#1
Hey guys, Here are the first lyrics I wrote after moving on from my first band. Lemme know what you guys think! (Red is the Chorus)


"Forsake Me Not"
I’d rather see you bleed from your eyes than look me in the face again.
I’m not worth of your trust? You’re not worthy of my ****in’ time.
You go your way, and I’ll go mine.
Our chapter ended when you though the truth was just another lie


I watched the gavel fall as you quickly passed your judgment.
Clean as I was you still saw faults and only looked towards your own gain.
I can no longer trust those close to me as for fear of another knife.
A well placed strike to the back followed cascading crimson.

My veins pulse with fresh red blood and a feeling of hatred.
Every second you live under the old banner the more enraged I become.
Your existence is a gift from me as we both know who shaped you.
Without me you were nothing, and you will return to that soon enough.

I’d rather see your bleed from your eyes than look me in the face again.
I’m not worthy of your trust? You’re not worthy of my ****in’ time.
You go your way, and I’ll go mine.
Our chapter ended when you thought the truth was just another lie.


I want to see you fail, I want to see you fall.
The more anguish you feel the better.
Betrayal is a bitch, but so is Karma, and your time is coming.


The silence was a calm before the reckoning.
Just because you sent me out doesn’t mean I’m done.
Today will show who is the better soul.
Its far from over…
I Will Make You ****ing Remember Me!
"Betrayal is a bitch, but so is Karma, and your time is coming."
#3
Quote by OSORLeads

"Forsake Me Not"
I’d rather see you bleed from your eyes
Than look me in the face again
I’m not worth of your trust?
You’re not worthy of my ****in’ time
You go your way, and I’ll go mine
Our chapter ended when you though
The truth was just another lie


I watched the gavel fall
As you quickly passed your judgment
Clean as I was you still saw faults
And only looked
Towards your own gain
I can no longer trust those close to me
As for fear of another knife
A well placed strike to the back followed cascading crimson
^
Loved that line

My veins pulse
With fresh red blood
And a feeling of hatred
Every second you live
Under the old banner
The more enraged I become
Your existence is a gift from me
As we both know who shaped you
Without me you were nothing, and
You will return to that soon enough

I’d rather see your bleed from your eyes
Than look me in the face again
I’m not worthy of your trust?
You’re not worthy of my ****in’ time
You go your way, and I’ll go mine
Our chapter ended when you thought
The truth was just another lie


I want to see you fail, I want to see you fall
The more anguish you feel the better
Betrayal is a bitch, but so is Karma, and your time is coming

The silence was a calm before the reckoning
Just because you sent me out
Doesn’t mean I’m done
Today will show who is the better soul
Its far from over…
I Will Make You ****ing Remember Me!


Long lines my friend, I tried to adjust it a little bit. Anyways, you have some good lines here and there! Let me know if you liked the change or if you prefer it your way

Overall, an emotional/angry piece. Which actually hit me at certain points... less swears could have made it better I think, just my opinion though. I'm not against profanity in poetry, its just that... it should be used in a modest way. But what do I know? Some may like it you know.
Last edited by Eccer at Jan 2, 2013,
#4
Thanks for the review! I had longer lines because the song it goes to is a very fast tempo song. When I get it all recorded I'll put it on my page. The cursing is my adaptation of what people actually say in these situations. Thanks again!
"Betrayal is a bitch, but so is Karma, and your time is coming."