Page 1 of 2
#1
What does The Pit think is a good age to let an adopted child be made aware that they have been adopted? Should they be told this their whole life from the time they can speak/interact? If you think an adoptive parent should wait to tell their child, when is the right time to let the child know? Does anyone think it's okay to never make such a thing known, maybe depending on a circumstance (biological parent a known criminal or something)?
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
#2
I'd wait until they are an adult. I think they'd be more prepared to handle the news at that point.
#3
raise them in knowledge of it
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
#5
I think as soon as they're old enough to be able to understand what adopted means.
Quote by GuitarGod_92
when I die of a brain aneurysm I want it on record that its the film threads fault

Quote by GuitarGod_92
Movies are all bad every last one of them

Quote by yope
Fungus has a right to exist. It's a valid life form.
#6
I never really understood why being told you're adopted would be such a big deal.
Quote by Sliide90027
But as a bigoted lemming, you have so cry an Alinslyite slur revealing you lack of reason and sense.


Quote by MusicLord16
BOB 1. ur 20 and two u like evil things and idk if u worship the devil
#8
Quote by Burgery
raise them in knowledge of it

/thread.
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
#9
Probably not until they were adults. Even then, I wouldn't tell them unless they asked. I wouldn't want them to feel like they don't belong in the family, even after being a member of it for so long. I guess if the kid looks different to his/her parents, they might figure it out on their own.
#10
I think not telling the child as soon as possible is a terrible thing to do.
#11
Quote by So-Cal
I think not telling the child as soon as possible is a terrible thing to do.

"Hey son kid, you're adopted. Your real parents are irresponsible and never loved you. To us, you're a complete stranger who leeches off our time and money. Don't you ever forget that."
#12
Yea I'd tell them at a young age too. I think if you wait until they're an adult, it could be a huge life-changing event for them. But if they're told they were adopted at an early age, it seems like they would just accept it. As long as you make them understand that they're still part of the family.

Edit: Don't say that^^ haha
I'm gonna suffer for the rest of my life

But I will always find a way to survive
#13
Tell them early. You let them know that biological ties are not what holds a family together. When they are older they will learn just how ridiculously hard it is to adopt a child and that you must really fucking love them to go through all of that just to clean their ass for several years.

Adopted parents who planned for you and knowingly agreed that you are worth the time, money and effort it takes to adopt you > marriage only because your dad knocked your mom up, broken condom, etc
In my heart I'm with you

every night
Last edited by palm mute at Jan 11, 2013,
#14
Make it a bedtime story.
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


MUSIC THEORY LINK
#15
Tell them on one of their birthdays.
Their gift will be knowledge!!! =D
Voted UG User of the Year 2015 & 2016
#16
Quote by sashki
"Hey son kid, you're adopted. Your real parents are irresponsible and never loved you. To us, you're a complete stranger who leeches off our time and money. Don't you ever forget that."

Who would say it like that to their child?
#17
Quote by sashki
"Hey son kid, you're adopted. Your real parents are irresponsible and never loved you. To us, you're a complete stranger who leeches off our time and money. Don't you ever forget that."

Anyone that would say that to an adopted child shouldn't be considered suitable for adoption.

Imagine if you found out you were adopted (assuming your not) and your parents, that you've known for your entire life, had kept it from you. Wouldn't you feel a bit betrayed? Wouldn't you feel you had the right to know?
Last edited by So-Cal at Jan 11, 2013,
#18
haha, how awesome would that be as a prank for your natural born child, maybe on their 16th birthday...
#19
Quote by sashki
"Hey son kid, you're adopted. Your real parents are irresponsible and never loved you. To us, you're a complete stranger who leeches off our time and money. Don't you ever forget that."

Any decent person would tell it more along the lines of "We accepted you into this family as one of our own and to us you are not a stepchild, but our child".
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
I never really understood why being told you're adopted would be such a big deal.

A kid may find it difficult to understand that the person whom they believed to be their parent isn't really so. It's just a little mind boggling.
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
#20
Quote by palm mute

Adopted parents who planned for you and knowingly agreed that you are worth the time, money and effort it takes to adopt you > marriage only because your dad knocked your mom up, broken condom, etc


Yeah, but can a kid understand that?
██████████████████████████
████████████████████████
█████████████████████
██████████████████████
█████████████████████
██████████████████████████
██████████████████████████


LET'S GO BUCKS
#21
I just don't understand why it would be of any benefit to the child knowing that they're adopted. Even if you convey it in an inoffensive way, it's still going to make them feel like an outsider. If I ever adopted a child (unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) I would treat them as one of my own, without drawing attention to the fact that they weren't our biological child.

Having read the responses, I'm kind of on the fence. I think it's best for them not to know, so they never feel alienated. However, they're gonna find out somehow, so it might be better to break it to them earlier to alleviate the shock, and so they learn to live with it.

I unno. There's a difference between lying and withholding information.
Last edited by sashki at Jan 11, 2013,
#22
I would think that if you're ever going to tell them, it should be from the start.

If a child knows they have been taken in by a family as their own, they'll grow up feeling like they belong, are loved, and may even feel lucky to have been given a better chance than what they would have had. I really doubt that they would take it negatively, if you don't put it negatively, or like it was a big deal that you're not their biological parent. I think if you tell them when they're 18 or something, you're basically saying "Hey, we've lied to you for 18 years! SURPRISEEEE!!!"
This ends now, eat the goddamn beans!
#23
Tell them as soon as possible.

In my opinion, it's better to tell them earlier than later.

I couldn't imagine being in my 20's and being told my parents aren't biologically related to me.

I would feel lied to honestly.
#24
Quote by sashki
I just don't understand why it would be of any benefit to the child knowing that they're adopted. Even if you convey it in an inoffensive way, it's still going to make them feel like an outsider. If I ever adopted a child (unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) I would treat them as one of my own, without drawing attention to the fact that they weren't our biological child.

Having read the responses, I'm kind of on the fence. I think it's best for them not to know, so they never feel alienated. However, they're gonna find out somehow, so it might be better to break it to them earlier to alleviate the shock, and so they learn to live with it.

I unno. There's a difference between lying and withholding information.

You're letting your child believe a lie.
^^The above is a Cryptic Metaphor^^


"To know the truth of history is to realize its ultimate myth and its inevitable ambiguity." Everything is made up and the facts don't matter.


MUSIC THEORY LINK
#25
Quote by AeroRocker
Yeah, but can a kid understand that?

I feel like a first or second grader could understand.
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
#26
For those who think wait, imagine your parents tomorrow telling you they aren't your biological parents and that you were adopted.
Quote by AeroRocker
Yeah, but can a kid understand that?

That part wasn't for kids, it was tied into the point before it about when they get older. The part for kids is where you make sure they understand that you loving them is not dependent on them sharing bits of your DNA. Only probably not worded that way
In my heart I'm with you

every night
Last edited by palm mute at Jan 11, 2013,
#27
When you're on your deathbed. In fact I'm going to say that to one of my children when I'm right about to die. And they won't be adopted.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
#28
Quote by sashki
I just don't understand why it would be of any benefit to the child knowing that they're adopted. Even if you convey it in an inoffensive way, it's still going to make them feel like an outsider. If I ever adopted a child (unlikely, but hypothetically speaking) I would treat them as one of my own, without drawing attention to the fact that they weren't our biological child.

Having read the responses, I'm kind of on the fence. I think it's best for them not to know, so they never feel alienated. However, they're gonna find out somehow, so it might be better to break it to them earlier to alleviate the shock, and so they learn to live with it.

I unno. There's a difference between lying and withholding information.

I feel like a kid has the right to know the truth about their parents.

There's also a trust factor. If you can reveal such information to a kid at a young age, it makes sense that they would be able to trust you. Likewise, if they find out later or you never tell them directly and they find out otherwise, that could develop a rift.
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
#29
Quote by Gibson_SG_uzr55
I feel like a kid has the right to know the truth about their parents.

There's also a trust factor. If you can reveal such information to a kid at a young age, it makes sense that they would be able to trust you. Likewise, if they find out later or you never tell them directly and they find out otherwise, that could develop a rift.

That is true, but I still feel like a kid would have a harder time dealing with it than an adult would. An adult, especially one who lives on their own, can survive the rift, since they're more independent, and potentially have other people they can trust (eg. friends, partners). A kid would have no-one else to turn to. When it turns out that the people you put the most trust in aren't your real parents, that can be a huge blow. Suddenly, you're living in a house with strangers who take care of you for reasons you don't understand. Who would comfort the kid in that situation?
#30
On your deathbed.
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#31
What age kid are people talking about here? You don't wait until they are school age, you let them know as soon as they can talk basically.
In my heart I'm with you

every night
#32
Like usual, Sashki is wrong.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
#34
Quote by Burgery
raise them in knowledge of it

seriously. it's time we stop stigmatizing adoption ffs.
#36
What possible benefit could come from telling someone they're adopted? Unless it becomes medically relevant to reveal that information, keep it to yourself.
#37
Quote by sashki
"Hey son kid, you're adopted. Your real parents are irresponsible and never loved you. To us, you're a complete stranger who leeches off our time and money. Don't you ever forget that."

and we also have to quit using terms like "real parents" to refer to biological parents. yr real parents are the people who raised you, biological or adoptive.
#38
Quote by zdh
What possible benefit could come from telling someone they're adopted? Unless it becomes medically relevant to reveal that information, keep it to yourself.
Avoiding psychological damage when they ultimately find out?
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
#39
Quote by zdh
What possible benefit could come from telling someone they're adopted? Unless it becomes medically relevant to reveal that information, keep it to yourself.

if i was adopted i'd quite like to know.

keeping it hidden is a way to treat it as a negative, destructive thing, when in reality adoption is one of the most beautiful and wonderful things anyone can do. it should be celebrated, not shamed.
#40
I think at a young age. When they start learning the concept of actual parenthood, and how a family is what is meant to be perceived. Maybe 5-6 years of age? I would rather them be familiar with the concept when they are younger, then to find out later on in their teenage years where they might feel a sense of abandonment.

If they decide to find their biological parents, I would rather it be after they're 18 so they are a little more mentally prepared for the journey they embark upon.
Page 1 of 2