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#1
So, inspired by the whole virginity thread, how do you seduce girls? aka how do you get them to have sex with you?
I have only had sex in half serious (not really) relationships, like after seeing a girl a couple times, i wouldn't call it like dating or something but yeah.
I'd like to know how the pit monkeys get some monkey vagina, any tips or experiences?
#2
I give them bananas, they give me monkey business.
Its a good system.
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Quote by Momentosis
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#3
money seems to work
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#5
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Grow a beard.

Shave the part on your neck.

Keep it well kept.

Boom. You'll be mopping the wet from their legs with your beard in seconds.


i'm 18 but apparently unable to grow a decent bear, am i cursed?
#6
Quote by meatjesus
i'm 18 but apparently unable to grow a decent bear, am i cursed?

I can`t either, its cool bro.
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#8
Quote by meatjesus
i'm 18 but apparently unable to grow a decent bear, am i cursed?


Growing bears are easy. Go to a berry tree, take one of them falling berries, and plant them under your apple tree. Chances are the extra A will make a bear come out of your ground and kill everyone.


If you meant beard, yeah, you don't have a good chance. Sorry.
#9
Take them to my place. Sit close with them on the couch. Just the smallest amounts of physical contact and body warmth can escalate things quickly. Also, if you can give a good massage, that will help tremendously.
#10
My family used to own a bearyard in wine country.
*-)
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#11
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Growing bears are easy. Go to a berry tree, take one of them falling berries, and plant them under your apple tree. Chances are the extra A will make a bear come out of your ground and kill everyone.


If you meant beard, yeah, you don't have a good chance. Sorry.

No, I actually meant bear, that's great advice, thank you
#13
How i get some monkey vagina...? I either go to the zoo or i go to atlanta
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#14
Quote by meatjesus
No, I actually meant bear, that's great advice, thank you


Oh good! I'm so glad. I thought my studies to get my bear degree were pointless.

Don't forget:

If you want a black bear-black berry
If you want a grizzly bear-strawberry
If you want a polar bear-frozen berry of any sort
If you want a grizzly black bear-Chuck Berry.
#15
Quote by The Madcap
Take them to my place. Sit close with them on the couch. Just the smallest amounts of physical contact and body warmth can escalate things quickly. Also, if you can give a good massage, that will help tremendously.

and how do you even get to the point of giving a massage?
#16
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Oh good! I'm so glad. I thought my studies to get my bear degree were pointless.

Don't forget:

If you want a black bear-black berry
If you want a grizzly bear-strawberry
If you want a polar bear-frozen berry of any sort
If you want a grizzly black bear-Chuck Berry.

~
what if i want a gay bear?
#17
Quote by meatjesus
~
what if i want a gay bear?

Go to a gay bar.
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet


Quote by Momentosis
Void is a wanker that's why

#18
What if i want a jewish bear?
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#22
Quote by meatjesus
racist


... How is that "racist"?

If anything the Chuck Berry one was

EDIT: I mean see if I help you grow bears again you patchy chinned... meat head! >:C


EDIT EDIT: I'm sorry I got mad. Just years of growing bears and studying them, I got offended and hurt by your claim
#23
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
... How is that "racist"?

If anything the Chuck Berry one was

EDIT: I mean see if I help you grow bears again you patchy chinned... meat head! >:C


EDIT EDIT: I'm sorry I got mad. Just years of growing bears and studying them, I got offended and hurt by your claim


seriously, race based discrimination is probably the thing that pisses me off the most. And to think that 2 minutes ago i was thinking about asking you to marry me....
#25
I go "Eeey beybeh. Wanna go home and watch me play Guitar Hero? I got mad skills, girl."
*Panties drop*
=D

...Okay I lied. This never happened. Or ever will.
Voted UG User of the Year 2015 & 2016
#27
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Asking me to marry you? So soon?

Honey, love isn't a race.


heh, see what I did there? Right?


....


and besides studying bears you also make bad puns, i'm extremely aroused right now
#28
Quote by Joshua Garcia
I go "Eeey beybeh. Wanna go home and watch me play Guitar Hero? I got mad skills, girl."
*Panties drop*
=D

...Okay I lied. This never happened. Or ever will.


gotta try that, just for the lolz
#29
Listening. Or pretending to if she's stupid.

Sip your drink and listen. Oh and make sure to give her something, even something little like a jacket to wearthe if itshes is cold, a drink, share your food, etc. By doing this, you can establish basic reciprocity. It starts with those little gestures.
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#32
I go up to them and say "Nice shoes let's fuck" always works.
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I had sex with my dad.
#33
Quote by meatjesus
So, inspired by the whole virginity thread, how do you seduce girls? aka how do you get them to have sex with you?
I have only had sex in half serious (not really) relationships, like after seeing a girl a couple times, i wouldn't call it like dating or something but yeah.
I'd like to know how the pit monkeys get some monkey vagina, any tips or experiences?



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#34
you have to look like this:


If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#35
Be attractive
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
#36
Quote by Harvey Swick
you have to look like this:



Maybe one day if you're lucky
You want some more seeneyj hate? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

You're all a bunch of f*cking slaves! - Jim Morrison

UG Awards
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#37
Quote by seeneyj
Maybe one day if you're lucky

roofalin is a fine substitute.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

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#38
if i knew girls i could get all the sex really easily, probably very often with even like 4 o5 r of them at once, every night, mulitple times probably
i mean, im assuming im good with women, i probobably am

i just cant find any
#40
if ur good looking and don't wanna waste time;

look straight in her eyes and just go "i really wanna make love to u", use a calm voice and a philosophical face too,

impossible this will not work. (tested)

if ur not,

then chances are pretty low, still it might depend on your talk. ofcourse if ur a rich basterd then ur a king.
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