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#81
The first time I jacked off, all I thought was that when you achieve a certain level of horniness you lose control of your bladder and a little piss comes out.

Yeah, I know, I know.
#82
Quote by bradulator
haha.

How have they not kicked you out of Rutgers yet?

i haven't been there for two years now.

one of the deans made me take a medical leave instead of outright failing my second semester.

i can still go back, but i have no plans to as i'd be on academic probation right off the bat and i couldn't stand 90% of the classes i was taking.

also, i'm not about to let Sallie Mae slide their dick any further down my throat by taking out another loan.

been halfheartedly attempting to find a job/get my license/go to community college since then.

might (big emphasis on might) get a job working nights unloading trucks for $18/hr
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#83
Quote by Xiaoxi
I have an irrational fear of cancer/disease


Same here, I know what that's like. I have had two close family members die from cancer and it has made me somewhat of a hypochondriac. Funny thing is that the hypochondriasis can easily turn into an actual problem.

And the cycle of anxiety continues...
Quote by Jesus
Gaza Strip- home. At least it was before I fucked ereythang up...
Last edited by JimDawson at Dec 16, 2012,
#84
Quote by blake1221
Also, I worship the jersey shore and dyed myself orange.

Ah, so you're not being serious.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#85
Also, I try REALLY hard to make good music and keep disappointing myself. Hell, my profile page only has crap on it that hasn't even been updated for about a year.

Recently I started focusing more on rhythm because I don't want to be another shred wanker.
Quote by Jesus
Gaza Strip- home. At least it was before I fucked ereythang up...
#86
Quote by jakesmellspoo
i haven't been there for two years now.

one of the deans made me take a medical leave instead of outright failing my second semester.

i can still go back, but i have no plans to as i'd be on academic probation right off the bat and i couldn't stand 90% of the classes i was taking.

also, i'm not about to let Sallie Mae slide their dick any further down my throat by taking out another loan.

been halfheartedly attempting to find a job/get my license/go to community college since then.

might (big emphasis on might) get a job working nights unloading trucks for $18/hr


18/hr is pretty good for only having three credits after two semesters at college.
you're a stone fox
#87
Quote by JimDawson
Same here, I know what that's like. I have two close family members die from cancer and it has made me somewhat of a hypochondriac. Funny thing is that the hypochondriasis can easily turn into an actual problem.

And the cycle of anxiety continues...

Damn...

Sounds like your family genes has a disposition to get cancer, which is not uncommon. I think in your case, you should absolutely be on guard at all times without losing composure/gaining too much anxiety. But be on guard and get your checkups in regular intervals. Early detection is key.

The silver lining to what happened to me and you probably already think the same thing: the "fear" keeps you in check regarding your health. I don't slack off on that shit anymore.


Quote by JimDawson
Also, I try REALLY hard to make good music and keep disappointing myself. Hell, my profile page only has crap on it that hasn't even been updated for about a year.

Sounds like you could give my article a read

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#88
Quote by WCPhils
Ah, so you're not being serious.


Nope, the masturbation shiz is 100% trufax
#89
Quote by blake1221
Nope, the masturbation shiz is 100% trufax

Ok then. I have a confession

I was the same, though it may have been the end of eighth grade.


It just never crossed my mind as a thing to do. Then I got an old laptop from a family member, stole internet from my neighbors, (we had no wireless at the time) and the rest is history
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
Last edited by WCPhils at Dec 16, 2012,
#90
Quote by NothingRocks
I haven't watched Citizen Kane, Indiana Jones; 1, 2, or 3, The Godfather part 1, Schindler's List, Ghost Busters, Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, The Thing, or The Shining.


You're not missing out much on Citizen Kane
2013 #5 Uger
2012 #7 Uger

Quote by jetfuel495
Jesus, Horsedick, you are my hero

Quote by JayT44
don't worry guys his girlfriend is black, she said it was okay for him to say that.



Stalk Me

Shitty Covers

Original Music

Lastfm
#91
I rarely jack off to photos or videos, I just use my imagination. Not sure if I should be ashamed of that or not.
#92
Quote by Saint78
18/hr is pretty good for only having three credits after two semesters at college.

i usually just make myself feel better by reminding my dad that at my age he was busy driving my mom to the hospital in his Pontiac Firebird to give birth to me.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#93
One more confession

I've let a girl stick her finger in my anus during intercourse. Not ashamed.

If anyone should be embarassed, it's her. It was her idea. I can't deny that it improved the experience though.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#94
Quote by eGraham
One more confession

I've let a girl stick her finger in my anus during intercourse. Not ashamed.


lol, not true.
#95
Quote by blake1221
Also, I worship the jersey shore and dyed myself orange.


Have I hacked your account or something?
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#96
Quote by slipknot5678
lol, not true.

Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#97
@ Xiaoxi

That's the good part; I used to have a bit of a gut and some stamina issues, but after running lots and getting into martial arts I am starting to get some abs going on all sexy and stuff.

Also, I already checked out your article. Haven't gotten too far yet, but that's because I want to really study it and not just graze over it. Ever since you convinced me that modal thinking is useless I have really rethought what I was doing; I still try and do wheelies with my training wheels (scales) though.
Quote by Jesus
Gaza Strip- home. At least it was before I fucked ereythang up...
#98
Here's a question for you guys:

What was the first thing you jacked off to?

This is a really weird way to start this story off, but bare with me; I really liked Sonic The Hedgehog when I was younger. I'd go to various fan websites and shit, and there was one that had these porn ads with full nudity on them. Just girls, though.
#99
Quote by slipknot5678
I rarely jack off to photos or videos, I just use my imagination. Not sure if I should be ashamed of that or not.


That is a pretty pleb way to go about it.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#100
Quote by The Madcap
Here's a question for you guys:

What was the first thing you jacked off to?


Just my imagination; thinking of girls I find attractive. I was horny as **** and had been resisting the urge to touch my penis in such a way for months by that point. It didn't take much lol.

Unfortunately I've maintained that habit, as I said in my previous confession.

Quote by TunerAddict
That is a pretty pleb way to go about it.


Porn turns me off and I find so many videos that you can tell the women don't want to be in it. My own elaborate fantasies are better. :/
Last edited by slipknot5678 at Dec 16, 2012,
#101
Quote by The Madcap

This is a really weird way to start this story off, but bare with me; I really liked Sonic The Hedgehog when I was younger. I'd go to various fan websites and shit, and there was one that had these porn ads with full nudity on them. Just girls, though.

Nothing. As I said in my first confession, I was outside. I was lying on the ground, just stroking away. Didn't even know what would happen, it just felt kind of good.

I think because of that, I've always wanted to have sex outside. One day.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#102
Quote by The Madcap
Here's a question for you guys:

What was the first thing you jacked off to?

easy.

typing "boobs" "porn" "naked girls" into google and clicking on all the different links.

oh the memories.

oh the computer viruses.

oh that one time i got one of those pop-ups that said the FBI had caught me and i was going to jail if i didn't click "accept"

good times.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#103
Quote by The Madcap
What was the first thing you jacked off to?


Some miscellaneous porn I downloaded off of Morpheus when I was 9. My mom discovered my downloads and I got grounded.

Suffice to say, my method of covering my tracks saw substantial improvement.
Quote by Jesus
Gaza Strip- home. At least it was before I fucked ereythang up...
#104
My mom figured out I was looking at porn and talked to me about it. As incredibly uncomfortable as that was, because my sister was present as well, I probably jerked off to it again that same night.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#105
Quote by The Madcap
Here's a question for you guys:

What was the first thing you jacked off to?

This is a really weird way to start this story off, but bare with me; I really liked Sonic The Hedgehog when I was younger. I'd go to various fan websites and shit, and there was one that had these porn ads with full nudity on them. Just girls, though.

I was on IGN and they used to have this "Babe of the Day" section.

Lucy Pinder iirc


There was also this other girl they had posted at another point and when I goggled her name a news report popped up saying she had committed suicide. I still went to google images after finding that out. ;_;
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
Last edited by WCPhils at Dec 16, 2012,
#106
Quote by JimDawson
@ Xiaoxi

That's the good part; I used to have a bit of a gut and some stamina issues, but after running lots and getting into martial arts I am starting to get some abs going on all sexy and stuff.
Yea, exercise is super important, as well as a vegetable/fruit-heavy diet. Avoid too much red/processed meat. Also daily: antioxidant, omega-3, vitamins. Tumeric and aloe have shown to be very good at staving off/curing cancer. A well functioning digestive system is probably the most important, since a lot of cancer stems from this.

Also, I already checked out your article. Haven't gotten too far yet, but that's because I want to really study it and not just graze over it. Ever since you convinced me that modal thinking is useless I have really rethought what I was doing; I still try and do wheelies with my training wheels (scales) though.

That's cool. I tried to keep it as simple and layman as possible, so don't feel daunted in that regard.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
Last edited by Xiaoxi at Dec 16, 2012,
#107
Quote by WCPhils
I was on IGN and they used to have this "Babe of the Day" section.

Lucy Pinder iirc


They still have that section.

I used to do that as in middle school.

Also, when I do masturbate to photos it's always clothed women.
#108
I remember when I went to sex.com and the computer freaked out with pop ups so I got scared and hid in the backyard until my mom and dad find out which is when I got the talk.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#109
the happiest i am is whne im oing shit like cuddling or holding hands with someone im deeply infatuated with

although i havent had someone in my life like that for a while ill be alright mang cause this fine old world it keeps spinning around




#110
Quote by The Madcap
Here's a question for you guys:

What was the first thing you jacked off to?

This is a really weird way to start this story off, but bare with me; I really liked Sonic The Hedgehog when I was younger. I'd go to various fan websites and shit, and there was one that had these porn ads with full nudity on them. Just girls, though.

When I started jacking off, we still had dial up, so there was no way I was getting porn. I always used my imagination until we finally got DSL.
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....
#111
Quote by JimDawson
Some miscellaneous porn I downloaded off of Morpheus when I was 9. My mom discovered my downloads and I got grounded.

Suffice to say, my method of covering my tracks saw substantial improvement.

i didn't get caught until i was like 15 when my dad came home and used some magical eagle vision to see through the curtains in the front window of our house.

and the other time when IE updated and i couldn't figure out how to clear the history.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#113
Speaking of IGN's BotD section. One time my ten year old brother was looking at it on the family desktop computer while everyone was in the room. The computer was positioned so no one could see the screen. My mom then stood up and saw it.

lols were had.
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#114
Quote by The Madcap
Here's a question for you guys:

What was the first thing you jacked off to?

This is a really weird way to start this story off, but bare with me; I really liked Sonic The Hedgehog when I was younger. I'd go to various fan websites and shit, and there was one that had these porn ads with full nudity on them. Just girls, though.



Kari Byron, when I was watching the Mythbusters back in like 2004.
#115
Quote by NothingRocks
Kari Byron, when I was watching the Mythbusters back in like 2004.

Excellant
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#116
Also, it really gets to me when I realize I made a mistake or someone proves me wrong. Or when I am doing something I put a lot of thought into and people disregard it like it's nothing.

I am a grammar and spelling Nazi because I am OCD like that.

Sometimes I have to calm myself down and reset because I can't think straight after this happens.
Quote by Jesus
Gaza Strip- home. At least it was before I fucked ereythang up...
#117
I've been hiding UG from my parents every since I joined. I would always browse UG with people in the room so I positioned the monitor so they couldn't see. One day they got a glimpse and they knew it was a forum of sorts (they used to be the crazy 'protect my kids from the internet type) and I changed to UG black so they would think I stopped coming to the site.

Not quite a confession but Phils's post reminded me of that.
#118
Quote by StewieSwan
My 7 year old student had a bulge in his pants today and I stared at it way longer than I should have.

My old guitar teacher used to wear really tight jeans and when he'd ask me to watch him play something to try and match his technique he always seemed to have his fretting hand on the higher frets just above his junk. The bulge was impossible to avoid. Once you notice it, you can't ignore it.
#119
I don`t remember what the first thing I beat off to was, but I`ve only been caught once and I think the story is still in somebody`s sig.
One of the third friendliest users
Stratkat's pet


Quote by Momentosis
Void is a wanker that's why

Last edited by FireFromTheVoid at Dec 16, 2012,
#120
first thing i jerked off to was a certain lesbian website with pink in the title. i used to think masturbation was just getting a boner and seeing how logn it woudl last (dont ask me why i thought that, blueballs mustve felt good or somethin) i remember that time i decided to try something different. i remember how i gave it a few strokes and thought i had to pee or something so i ran to the toilet and jizz started leaking out. still in the top 5 orgasms of my life tho tbh

^are you the dude who used shampoo and then your dad saw you in the hallway or something?