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#121
I love how this can keep going because the topic changes every 10 posts.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#122
For one of my birthday parties when I was maybe 9 or 10 the main thing I wanted was a flip n dive barbie. My family got it for me so they're the only ones who know of this.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#124
Hey, look at that!

I made out with my cousin when I was like 8.


I watched Barney until I was about 9 years old


My ex dumped me after several years of being together - I tried getting over it by seeing a prostitute straight afterwards. I still feel awful about it, but want to go back.


I was jacking off earlier using my laptop, and while I had muted the TV I forgot to turn it off completely. I was getting really into it until I moved my head to the side and came face-to-face with Billy Crystal, who was looking at me like he knew what I was doing. I couldn't finish.
#126
Why has this thread been allowed to slip to page 2?

I was jacking off earlier using my laptop, and while I had muted the TV I forgot to turn it off completely. I was getting really into it until I moved my head to the side and came face-to-face with Billy Crystal, who was looking at me like he knew what I was doing. I couldn't finish.




#130
I was once the victim of bullying at work because people thought I'd pissed myself, but really someone had rubbed up against me and I came in pants - so I guess I win really, because they were all wrong.
Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#131
Quote by metacarpi
I was once the victim of bullying at work because people thought I'd pissed myself, but really someone had rubbed up against me and I came in pants - so I guess I win really, because they were all wrong.

What?
We're all alright!
#132
Quote by metacarpi
I was once the victim of bullying at work because people thought I'd pissed myself, but really someone had rubbed up against me and I came in pants - so I guess I win really, because they were all wrong.

Peep Show

Get out, liar.
#133
Ah, I got another one. Everybody on UG hates me.


Quote by Todd Hart
So 'crunk and 'gandhi are already pussy-whipped, impressive.

Quote by Burgery
you just think they're being mean to you because you have fragile girl feelings
#134
Quote by kimberlydawn
Ah, I got another one. Everybody on UG hates me.

Nobody knows who you are.
#135
Quote by kimberlydawn
Ah, I got another one. Everybody on UG hates me.

We have something in common.
We're all alright!
#137
Quote by jetfuel495
Speaking of Twilight, know who's really hot?




would sit through the movies for that
I have a confession: jetfeul has impeccable taste in women.
#139
I found a girl I like's tumblr blog over two years ago. I read through it all and used her interests to get her to like me. Our two year anniversary is next tuesday.


that's not confession worthy, that's common sense and consideration good going bro.
LtBrenton

Quote by Douglas Adams
The art of flying lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.


Quote by soulflyV


If I didn't have a mudkip in there, I'd sig that.


http://ltbrenton.wordpress.com My blog. Check it out.

☠ ☠ ☠
#143
Quote by K'Nuckles
Don't let this die.

This
This is probably my favourite thread in a long, long time.

pretentious small text, right justified signature
UG's professional coffee nerd
also UG's musical theatre nerd
roscoe's wetsuit
#144
I masturbate daily.


Wait, this is confession worthy? If you're reading this, it's not masturbation addiction that's your problem, it's a lack of proper sex education. Once daily is a perfectly healthy frequency.
.
#145
I have a metric shitload of confessions to go through, so from here on out I will be doing five per post. That way I can save them up and bump the thread regularly.

My friends joke that I'm an alcoholic, and I joke about it a lot. But deep down inside I know that if it wasn't for alcohol, I would not be able to function. And yet it hinders every aspect of my life.


My ex kept an online diary that she thought noone knew about. I did. I found out the password and read it on a regular basis to find out what she was really thinking.

We broke up months ago but I still read it. I hate finding out how many guys she's been with since me.

This wasn't just a short-term thing. We went out for years and I've been reading her diary since about 2006.


In reply to the previous post:

Atheists are assholes for the same reason grammar nazis are assholes.

They love being right.


I just can't handle anyone thinking they're better than me.

One of my close friends got married to his gf of 5 yrs about a year ago. He's quite a bit younger than me and won't shut up about how perfect his perfect wife is and how they have this amazingly perfect relationship with no secrets and they are soulmates and all that stupid shit that makes me sick. It's only his 2nd serious relationship but I will admit the girl is pleasant and okay to be around.

About 6 months ago I got fed up with him constantly going on about her. I'm just sitting there thinking 'mate shut up about her and talk about something else' but I'm too polite to say so. I decided to mess up their 'perfect' relationship rather than wait for time to bring it down. I don't know why I wanted to do this, he's my friend and I'd do anything for him, but I just have this spite and anger towards such presumed perfection.

I spent the next months slowly talking my way into his wife, doing things like demeaning him in front of her and behind his back, chumming up to her in a friendly but not quite friend-zone way, pointing out how boring and meaningless marriage is, and so on.

Last month I finally shagged her. Once in their bed, another time on a weekend when we were all with some mutual friends. I was planning to ditch her hard, for some kind of perverse amusement, but I decided I couldn't at that point handle being around her pissed off for the length of their marriage or having him not talking to me ever again if it came out. I made some story up about totally being in love with some random and that we should bury everything and never mention it. She reluctantly agreed as she was starting to fall for me. I believe she was genuine when she said she was completely faithful to him before that. We're on good terms now, as she blames herself for the betrayal, when it was all me.

When he starts talking about his amazing relationship, I smile now at the secret I will always hold over it. A secret that knowing him, would end it.


I make up outrageous and extremely detailed stories and submit them to confession sites.

They are very convincing.


I laugh quietly to myself when people on the internet are emotionally affected by my stories.


Retirement is really boring. I hope I live long enough for science to reverse ageing. My bad knee means I'm housebound most of the time.

Weirdly, my breasts are the only thing that still looks good at this age.


And hey, here's a bonus one:

I've killed a lot of people. Some girls in the apartment uptown uh, some homeless people maybe 5 or 10 um an NYU girl I met in Central Park. I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun, and some man uh some old faggot with a dog last week. I killed another girl with a chainsaw, I had to, she almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a model, but she's dead too. And Paul Allen. I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face, his body is dissolving in a bathtub in Hell's Kitchen. I don't want to leave anything out here. I guess I've killed maybe 20 people, maybe 40. I have tapes of a lot of it, uh some of the girls have seen the tapes. I even, um... I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess I'll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I'm a pretty uh, I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy.
#147
Quote by Horsedick.MPEG
I'm not the real Horsedick.MPEG, I'm his lame twin Horsedick.JPEG




How did you all miss this gem?
#148
I just can't handle anyone thinking they're better than me.

One of my close friends got married to his gf of 5 yrs about a year ago. He's quite a bit younger than me and won't shut up about how perfect his perfect wife is and how they have this amazingly perfect relationship with no secrets and they are soulmates and all that stupid shit that makes me sick. It's only his 2nd serious relationship but I will admit the girl is pleasant and okay to be around.

About 6 months ago I got fed up with him constantly going on about her. I'm just sitting there thinking 'mate shut up about her and talk about something else' but I'm too polite to say so. I decided to mess up their 'perfect' relationship rather than wait for time to bring it down. I don't know why I wanted to do this, he's my friend and I'd do anything for him, but I just have this spite and anger towards such presumed perfection.

I spent the next months slowly talking my way into his wife, doing things like demeaning him in front of her and behind his back, chumming up to her in a friendly but not quite friend-zone way, pointing out how boring and meaningless marriage is, and so on.

Last month I finally shagged her. Once in their bed, another time on a weekend when we were all with some mutual friends. I was planning to ditch her hard, for some kind of perverse amusement, but I decided I couldn't at that point handle being around her pissed off for the length of their marriage or having him not talking to me ever again if it came out. I made some story up about totally being in love with some random and that we should bury everything and never mention it. She reluctantly agreed as she was starting to fall for me. I believe she was genuine when she said she was completely faithful to him before that. We're on good terms now, as she blames herself for the betrayal, when it was all me.

When he starts talking about his amazing relationship, I smile now at the secret I will always hold over it. A secret that knowing him, would end it.

If this is actually true....

Damn
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#150
Quote by Samdroid

And hey, here's a bonus one:
"I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face"

Oh my god, that's brilliant
#153
Excellent thread. I've submitted and thus feel slightly less burdened
UG'S SEXIEST TRANNY 2010

UG'S 3rd HOTTEST CROSSDRESSER 2011
#154
Quote by Brick23
Excellent thread. I've submitted and thus feel slightly less burdened

Same here! It's like...wow...I'm not nearly as ****ed up as some of these other guys!
Gear:
Paul Reed Smith SE Custom 24
Marshall MG30DFX
ISP Noise Decimator
Need a new amp. Any ideas? PM me


Quote by Kensai
Either you got the wrong thread or the gays in your state are very well hung.

#156
Okay, this one has me actually worried.

My girlfriend who is the only person I've confession my depression to and has talked me out of suicide (ages ago though) before has just broken up with me out of the blue. She said she's never cared about my problems and that I should never contact her again despite me being nice to her and happy for the last few months. Now I'm probably gonna off myself anyway as the one person I thought would actually care about me never actually gave a shit whether or not I died. Just thought I would let my UG bros know first. Farewell


If you sent this to me and it wasn't a prank, I beg you to send me a PM. Let me help if I can.
#157
I'd say PM me as well but I'm about to go to sleep. PM SteveHouse.

Really hope that's not real.
#158
yea that not funny. Please PM someone bro.

Hopefully it was just someone joking around.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#159
I'll post some others in the meantime, but for that user or anyone else who may be feeling suicidal, my inbox is always open.

I edited out close-up clips of Julia Roberts talking into a compilation. When I need to jerk it, I play it on loop on my 50" TV and nut all over my tv screen. It isn't too much trouble to wipe off, I never cum more than a few drops.


When I was a kid I used to watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Bravo and wish I was gay because gay guys looked so cool and stylish.


I don't know why people hate me, I'm the best person on this site.


-Zach


Not half an hour ago, the girl that I'm pretty sure I've been in love with for the last 2 years made me promise I don't have feelings for her.

That sucked.


I would have failed High School if it wasn't for my government teacher bumping my grade up to a D in the last week. I probably would have ended up dead if it wasn't for her, considering how self destructive I was at that time. I owe her everything.
#160
Mr. (Or Mrs. IDK, not here to judge) Suicide

Please don't do it. I'm not exactly good at this type of stuff, but I can tell you that suicide is never, ever worth it.

Please, send a PM to someone, or go to the Hugging Thread. I can speak from experience when I say those people in there are some of the nicest and most helpful on this site.
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....