Wolfinator-x
Teeth
Join date: Apr 2007
1,337 IQ
#1
I do have to admit I'm not really all that proud of lines 5 to 8 (climb to the top to beat that), but I think the rest is pretty coo'. Opinions? Criticisms?

I wake up in the morning and I still don’t have you by my side
It’s like I’m sitting on the shore waiting for the bluest tide
But I know that you are happy you’ve already got a heart to tame
You know it all too well that to me it’s all the same
I’d climb to the top of the highest mountain and walk a thousand miles
But for this dame he’s done the same, he’s passed all of the trials
Knows how to croon and sing the blues just like an alley cat
All I can do is wait here for you, there’s no way I can beat that

CHORUS
My arms were made to cradle you
You cannot get away
And even if you try to
I will get you soon some day
My lips were made to serenade you
Every day with a new rhyme
And when you’ll want to start anew
I will have yours on mine

I rest my head at night and I still don’t have you by my side
If I did you know I’d call you my joy and my pride
But I just know that in the end it’s just a waiting game
You realize as well that there is no one else to blame


I'm not thinking about making this a ballad (I already have enough of those). As a matter of fact this is the tune I've had in my head while writing this (not sure why):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZaKbzV2zhk

EDIT: I just realized "Climb to the top of the highest mountain" is word-for-word a lyric line in 32 Pennies. lawl
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.
Artists I'm listening to a lot lately:
Stray Cats, Gustav Holst

Mah Youtube vids.
if you truly loved me, you'd watch them (psst; it's not just glam stuff)

Mah Soundcloud
Last edited by Wolfinator-x at Dec 3, 2012,
minkeymorgan
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2012
10 IQ
#2
hey wolf, i am new here today and read your lyrics. they are cool but lack punch. you need to cut through every line so the listener can truly feel wot you feel. for instance - "bluest tide" means zero. has no emotional attachment. bare with me fellow songwriter. each line has to have impact so one can relate to it. so, get the most out of each line. e.g. 'still i wake each morning without you by my side, (like) i'm ready at the shore to sail with no sign of the tide, you think that you are happy now and he's the one one i blame, yet i'm the the one your searching for just waiting here in vain......." see wot i mean. put your heart on the line. each line. draw the listener in. paint the story clearly yet poetically. how does this differ to wot you wrote? better or worse? leave it up to you. good luck out there wolf. minkey (2nd line chorus = so you can't break away. and even if you wanted to there's no better place to stay...)
Wolfinator-x
Teeth
Join date: Apr 2007
1,337 IQ
#3
Thanks Minkey

Yes, your lyrics seem to have more of an emotional vibe to them, and quite frankly, they could work! However, like I said, this is more of a "I'm gonna get you " rock anthem and less of a "I really wish I had you " ballad kind of thing. I'm also looking more into a sort of gallant/noble tone, in that the character who is singing is glad that his love interest is happy with someone else, but that it doesn't matter because eventually he'll have her anyway.

Nonetheless, many thanks, I'm still considering what you posted
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.
Artists I'm listening to a lot lately:
Stray Cats, Gustav Holst

Mah Youtube vids.
if you truly loved me, you'd watch them (psst; it's not just glam stuff)

Mah Soundcloud
PSNbridgy
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2011
11 IQ
#4
i watch the video and thought it was your song for a sec and thought, hey thats pretty damn good lol
Wolfinator-x
Teeth
Join date: Apr 2007
1,337 IQ
#5
Quote by PSNbridgy
i watch the video and thought it was your song for a sec and thought, hey thats pretty damn good lol
I'll take that as a compliment
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.
Artists I'm listening to a lot lately:
Stray Cats, Gustav Holst

Mah Youtube vids.
if you truly loved me, you'd watch them (psst; it's not just glam stuff)

Mah Soundcloud
therudycometh
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2008
167 IQ
#7
Quote by minkeymorgan
hey wolf, i am new here today and read your lyrics. they are cool but lack punch. you need to cut through every line so the listener can truly feel wot you feel. for instance - "bluest tide" means zero. has no emotional attachment. bare with me fellow songwriter. each line has to have impact so one can relate to it. so, get the most out of each line. e.g. 'still i wake each morning without you by my side, (like) i'm ready at the shore to sail with no sign of the tide, you think that you are happy now and he's the one one i blame, yet i'm the the one your searching for just waiting here in vain......." see wot i mean. put your heart on the line. each line. draw the listener in. paint the story clearly yet poetically. how does this differ to wot you wrote? better or worse? leave it up to you. good luck out there wolf. minkey (2nd line chorus = so you can't break away. and even if you wanted to there's no better place to stay...)

I gotta agree - I'm not sure what that means lol. I think the thought is there, but you have to use your vocabulary better. When writing lyrics, you have a certain amount of space to get your thoughts into... whether it's just that one line or it's a 3-4 minute song, you need to choose your words very carefully to get the most thought and emotion into your lyrics. The line about highest mountains and thousands of miles is soooo cliche - be original! Say what YOU want to say, not what everyone else has already said!

If you get a chance, C4C: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1580447&referrerid=944455
-Rudy

Quote by blackthought
Sometimes it's best to prepare for the worst possible eventuality... sex with Bill Murray.
Quote by DukeDeRox
I'm as shallow as a dry lake bed.