Registered User
Join date: Nov 2012
21 IQ

So i've been playing in this band for about a year now. I started it with 4 pals and then got my other friend to play with us.

After a while the band lost respect for me and I don't know why. They stopped giving a shit about what I said, my suggestions etc. They won't say that what I write is shit but they give me subtle hints that we do not want what you're writing in our songs. It's not that what they write is bad, it's just that we have so different styles and they refuse to blend them (wich frankly I think sounds amazing). It's agonizing and a real confidence-lowerer when I write a really tasty riff that i'm super proud of and just basicly have to throw it down the drain.

They also started skipping alot of rehearsals... It's kind of hard to be the one taking all the initiatives, getting gigs, looking for producers, bandmembers (currently in need of a bass-player) while the rest of the band is like ''Meh, missed the subway, not going to make it today.'' I'm also the only one in the band whos really into music as a whole. Just found out that our drummer hasn't practiced at home for over 3 weeks wich for me is unreal, since I spend atleast 2-3 hours a day practicing.

So why don't I just leave? Yeah, well the problem is that I was friends with the bandmembers since before we formed the band. I don't want to ruin the relationships we have and being the douche who thought I was too good for them. I already have really bad self-esteem and the thought of rumors going around saying that im a total Yngwie Douchesteen is just... uh...

I also live in a really small town where everybody whos into metal only plays metalcore; meaning that my chances of forming a new band are very small.

I'm so fed up with this and I'm considering moving to USA in hopes of finding dedicated musicians to work with. So i'm turning to you guys for suggestions. Has anyone experienced or felt the same way? Should I make up a good excuse to leave? Am I overreacting? Is this maybe a normal thing in a band and i'm just going to have to accept it? I have tried telling them that it's time to step up and actually start comitting but they waved it of and kept on going as they do. I don't want create a nazi-regime in the band, they are my friends...

I have absolutley no clue what I should do. Any suggestions are welcome.

Sorry for butthurt post.

Registered User
Join date: Sep 2008
1,677 IQ
Drop this guy in the Bandleading forum.

I was actually in a similar situation not too long ago. I laid out my said and said something to the effect of "I feel like we're not going anywhere. Here's what I feel like I'm putting in, here's what I feel like you're putting in. It's not working for me to keep on like this. How do you guys feel?"

We resolved it by just dropping the whole band thing and focused on having fun playing together. I was bummed that my band wasn't happening, but it made more sense to me to keep my friends and drop the stressor from our relationship.
Emenius Sleepus
Blaze above the ashes
Join date: Mar 2003
1,005 IQ
leave the band, keep your friends

"Национальный танец русских - это на ваших ебаных могилах".
Keeper of the Seven Keys
Join date: Apr 2008
871 IQ
just play with them for fun, and write and record your own stuff by yourself.
Quote by NotFromANUS
"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"

Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
76 IQ
localband101.tumblr.com - check that out.

Lesson #1 - you'll outgrow your friends or they'll outgrow you. Everyone starts bands with friends and they never end it that way. So you can talk to them and ask them whats up, or if I were you and you want to keep friends - quit.

Tell 'em you aren't feeling it. You still love em but you gotta go.
Join date: Oct 2009
5,710 IQ
Quote by Kytokinesis
Solo project

This is basically what I did. Granted, my situation wasn't like yours. But the point is, if you do everything yourself, no one can gainsay you. You also learn a lot about songwriting and composing. Personally, the fact that I've had my "solo project" going for awhile now has been exactly what I needed. Maybe it's what you need.

The one thing is, if you decide to start recording any songs for your solo project, it's very easy to do, but ask the Recordings guys for help. I found out that my amp (Roland Cube 60-X) doesn't have a great line out and that Audacity isn't a great program for recording. So, the guys in Recordings gave me some suggestions. Basically, I'm set to record, and all I had to pay was like $17 for cables to run from my soundboard to my PC (got some virtual amp software now ). So, pretty damn good deal.
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2011
76 IQ
There's nothing quite like jamming with other people though. I'd say quit (bow out gracefully) and find others. Solo stuff is fine...but not if you wanna be in a band. It may help to write a few things so you have some ideas when meeting with new people but judging from what you said that doesn't seem to be the issue.
Lord of Battery
Join date: Apr 2009
390 IQ
Quote by Emenius Sleepus
leave the band, keep your friends

TS, I found myself much in the same situation as you at one point, and I realized that you will only ever get what you want out of a band if you have an intensely defined vision for what you want, and also if you know how to achieve it. So, listen to your favorite bands, find new ones, do some soul searching. You must know what you want to write before you can ever write, as it is. Music that challenges stagnation and is written to a higher standard of quality than average (average = using contrast between parts to create the "illusion" of narrative, not creating sublimely flowing melodies which actually do narrate) will promote itself. Consider learning music theory and applying it to your own writing, if you already don't. I recommend "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Music Compositon" which, despite the tongue-in-cheek title, is quite useful.
Last edited by Steve08 at Nov 27, 2012,