DragTheWaters11
☺♣♠`
Join date: Jun 2009
1,335 IQ
#1
Critique for Critique. Just link to your song otherwise I won't have time to find / return the critique.

[DON'T HAVE TO CRITIQUE LYRICS, JUST MUSIC IS FINE]

Song's incomplete but lyrics are finished and below. Just want your thoughts on what I have so far. Thanks~

---- Lyrics ----

Verse 1:
You may be gone through fallen earth.
But darkness surrounds us.
Evil has laid refuge in hearth.
Morbidness becomes us.
Blind eye to limelight years.
Four decades befall lust.
Entropy filled with dying tears.
War cries enthrall trust.

Verse 2:
Gather time for divine lies.
Won't stop you stupid ****. [ f u c k ]
Lure flies to our desolate eyes.
Can't stop this new trump.
Rewind the fabric of time.
For once we've fallen through.
Rear back and repeat that line.
Death has befallen you!

Chorus / Outro x2
Cannot cut the malevolent ties.
Born under the sign of God.
Won't budge no matter the lies.
No sight of right or wrong.
Eternity feels the seeping rights.
Of a man left to the tape worm.
Looked up to blindness might.
Expert destruction has begun.


Systematic defection.
Despair found upon birth.
'Till the end of redemption.
No value left, no worth.

Reached out from the void.
Touch by a soul left unfurled.
Boiled to the precipice.
Point left withered, left murdered.

Chorus / Outro x1
Cannot cut the malevolent ties.
Born under the sign of God.
Won't budge no matter the lies.
No sight of right or wrong.
Eternity feels the seeping rights.
Of a man left to the tape worm.
Looked up to blindness might.
Expert destruction has begun.
Attachments:
Sign of God.gp5
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Last edited by DragTheWaters11 at Nov 23, 2012,
EpiExplorer
orsonfacenospace
Join date: May 2008
5,594 IQ
#2
The sweeping sections dont fit melodically.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
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xbitmetal
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2009
289 IQ
#3
Nothing to complain but in the "sweeping" section melody didn't fit. I edited the melody and put it into repeat so you can choose do you like your melody as it was before or this one.
Attachments:
You know what I'm saying2.gp4
DragTheWaters11
☺♣♠`
Join date: Jun 2009
1,335 IQ
#4
Okay, thanks. I thought the sweeps were fine because the off melody set an obscure sound but thank you.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
Jimmy-G
Jimmy G
Join date: Feb 2009
155 IQ
#5
Hey mate I just wanted to say that I agree with you that the sweeps do have an obscure sound too them. I personally think its fine if you keep it like that
Dig a tunnel of light through ignorant walls
GS LEAD 5
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
4,966 IQ
#6
Loved the intro, and those really groovy drums during the clean bits.

And I kinda agree about the sweeps, the kinda dont fit in. Try using the same notes as the chords you are using, albeit a couple of octaves higher, and maybe add in an augmented 4th or a minor second here and there to add some dissonance. Or just harmonize the sweeps to give a really moody sound.

EDIT: Lyrics are well written if you ask me, but cant really judge without a vocal melody line to fit it to.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1576445
Last edited by GS LEAD 5 at Dec 5, 2012,