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Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#1
What would be your first order of business?


I think i'd turn water into beer and everything else into pizza.
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
LostLegion
32CSM
Join date: Oct 2010
2,216 IQ
#5
Get a shave, get a haircut and then get a job helping the homeless whilst not telling anybody I'm Jesus.
Bob_Sacamano
UG Board King
Join date: Jan 2012
238 IQ
#7
I would start having mad gay sex and turn into a woman so I can have lesbian sex.
stratman_13
666lb bongsession
Join date: Jun 2007
2,002 IQ
#9
Quote by Pagan_Poetry
I'd tell everybody how cross I was.

--

How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

--
necrosis1193
UG Nerd
Join date: Oct 2008
8,778 IQ
#10
Dear John Lennon: I am, in fact, bigger than you. Five inches bigger, to be exact.

Revive John Lennon so I can make him well aware of it personally.
Hey you! Yes, you! Buy my music! It's cool and stuff!

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern division champions, 2015: 81-81
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 world champions, 2015: 5-11
2015 Pick 'Em: 155-101
ErikLensherr
MGTOW
Join date: Jul 2011
1,634 IQ
#11
I'd move to the Bible Belt and be all

Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by Rossenrot
I was in NYC for all of about 5 minutes until I was called a cracker and called out to fight someone.
jjfeu662
Celestia
Join date: Jun 2012
1,996 IQ
#12
I would strike down Bieber.
Tomorrow will take us away
Far from home
No one will ever know our names
But the bards' songs will remain
Tomorrow will take it away
The fear of today
It will be gone
Due to our magic songs

ALL HAIL CELESTIA
digman50
Can't you hear me knockin
Join date: Sep 2008
547 IQ
#13
Ban Kirk Hammett from using any wah.
'And after a while, you can work on points for style.
Like the club tie, and the firm handshake,
A certain look in the eye and an easy smile.'

'You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to,
So that when they turn their backs on you,
You'll get the chance to put the knife in.'
Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#14
Quote by LostLegion
Get a shave, get a haircut and then get a job helping the homeless whilst not telling anybody I'm Jesus.



I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, But you're the gayest jesus ever.
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
shavorules42
UG Board King
Join date: Sep 2008
697 IQ
#15
fap
Quote by element4433
Be subtle with it. Don't like molest him.

And cup his balls.


Quote by blake1221
If there's anything to take away from this thread, anything at all, it's to always cup the balls.
snipelfritz
Senior Fun Correspondent
Join date: May 2006
1,554 IQ
#16
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
I think i'd turn water into beer and everything else into pizza.

You'd turn everything that isn't water into pizza??? That's sounds horrible. We'd constantly be slipping around in a gooey marinara-mozzarella mess. We'd have to use pepperoni for currency and everything would start to rot in a few days.

Something tells me you didn't think this through, TS.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
IRISH_PUNK13
Whoomit's campaign dude
Join date: Sep 2008
2,151 IQ
#17
I would harvest the fruits/veggies that you privileged bastards are always eating!
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#18
Quote by snipelfritz
You'd turn everything that isn't water into pizza??? That's sounds horrible. We'd constantly be slipping around in a gooey marinara-mozzarella mess. We'd have to use pepperoni for currency and everything would start to rot in a few days.

Something tells me you didn't think this through, TS.



why would it rot? I'm jesus


we would be like smurfs, but with beer and pizza! I don't see how this could be bad!
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
snipelfritz
Senior Fun Correspondent
Join date: May 2006
1,554 IQ
#19
how is that in any way like the smurfs?

Is Satan supposed to be like Gargamel or something?
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
IRISH_PUNK13
Whoomit's campaign dude
Join date: Sep 2008
2,151 IQ
#21
Quote by Obsceneairwaves
I don't see how this could be bad!


This.
we would be like smurfs


And this.
but with beer and pizza!


Seriously, you do realize that by replacing the water with beer that the cheese and crust would be made with beer too, which means that the pizza would probably be pretty gross, right?
Quote by L2112Lif
I put a ton of my capital into SW Airlines... The next day, THE NEXT DAY these nutters fly into the WTC. What the hell? Apparently no one wanted to fly anymore, and I was like "What gives? God damnit Osama, let me win a fuggin' game!"
Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#24
Quote by snipelfritz
how is that in any way like the smurfs?

Is Satan supposed to be like Gargamel or something?


both food


they live in mushrooms.


we would live in pizza... huts!


Quote by IRISH_PUNK13

Seriously, you do realize that by replacing the water with beer that the cheese and crust would be made with beer too, which means that the pizza would probably be pretty gross, right?



I'm jesus I could make the pizza awesome and fresh regardless
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,246 IQ
#25
I would tell them that my father thinks you're all scum.
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,246 IQ
#29
Quote by BlitzkriegAir
Are you sure you just wouldnt turn everything into a pony?


Quote by Shotgunmerc
I'd talk to atheists

And how they're scum?
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
Guodlca
Registered Abuser
Join date: Feb 2010
426 IQ
#30
I would ban the production of nails.
Not sure if a sig is a necessity.
strat0blaster
growing out of the snake
Join date: Feb 2008
1,098 IQ
#31
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
lolmnt
Earth of the Butt
Join date: Sep 2006
4,159 IQ
#34
I'd impeach this Obama guy.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,246 IQ
#35
Quote by Shotgunmerc
I'd try to teach them what I can of Christianity, and if they're not having any of it I'd just logicbomb the hell out of them

Bro do you even lift?
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,246 IQ
#37
Make his stories believable?
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
ErikLensherr
MGTOW
Join date: Jul 2011
1,634 IQ
#38
I'd explain to everyone that gays, atheists, Muslims, communists, etc. etc. are all good people and shouldn't be judged.

The only people my heavenly Father really hates is UG bronies.
Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by Rossenrot
I was in NYC for all of about 5 minutes until I was called a cracker and called out to fight someone.
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,246 IQ
#40
Quote by ErikLensherr
The only people my heavenly Father really hates is UG bronies.

HAIL SATAN.
Regarding the furry fandom from the man himself:
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care