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meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#1
So, inspired by the whole virginity thread, how do you seduce girls? aka how do you get them to have sex with you?
I have only had sex in half serious (not really) relationships, like after seeing a girl a couple times, i wouldn't call it like dating or something but yeah.
I'd like to know how the pit monkeys get some monkey vagina, any tips or experiences?
FireFromTheVoid
Strange Juice
Join date: Mar 2011
98 IQ
#2
I give them bananas, they give me monkey business.
Its a good system.
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet

Quote by FireFromTheVoid
I'll come out 3 years after the end of the world

Waterboy799
UG's Greek
Join date: Aug 2005
1,310 IQ
#3
money seems to work
Quote by Scutchington
I like this guy, he's UG's Greek, and he just told your ass in two paragraphs. And I once spent 5 minutes watching his avatar.


A Brain Malfunction

We'll Never Admit As Defeat
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#5
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Grow a beard.

Shave the part on your neck.

Keep it well kept.

Boom. You'll be mopping the wet from their legs with your beard in seconds.


i'm 18 but apparently unable to grow a decent bear, am i cursed?
FireFromTheVoid
Strange Juice
Join date: Mar 2011
98 IQ
#6
Quote by meatjesus
i'm 18 but apparently unable to grow a decent bear, am i cursed?

I can`t either, its cool bro.
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet

Quote by FireFromTheVoid
I'll come out 3 years after the end of the world

meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#7
Quote by FireFromTheVoid
I can`t either, its cool bro.

Pagan_Poetry
The Twilight Stoned
Join date: Apr 2009
3,467 IQ
#8
Quote by meatjesus
i'm 18 but apparently unable to grow a decent bear, am i cursed?


Growing bears are easy. Go to a berry tree, take one of them falling berries, and plant them under your apple tree. Chances are the extra A will make a bear come out of your ground and kill everyone.


If you meant beard, yeah, you don't have a good chance. Sorry.
The Madcap
Classical Guitarist
Join date: May 2007
9,780 IQ
#9
Take them to my place. Sit close with them on the couch. Just the smallest amounts of physical contact and body warmth can escalate things quickly. Also, if you can give a good massage, that will help tremendously.
lolmnt
Earth of the Butt
Join date: Sep 2006
4,159 IQ
#10
My family used to own a bearyard in wine country.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#11
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Growing bears are easy. Go to a berry tree, take one of them falling berries, and plant them under your apple tree. Chances are the extra A will make a bear come out of your ground and kill everyone.


If you meant beard, yeah, you don't have a good chance. Sorry.

No, I actually meant bear, that's great advice, thank you
StewieSwan
Decent User
Join date: Feb 2009
5,012 IQ
#12
Exploit their emotional attraction towards you.
666atheist666
Acϵ♠
UG Board King
Join date: Apr 2006
2,050 IQ
#13
How i get some monkey vagina...? I either go to the zoo or i go to atlanta
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Pagan_Poetry
The Twilight Stoned
Join date: Apr 2009
3,467 IQ
#14
Quote by meatjesus
No, I actually meant bear, that's great advice, thank you


Oh good! I'm so glad. I thought my studies to get my bear degree were pointless.

Don't forget:

If you want a black bear-black berry
If you want a grizzly bear-strawberry
If you want a polar bear-frozen berry of any sort
If you want a grizzly black bear-Chuck Berry.
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#15
Quote by The Madcap
Take them to my place. Sit close with them on the couch. Just the smallest amounts of physical contact and body warmth can escalate things quickly. Also, if you can give a good massage, that will help tremendously.

and how do you even get to the point of giving a massage?
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#16
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Oh good! I'm so glad. I thought my studies to get my bear degree were pointless.

Don't forget:

If you want a black bear-black berry
If you want a grizzly bear-strawberry
If you want a polar bear-frozen berry of any sort
If you want a grizzly black bear-Chuck Berry.

~
what if i want a gay bear?
FireFromTheVoid
Strange Juice
Join date: Mar 2011
98 IQ
#17
Quote by meatjesus
~
what if i want a gay bear?

Go to a gay bar.
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet

Quote by FireFromTheVoid
I'll come out 3 years after the end of the world

Acϵ♠
UG Board King
Join date: Apr 2006
2,050 IQ
#18
What if i want a jewish bear?
Quote by yellowfrizbee
What does a girl have to do to get it in the butt thats all I ever wanted from you. Why, Ace? Why? I clean my asshole every night hoping and wishing and it never happens.
Bitches be Crazy.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#21
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Use KY Berry


Gold berry

racist
Pagan_Poetry
The Twilight Stoned
Join date: Apr 2009
3,467 IQ
#22
Quote by meatjesus
racist


... How is that "racist"?

If anything the Chuck Berry one was

EDIT: I mean see if I help you grow bears again you patchy chinned... meat head! >:C


EDIT EDIT: I'm sorry I got mad. Just years of growing bears and studying them, I got offended and hurt by your claim
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#23
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
... How is that "racist"?

If anything the Chuck Berry one was

EDIT: I mean see if I help you grow bears again you patchy chinned... meat head! >:C


EDIT EDIT: I'm sorry I got mad. Just years of growing bears and studying them, I got offended and hurt by your claim


seriously, race based discrimination is probably the thing that pisses me off the most. And to think that 2 minutes ago i was thinking about asking you to marry me....
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,721 IQ
#25
I go "Eeey beybeh. Wanna go home and watch me play Guitar Hero? I got mad skills, girl."
*Panties drop*
=D

...Okay I lied. This never happened. Or ever will.
Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#27
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
Asking me to marry you? So soon?

Honey, love isn't a race.


heh, see what I did there? Right?


....


and besides studying bears you also make bad puns, i'm extremely aroused right now
meatjesus
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2012
166 IQ
#28
Quote by Joshua Garcia
I go "Eeey beybeh. Wanna go home and watch me play Guitar Hero? I got mad skills, girl."
*Panties drop*
=D

...Okay I lied. This never happened. Or ever will.


gotta try that, just for the lolz
TSmitty6
In the traphouse
Join date: Aug 2006
300 IQ
#29
Listening. Or pretending to if she's stupid.

Sip your drink and listen. Oh and make sure to give her something, even something little like a jacket to wearthe if itshes is cold, a drink, share your food, etc. By doing this, you can establish basic reciprocity. It starts with those little gestures.
58-32 NFL Thread Pick Em.
Megadeth136
UG Super President
Join date: Apr 2009
202 IQ
#32
I go up to them and say "Nice shoes let's fuck" always works.
Quote by Teh Traineez0rz
if the rest of us wanted rhino porn we would've looked for it ourselves.


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That's one large penis I'm frightened


Quote by Dwight.Schrute
I had sex with my dad.
seeneyj
UG Fanatic
Join date: Jul 2007
1,572 IQ
#33
Quote by meatjesus
So, inspired by the whole virginity thread, how do you seduce girls? aka how do you get them to have sex with you?
I have only had sex in half serious (not really) relationships, like after seeing a girl a couple times, i wouldn't call it like dating or something but yeah.
I'd like to know how the pit monkeys get some monkey vagina, any tips or experiences?



You want some more seeneyj hate? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

You're all a bunch of f*cking slaves! - Jim Morrison

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Harvey Swick
Naive American
Join date: Jun 2011
1,260 IQ
#34
you have to look like this:


If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
fail
Custom Mandy Moore avatar
Join date: Jan 2008
1,428 IQ
#35
Be attractive
Quote by Ian_the_fox
You're not girly enough of a boy for me, and you're not man enough to take the top. So like, sorry bitch but you ain't mine! Sorry.
seeneyj
UG Fanatic
Join date: Jul 2007
1,572 IQ
#36
Quote by Harvey Swick
you have to look like this:



Maybe one day if you're lucky
You want some more seeneyj hate? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT

You're all a bunch of f*cking slaves! - Jim Morrison

UG Awards
1st: Biggest Ego
1st: Most Likely To Become Famous
1st: Most Pretentious User
Harvey Swick
Naive American
Join date: Jun 2011
1,260 IQ
#37
Quote by seeneyj
Maybe one day if you're lucky

roofalin is a fine substitute.
If you do something right, no one will know you've done anything at all

Proud to be called Best Friends with Pastafarian96
Ichikurosaki
tri1 tri2 tri3 tri4
Join date: Sep 2007
158 IQ
#38
if i knew girls i could get all the sex really easily, probably very often with even like 4 o5 r of them at once, every night, mulitple times probably
i mean, im assuming im good with women, i probobably am

i just cant find any
satrionic1
rae
Join date: Oct 2011
111 IQ
#40
if ur good looking and don't wanna waste time;

look straight in her eyes and just go "i really wanna make love to u", use a calm voice and a philosophical face too,

impossible this will not work. (tested)

if ur not,

then chances are pretty low, still it might depend on your talk. ofcourse if ur a rich basterd then ur a king.