Saparasa
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2012
76 IQ
#1
Graciously swaying beneath the facade
Deceiving all sense with our intentions
Perceptions pass further than peeping eyes
Apprehension is not an invention

The ones out there, they know, yeah, they know
Pretend to ourselves, no one, yeah, no one
Will distinguish silent cries from silent lies
Admit it now, we know, that they know

Passion overpowers awareness of
The society in close proximity
Searching receivers loom close in orbit
Lose ourselves, escaping from the city

The ones out there, they know, yeah, they know
Pretend to ourselves, no one, yeah, no one
Will distinguish silent cries from silent lies
Admit it now, we know, that they know

Rupture direct to our main defenses
Alluding for now we must separate
Bonding of souls, divided with beauty
Save sorrow, this is time to regenerate
Eccer
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2006
993 IQ
#2
Now this is something better! Clever use of words, and an overall nice flow throughout the piece. I enjoyed it :>

The only line I stumbled upon is

"Passion overpowers awareness of
The society in close proximity
Searching receivers loom close in orbit
Lose ourselves, escaping from the city"

This here seems to interrupt the flow, would leaving it perhaps make it better? Or am I missing the point?
Last edited by Eccer at Jan 6, 2013,
Saparasa
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2012
76 IQ
#3
Hey thanks for the reply Been so busy lately and forgot to reply. Hmm when i read that line i take a pause there and i kinda think it fits but ill think about that. How did you interpret itbecause i reckon it could probably be interpretted in quite a few ways.