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Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#1
That's right. It's confession time.

The Rules

1. DON'T POST YOUR CONFESSIONS IN HERE.

If you want to confess something, go to this site:

http://www.deadfake.com/Send.aspx

And send the e-mail to uganonconfessions@hotmail.com. I will review and post them myself, and no one will ever know your identity. Not even me!

2. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

A lot of the content in here is probably going to be humorous, but keep in mind that some users may be tortured by the secrets they're keeping. Be sensitive and understand the difference between the funny secrets and the personal demons. If this thread goes well, it should be both fun and cathartic.

3. DON'T SPAM THE THREAD.

This is simple enough, but let's not clutter the thread with too much crap. Keep the chatter relevant to the confessions.

I will try to keep the thread updated as often as possible. If the load becomes too much I might ask for a hand, but we'll have to wait and see.

Let's get started. Bare your souls, children.
ErikLensherr
MGTOW
Join date: Jul 2011
1,630 IQ
#2
I voted for Romney.
Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by Rossenrot
I was in NYC for all of about 5 minutes until I was called a cracker and called out to fight someone.
blake1221
‭‭
Join date: Oct 2007
711 IQ
#3
Submitted

Quote by ErikLensherr
I voted for Romney.


YOU SON OF A BITCH THAT WAS MY CONFESSION
blake1221
‭‭
Join date: Oct 2007
711 IQ
#5
Three posts down, three rules broken.


We're great at this shit, guys.
LostLegion
32CSM
Join date: Oct 2010
2,216 IQ
#8
Quote by Thrill-house
You guys didn't read the rules did you?

You're right, I had to email him that.
laid-to-waste
...BlTCH
Join date: Mar 2011
1,731 IQ
#9
i just submitted a big one. if there's no other submissions then it probably narrows it down pretty well so DON'T TELL ANYBODY
WCPhils
UnBanned
Join date: Sep 2010
731 IQ
#10
Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,716 IQ
#11
Quote by Thrill-house
You guys didn't read the rules did you?

My secret is: I'm dyslexic.
Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Dec 12, 2012,
laid-to-waste
...BlTCH
Join date: Mar 2011
1,731 IQ
#12
****ing hell phil get your shit together it's anonymous you email op the ****ing confession
Johnny_Ibanez
ʎuuɥoſ
Join date: Mar 2009
1,251 IQ
#13
Quote by WCPhils
Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.


Jesus man. Did you type all that from memory?
ryan_nadon
ass brain
Join date: Mar 2008
134 IQ
#14
Quote by laid-to-waste
i just submitted a big one. if there's no other submissions then it probably narrows it down pretty well so DON'T TELL ANYBODY

If only there was a better way to keep your anonymity!
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
WCPhils
UnBanned
Join date: Sep 2010
731 IQ
#15
Quote by Johnny_Ibanez
Jesus man. Did you type all that from memory?

I remember it like it was yesterday.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#16
First round:

I'm 28 and have never been kissed.


I'm probably going to top myself at 30.


I've been single for 21 years straight.


I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but she might have cancer and I feel like I need to stay in the relationship.


I found a girl I like's tumblr blog over two years ago. I read through it all and used her interests to get her to like me. Our two year anniversary is next tuesday.


I hate pokemon.
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,716 IQ
#17
I hate pokemon.

Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#18
Dammit, I can't send the message because my Uni's filter stops me after every page on that website.

Anyway, I stole Candy Sticks from the local Balfour every day for a week until I was too consumed with guilt to do it anymore.

EDIT: Shout out cancer guy, that's shit's cray.
Last edited by willT08 at Dec 12, 2012,
Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#19
Really though, why is everyone saying that they sent theirs? Do we need to have a talk about what the word "anonymous" means?
willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#20
Quote by Samdroid
Really though, why is everyone saying that they sent theirs? Do we need to have a talk about what the word "anonymous" means?

It doesn't reveal who's is who's and keeps your thread near the top so we get more replies. Cheer up you cunt
willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#22
Quote by Samdroid
Rule #2, brah.

Rule #Threads don't need rules you penis.
Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#23
Dear Mr. Samdroid,

When I was 11 I stole candy sticks from the local Balfour every day for a week until on the Friday I was too consumed with guilt to go through with it. I just couldn't resist that sugary goodness.

I also cheated on my girlfriend of 2 and a half years and never told her but that betrayal is miniscule when compared.

Yours with an erection,

Anon


Yours was very polite, Will.

Since my girlfriend left me earlier this year, I don't find joy in anything any more. I make any excuse to avoid social situations just to stay at home and mope. The only social outlet I have these days is posting shit in The Pit.

****ing pathetic wastrel.


This makes me sad. Things will look up, dude. Peaks and valleys.
laid-to-waste
...BlTCH
Join date: Mar 2011
1,731 IQ
#24
Quote by Samdroid
Really though, why is everyone saying that they sent theirs? Do we need to have a talk about what the word "anonymous" means?

nobody cares about your gay ass rules man
Burgery
crack hitler
Join date: Nov 2009
3,179 IQ
#25
your lame site is blocked by my isp
Quote by JamSessionFreak
lots of really smart stuff
Horsedick.MPEG
Dot MPEG
Join date: Jan 2010
770 IQ
#26
I'm not the real Horsedick.MPEG, I'm his lame twin Horsedick.JPEG

2013 #5 Uger
2012 #7 Uger

Quote by jetfuel495
Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

Quote by JayT44
don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



Stalk Me

Shitty Covers

Original Music

Lastfm
Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#27
Jetfuel asked me to establish rules. If you don't like it, take it up with him.

I once had a threesome....and not the cool kind.


I have two room-mates. One is a skinny shy beta male and the other a chubby female with extremely low self-esteem.

Sometimes I like to steal one of each pair of her socks and use it to masturbate. When I'm finished, I wrap the soiled sock around this thick wooden spoon handle I have. I then proceed to stimulate my prostate with this device while attempting to masturbate a second time.

I dispose of the sock by shoving it down to the bottom of the garbage bag.

One day when was taking the bag out of the can it ripped and she saw her sock. She was glad it she was not imagining the disappearing socks. I suggested the quiet and slightly effeminate waif of a man might be responsible for the thefts

She was annoyed at first but due to her pathetic levels of self-esteem, she finds it flattering now and has been attempting advances on the boy. He is oblivious to the point that he thinks she wants me right now.


I'm sure I heard his breathing next to my door one night when I was attempting something very complex on myself.
willT08
Banned
Join date: Jul 2009
2,923 IQ
#28
Quote by Samdroid
Yours was very polite, Will.
Y'see, you think you've done me up with that. But I've already posted about that on here several times.
WCPhils
UnBanned
Join date: Sep 2010
731 IQ
#29

I have two room-mates. One is a skinny shy beta male and the other a chubby female with extremely low self-esteem.

Sometimes I like to steal one of each pair of her socks and use it to masturbate. When I'm finished, I wrap the soiled sock around this thick wooden spoon handle I have. I then proceed to stimulate my prostate with this device while attempting to masturbate a second time.

I dispose of the sock by shoving it down to the bottom of the garbage bag.

One day when was taking the bag out of the can it ripped and she saw her sock. She was glad it she was not imagining the disappearing socks. I suggested the quiet and slightly effeminate waif of a man might be responsible for the thefts

She was annoyed at first but due to her pathetic levels of self-esteem, she finds it flattering now and has been attempting advances on the boy. He is oblivious to the point that he thinks she wants me right now.


I'm sure I heard his breathing next to my door one night when I was attempting something very complex on myself.



Well I wonder who wrote that
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
Johnny_Ibanez
ʎuuɥoſ
Join date: Mar 2009
1,251 IQ
#30
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man


Hey man, I've not seen your Bane-like abs round here for a while! Where the fuck you been?

P.S. I think the sock story up there is yours. And the two protagonists are your parents. Amirite? Yeah amrite.
Xiaoxi
Registered Luser
Join date: Nov 2007
2,744 IQ
#31
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man


...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
Thrill-house
.
Join date: Jun 2008
150 IQ
#32
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man

Jetfuel needs to get in here and rip into you for being rude.
laid-to-waste
...BlTCH
Join date: Mar 2011
1,731 IQ
#33
Quote by Johnny_Ibanez
Hey man, I've not seen your Bane-like abs round here for a while! Where the fuck you been?

P.S. I think the sock story up there is yours. And the two protagonists are your parents. Amirite? Yeah amrite.

hey man, my abs are bigger now i swear

i've kinda migrated to reddit which i hate myself for. it really sucks

nah man, mine's not been posted yet. you'll never guess which one's mine though.
Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#34
Sigh.

I don't listen to my iPod on public buses in case people think I'm antisocial.


I signed up for OkCupid the other day. I feel so desperate.


I haven't been on a date since I've graduated high school 3 years ago. Haven't had any action, kissed a girl, or even held hands since then.

feelsbadman.jpeg
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,716 IQ
#35
Where's my confession?
It's the one that says "TS's uptightness on rules gives me a huge boner." But keep it anonymous.
Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
Samdroid
#Cenation
Join date: Jan 2007
264 IQ
#36
I have multiple more:
-I once laughed at someones joke when they didn't even say the punchline yet.
-I go on websites like Chatroulette and Omegle to actually talk to people.
-When I'm home alone I sing loudly.
-My girlfriend said I overreact. So I killed her.


No big deal though, right?

A few years ago I got a coworker fired because I didn't like him. A few weeks later I heard that he lost his apartment and car because he couldn't pay for them. He also had a kid.


I've jacked off to the thought of raping someone


I want to move away but i'm pretty sure i'm the only thing keeping my parents from divorcing. 3 times since the summer i've had to calm them down when they were on the verge of kicking each other out of the house. My dad is an insecure baby because my mom is shy and doesn't physically show her love because my dad works so much that he comes home only at like 4am and is asleep when everybody else is awake and vice versa so he thinks nobody loves him. It sucks.
Johnny_Ibanez
ʎuuɥoſ
Join date: Mar 2009
1,251 IQ
#37
A few years ago I got a coworker fired because I didn't like him. A few weeks later I heard that he lost his apartment and car because he couldn't pay for them. He also had a kid.


You cold bastard.
muffinduck01
UG's BBW Lover
Join date: Feb 2009
192 IQ
#38
-My girlfriend said I overreact. So I killed her.

At first I thought this was serious and got depressed.

Then I got the joke and was like
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....
whywefight
~I'm not fuckin around~
Join date: Dec 2010
1,725 IQ
#39
lol you guys are losers


just kidding I submitted one