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#1
That's right. It's confession time.

The Rules

1. DON'T POST YOUR CONFESSIONS IN HERE.

If you want to confess something, go to this site:

http://www.deadfake.com/Send.aspx

And send the e-mail to uganonconfessions@hotmail.com. I will review and post them myself, and no one will ever know your identity. Not even me!

2. DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE.

A lot of the content in here is probably going to be humorous, but keep in mind that some users may be tortured by the secrets they're keeping. Be sensitive and understand the difference between the funny secrets and the personal demons. If this thread goes well, it should be both fun and cathartic.

3. DON'T SPAM THE THREAD.

This is simple enough, but let's not clutter the thread with too much crap. Keep the chatter relevant to the confessions.

I will try to keep the thread updated as often as possible. If the load becomes too much I might ask for a hand, but we'll have to wait and see.

Let's get started. Bare your souls, children.
#2
I voted for Romney.
Quote by EpiExplorer
I swear this guy in particular writes for the telegraph or some shit.

Quote by Fat Lard
My name can actually be traced back to as early as the 1990s, it means "fuck off data miner"
#3
Submitted

Quote by ErikLensherr
I voted for Romney.


YOU SON OF A BITCH THAT WAS MY CONFESSION
#8
Quote by Thrill-house
You guys didn't read the rules did you?

You're right, I had to email him that.
#9
i just submitted a big one. if there's no other submissions then it probably narrows it down pretty well so DON'T TELL ANYBODY
Click here for my FUCKING NEW guitar cover of Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing Ver. 5 WHICH IS BETTER
#10
Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#11
Quote by Thrill-house
You guys didn't read the rules did you?

My secret is: I'm dyslexic.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
The act of playing the guitar isn't supposed to be entertaining.
Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Dec 12, 2012,
#12
****ing hell phil get your shit together it's anonymous you email op the ****ing confession
Click here for my FUCKING NEW guitar cover of Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing Ver. 5 WHICH IS BETTER
#13
Quote by WCPhils
Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.


Jesus man. Did you type all that from memory?
#14
Quote by laid-to-waste
i just submitted a big one. if there's no other submissions then it probably narrows it down pretty well so DON'T TELL ANYBODY

If only there was a better way to keep your anonymity!
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
#15
Quote by Johnny_Ibanez
Jesus man. Did you type all that from memory?

I remember it like it was yesterday.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#16
First round:

I'm 28 and have never been kissed.


I'm probably going to top myself at 30.


I've been single for 21 years straight.


I don't want to be with my girlfriend anymore, but she might have cancer and I feel like I need to stay in the relationship.


I found a girl I like's tumblr blog over two years ago. I read through it all and used her interests to get her to like me. Our two year anniversary is next tuesday.


I hate pokemon.
#17
I hate pokemon.

Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
The act of playing the guitar isn't supposed to be entertaining.
#18
Dammit, I can't send the message because my Uni's filter stops me after every page on that website.

Anyway, I stole Candy Sticks from the local Balfour every day for a week until I was too consumed with guilt to do it anymore.

EDIT: Shout out cancer guy, that's shit's cray.
Last edited by willT08 at Dec 12, 2012,
#19
Really though, why is everyone saying that they sent theirs? Do we need to have a talk about what the word "anonymous" means?
#20
Quote by Samdroid
Really though, why is everyone saying that they sent theirs? Do we need to have a talk about what the word "anonymous" means?

It doesn't reveal who's is who's and keeps your thread near the top so we get more replies. Cheer up you cunt
#23
Dear Mr. Samdroid,

When I was 11 I stole candy sticks from the local Balfour every day for a week until on the Friday I was too consumed with guilt to go through with it. I just couldn't resist that sugary goodness.

I also cheated on my girlfriend of 2 and a half years and never told her but that betrayal is miniscule when compared.

Yours with an erection,

Anon


Yours was very polite, Will.

Since my girlfriend left me earlier this year, I don't find joy in anything any more. I make any excuse to avoid social situations just to stay at home and mope. The only social outlet I have these days is posting shit in The Pit.

****ing pathetic wastrel.


This makes me sad. Things will look up, dude. Peaks and valleys.
#24
Quote by Samdroid
Really though, why is everyone saying that they sent theirs? Do we need to have a talk about what the word "anonymous" means?

nobody cares about your gay ass rules man
Click here for my FUCKING NEW guitar cover of Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing Ver. 5 WHICH IS BETTER
#25
your lame site is blocked by my isp
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#27
Jetfuel asked me to establish rules. If you don't like it, take it up with him.

I once had a threesome....and not the cool kind.


I have two room-mates. One is a skinny shy beta male and the other a chubby female with extremely low self-esteem.

Sometimes I like to steal one of each pair of her socks and use it to masturbate. When I'm finished, I wrap the soiled sock around this thick wooden spoon handle I have. I then proceed to stimulate my prostate with this device while attempting to masturbate a second time.

I dispose of the sock by shoving it down to the bottom of the garbage bag.

One day when was taking the bag out of the can it ripped and she saw her sock. She was glad it she was not imagining the disappearing socks. I suggested the quiet and slightly effeminate waif of a man might be responsible for the thefts

She was annoyed at first but due to her pathetic levels of self-esteem, she finds it flattering now and has been attempting advances on the boy. He is oblivious to the point that he thinks she wants me right now.


I'm sure I heard his breathing next to my door one night when I was attempting something very complex on myself.
#28
Quote by Samdroid
Yours was very polite, Will.
Y'see, you think you've done me up with that. But I've already posted about that on here several times.
#29

I have two room-mates. One is a skinny shy beta male and the other a chubby female with extremely low self-esteem.

Sometimes I like to steal one of each pair of her socks and use it to masturbate. When I'm finished, I wrap the soiled sock around this thick wooden spoon handle I have. I then proceed to stimulate my prostate with this device while attempting to masturbate a second time.

I dispose of the sock by shoving it down to the bottom of the garbage bag.

One day when was taking the bag out of the can it ripped and she saw her sock. She was glad it she was not imagining the disappearing socks. I suggested the quiet and slightly effeminate waif of a man might be responsible for the thefts

She was annoyed at first but due to her pathetic levels of self-esteem, she finds it flattering now and has been attempting advances on the boy. He is oblivious to the point that he thinks she wants me right now.


I'm sure I heard his breathing next to my door one night when I was attempting something very complex on myself.



Well I wonder who wrote that
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#30
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man


Hey man, I've not seen your Bane-like abs round here for a while! Where the fuck you been?

P.S. I think the sock story up there is yours. And the two protagonists are your parents. Amirite? Yeah amrite.
#31
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man


...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#32
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man

Jetfuel needs to get in here and rip into you for being rude.
#33
Quote by Johnny_Ibanez
Hey man, I've not seen your Bane-like abs round here for a while! Where the fuck you been?

P.S. I think the sock story up there is yours. And the two protagonists are your parents. Amirite? Yeah amrite.

hey man, my abs are bigger now i swear

i've kinda migrated to reddit which i hate myself for. it really sucks

nah man, mine's not been posted yet. you'll never guess which one's mine though.
Click here for my FUCKING NEW guitar cover of Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing Ver. 5 WHICH IS BETTER
#34
Sigh.

I don't listen to my iPod on public buses in case people think I'm antisocial.


I signed up for OkCupid the other day. I feel so desperate.


I haven't been on a date since I've graduated high school 3 years ago. Haven't had any action, kissed a girl, or even held hands since then.

feelsbadman.jpeg
#35
Where's my confession?
It's the one that says "TS's uptightness on rules gives me a huge boner." But keep it anonymous.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
The act of playing the guitar isn't supposed to be entertaining.
#36
I have multiple more:
-I once laughed at someones joke when they didn't even say the punchline yet.
-I go on websites like Chatroulette and Omegle to actually talk to people.
-When I'm home alone I sing loudly.
-My girlfriend said I overreact. So I killed her.


No big deal though, right?

A few years ago I got a coworker fired because I didn't like him. A few weeks later I heard that he lost his apartment and car because he couldn't pay for them. He also had a kid.


I've jacked off to the thought of raping someone


I want to move away but i'm pretty sure i'm the only thing keeping my parents from divorcing. 3 times since the summer i've had to calm them down when they were on the verge of kicking each other out of the house. My dad is an insecure baby because my mom is shy and doesn't physically show her love because my dad works so much that he comes home only at like 4am and is asleep when everybody else is awake and vice versa so he thinks nobody loves him. It sucks.
#37
A few years ago I got a coworker fired because I didn't like him. A few weeks later I heard that he lost his apartment and car because he couldn't pay for them. He also had a kid.


You cold bastard.
#38
-My girlfriend said I overreact. So I killed her.

At first I thought this was serious and got depressed.

Then I got the joke and was like
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....
#40
Quote by laid-to-waste
nobody cares about your gay ass rules man


Let's keep it in line in here.
Quote by Thrill-house
Jetfuel needs to get in here and rip into you for being rude.
babby still mad? did he take the internet so seriously he has to bring it up in another thread?