Seb1uk
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
4,005 IQ
#1
Don't start kicking off if it isn't prog, I never know what genre to put my music and 'prog' is the most vague I guess, not too bothered but if you have a suggestion go for it.

This took a good amount of my time in the last 3 or 4 days to write this, it's got its problems, but I just wanted a finished piece finally to upload for feedback. I've never written anything in this kinda structure before, but listening to BTBAM a fair bit recently made me wanna write something like it (without all their really dissonant/not very melodic bits). And The HAARP Machine's new album has been getting a lot of plays too and I can tell on some sections they've influenced me. Not the most creative section titling either but I had no idea what to call them, I just needed to distinguish between sections.

So just highlighting some main points that I'd like to get feedback on in particular...
- The intro was pretty hard for me to harmonise with, so I think there might be a few 'wrong' notes in the distortion guitars.
- Bar 53 and 57, well the transition into Bridge 2 really.
- Should I make the breakdown more interesting or heavier? Also not sure what to think of Post-Breakdown going into Bridge 4.
- Not sure how I feel about Chorus 2 to finish on, and the ending itself.
- I think I've got a few 'wrong' notes in some of the last sections, hard to tell.

The bass is dull as well for most part, I know, but I'll make it more fancy later.

I know I'm asking for a bit much there but any crits are appreciated too and I'll c4c of course.

Cheers.
Attachments:
rock 295 v12.gp5
EpiExplorer
orsonfacenospace
Join date: May 2008
5,597 IQ
#2
I'm not really sure what to say. Its not 'bad', I probably dont really get it. Criticisms I have though:

-Intro melody, while complex and fairly interesting, uses a very typical scale in prog-metalcore/djent, sounded like a childrens 'horror-cartoon' PG film theme thing, kind of out of place.

-The nearly constant lead playing is a bit much. It doesn't add much to the song other than filling up on notes that lack any memorability or emotional sustainability. Also the distorted chords underneath the intro lead just seem out of place and make the track slightly odd, cuz they're all sus2's or sus4's with no defined resolving chord afterwards.

-The mostly Aeolian riffing is a little like the intro, as there's not much that adds drive, that's mostly left to the drums, which are pretty well composed for this sort of peice actually, but cant carry it on their own.

-Bar 57 is the only bar that works as a build up to the next section. The other riffs before it lack weight or any sense of something changing. Bridge 2 is the one of a few bits I like so far.

-The tonality rarely shifts from the scale you've set it to, and this makes the overall song just feel like one massive anticipation for something that doesn't happen.

-Breakdown is unneccesary, as there was nothing to break from in the first place.

-Post bridge 4 sounds better in tab than it would as a recording, mostly cuz of all the harmonizing.

-Chorus 1, dont know why its so late into the song, but anyway, seems kind of AAL-ish, its a nice change in tonality, nearly enough to make up for the previous stuff, good chord progression, even if the order of the progression is a little iffy. The distorted arpeggios very quickly got annoying though. Chorus 1 should've been a lot earlier in the song for chorus 2 to even have a chance of working, and its also just lots of convoluted lead playing over unexciting chord progressions for some reason.

-Post breakdown was good as a written piece, but it should be placed somewhere else where there's a need for a build up, it doesn't sound good for resolving the breakdown.

-While I can see the attempt to break monotony at Bridge 3 by changing the mode/scale, it doesn't actually much affect the overall tonality as most of the notes are still used from the previous sections, so it remains a bit kind of, bland.

Hope I didn't go too far with this one.
o()o

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Last edited by EpiExplorer at Jan 2, 2013,
pigeonmafia
Lurker
Join date: Jun 2008
1,028 IQ
#3
I thoroughly enjoyed the song, especially from bar 123 up to and including 181. However, I do agree with EpiExplorer: it feels like a massive build up, and not a great finish. At the very least, it required a fade out, bar 182 onwards ruined the build up for me
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Last edited by pigeonmafia at Jan 2, 2013,
Erra93
erriuyai
Join date: Nov 2009
1,682 IQ
#5
Chorus 2 -> Outro is amazing! Especially when the strings come in.

As always, I'm tired and don't have much to say <3
Seb1uk
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
4,005 IQ
#6
Cheers for the crits guys, especially the detailed one there EpiExplorer.

While I don't agree with a lot of the points you(EpiExplorer) made, I appreciate the input. Like, personally I didn't feel anything was out of place or odd in the intro. I can try seeing if I can resolve the sus chords, but my music theory's not great, so that might take a while ha. And the breakdown felt like a needed change of pace to the song in my opinion. Not sure what distorted arpeggios you're talking about in Chorus 1 are though.

And I think you're taking the section titles too literally, I could've called the choruses anything, so just imagine it being Chorus 1 being section F, then Chorus 2 being section G if you really want.

But the whole thing about the big anticipation to nothing, again, personally I felt that Chorus 2 was a climax to the piece. If more people seem disappointed in it then fair play I'll re-work it.

Maybe I'm just more easily satisfied with music, not gonna lie I'm a bit of an Ellie Goulding fan, but I was kinda pleased with this piece. I'm glad you guys brought up those points though, made me a lot more aware of some things than I thought.
frankibo
UG Board King
Join date: May 2007
3,095 IQ
#7
Intro is hauntingly beautiful. Harmonies work well.
1st solo/distorted lead guitar part - very one paced, the constant 8th notes were boring.
The verse is very you, I like it.
Some very jazzy chords dotted around, loving those. Also very epic throughout.
Great use of odd time signatures, felt very natural throughout.
Breakdown is a colossal anticlimax, wouldn't even have considered it a breakdown if it didn't say it. The rapid open hats make it feel like a verse.
Enjoyed the chorus, especially the brief off beat.
Chorus 2 is also lovely.
Very BTBAM, very atmospheric, very epic. Loved it.
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Colossus
jebbe9696
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2009
135 IQ
#8
from the leads guitar enter to the end of bridge 1, i really want to turn it off, if im going to be honest. there is a strong sense of "wanting to go somewhere", but it doesn't, and while it can be used as a great effect, it together with the lead playing constantly, and at roughly the same pace makes the music frustrating to listen to. and instead of resolving the end of bridge 1, it jumps to something entirely different, leaving me very uneasy.
And the exact same thing applies to the start of bridge two to the end of post-bridge 2

The song gets better and better, and in chorus 1-2, and expecially in the transision between them you use it to a great effect (holding the tension a bit longer and then releasing), and its really really good music.

The end is a bit anti-climax however, because i feel like it stopped in the middle of the chorus.


Basically, if you would have given me only the second half, i would have been amazed.
Now, not so.
Seb1uk
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2007
4,005 IQ
#9
Cheers again.

frankibo: Yeah I guess I'll re-do the intro lead. Glad someone liked the intro though, I really liked it myself ha. And alright I'll do something with the breakdown.

jebbe: As much as I sorta see what you're saying, I don't really agree. I guess we just perceive music differently. But I'm not sure what you mean by the lead playing at roughly the same pace, coz the notes are either eighth notes or sixteenth whereas the rhythm guitars are quarter notes.