference between "failure of birth control" and "someone failing to use birth control properly".

(I realize that birth control is hardly that complicated, but never underestimate the stupidity of people)
Last edited by jugglingfreak at Nov 3, 2012,
TheTee56
UG'S Banana Saviour
Join date: Feb 2011
705 IQ
#40
My first screw?
I remember her.

Quite the peach. Literally.
BEWARE THE BANANA ARMY.

I SAY, I SAY, BEWARE THE BANANA ARMY.

They say when they finally attack, all the impostors will peel themselves. In order to tell if you have been assimilated, check for a zipper somewhere near your pelvis.


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