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SonicJakTheSack
Registered User
Join date: May 2012
49 IQ
#1
When hugging someone do NOT act as if you are hugging your stinky aunt may that you have to see twice a year in order to stay in the will. This just aint going to fly. Be a fakebitch on your time!
A hug is not about you... wow, that was kind of simplistically profound...let's all say it again, together this time.

A HUG IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Very nice.

I see, I need to return to WHAT for just a moment.
A hug is:
The physical representation of your feelings for the hugee (not HUGE-e, HU-gee), i.e; deep regard, emotional attachment, honoring the person for being, etc.
The best way to transfer energy to someone.
Boobie crushing...sigh...yeah....Magnificent spheres of glutinous joy tipped with delectable points...ahem..um...

HOW...yes...the HOW!

Wrap your arms around your chosen victu..er, targe...um..PERSON! yes, person! no,no,no,no...not around their neck! DO NOT CRUSH THAT WINDPIPE! Are you listening to me? Good..

Taller people should wrap their arms over the shorter persons. Shorter people, grab dat ass!

Hugging is NOT squeezing your arms tight! The proper hug starts in your toes. Bring that energy up, feel it buzzing up your legs, let it linger in your groin...perhaps let it linger just a bit longer, feel it warming your belly. As it hits your heart divide it into three parts (quickly man, we don't have all day! There are a lot of people waiting for hugs out there!!). Let two waves of energy shoot down each arm and unleash the uni-beam of pure unadulterated love shoot from your heart (caution is urged here so that you do not blow the heads off of REALLY short people).

NOW the tricky part, the energy in your arms must be shot out of your palms like repulser beams to keep said person in the warm circle of your embrace or they risk being propelled to Japan by you heart uni-beam.

Let me take a moment here to answer any miscellaneous questions..
Back patting?
For guy to guy hugs... definitely. It lends itself to the illusion of a hearty chuck on the shoulder and removes any homoerotic overtones.
For guy to female...not so much, you want to make her feel special, not like she just scored a touchdown.
Female to female in a glorious boobcrushing crescendo of mammary mashing magnificence...sigh..wait, what was the question? nevermind

Rocking? Hmm... tougher one, generally I say no, unless you are lip locked at the moment. Others may think you are dancing and call in a Baptist to break things up.

How long do you hold a hug?
A minimum of two deep soul searing breaths. Three is better. Five is GREAT (although it is understood at events and such that time and public orgasm may limit this number).
Why? You want to breath in all that is the person you hold. You want your energy to flow through them and back to you a perfect circuit of love and acceptance. You want to acknowledge to the person you are hugging that you love them because they are such a wonderful person who although flawed is accepted by you, absolutely. Of course in turn, hopefully they accept all the ****ed up shit that is the essence of you.

Now that you understand the concept, have been practicing on family, pets, trees and random light poles. Joinup Be counted! Get out there and Hug Someone!!
Burgery
crack hitler
Join date: Nov 2009
3,179 IQ
#4
thank you sonicjackinthesack
Quote by korinaflyingv
On the come up we were listening to Grateful Dead and the music started passing through my bowel and out my arsehole as this violet stream of light. I shat music. It was beautiful.
Stugg334
Bristolian
Join date: May 2009
368 IQ
#5
all hail roaraudio multi
Quote by slash11896
I picked up my guitar this morning and started playing next thing i know i cant stop playing In the key of A, the first letter or her name, I ended up recording a whole song in A.


Quote by WhiskeyFace
I like women with balls.
eGraham
Rattle That Lock
Join date: Oct 2008
1,567 IQ
#13
I was once a novice hugger, but thanks to SonicJakTheSack's program, I'm hugging on a phD level. Thanks, Jak!
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
ryan_nadon
ass brain
Join date: Mar 2008
134 IQ
#14
I got halfway through the first paragraph before I realised this whole thing was going to be terrible.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
Your post was the only bright spot in this disgusting piece of thread.

Quote by lexanirider78
You have balls. I like balls....(awkward silence)

Quote by SeveralSpecies
I waited for the rape.

...


...but the rape never came
Bob_Sacamano
UG Board King
Join date: Jan 2012
238 IQ
#15
Quote by ryan_nadon
I got halfway through the first paragraph before I realised this whole thing was going to be terrible.

I only got halfway too so I haven't read the part yet where it says not to choke your victim.
Quote by Sliide90027
But as a bigoted lemming, you have so cry an Alinslyite slur revealing you lack of reason and sense.


Quote by MusicLord16
BOB 1. ur 20 and two u like evil things and idk if u worship the devil
MakinLattes
fully retractable
Join date: Mar 2007
1,097 IQ
#16
Quote by JackWhiteIsButts
Let's not get hung up on technicalities.

It undermines his entire point and will lead young readers to hugging women with bread strapped to their chests.
AtaBorMan
UG's reclusive wanker
Join date: Jul 2009
480 IQ
#17
Quote by Todd Hart
Shooting your friends with a real gun is a definite faux pas.

Quote by mystical_1
Professor Plum in the Studio with a new Amp

Quote by snipelfritz
If only I were the only one at home right now. I don't need my parents asking who Mr. Wiggles is.
T00DEEPBLUE
Boba FRETT
Join date: Oct 2010
2,270 IQ
#19
10/10 Would read again.

I actually did find reading that enjoyable.
Quote by Axelfox
Please understand how little we as a community care
MakinLattes
fully retractable
Join date: Mar 2007
1,097 IQ
#20
Quote by CoreysMonster
I believe he meant "gelatinous".

Don't bring Bill Cosby into this.
mtshark
is the bees knees
Join date: Jul 2009
1,497 IQ
#21
Nominate this man for a Pulitzer
I pride myself on my humility.
Nero Galon
Alright, Alright, Alright
Join date: May 2012
2,489 IQ
#23
Jesus man, why are you giving out such good advise for free?

You should be selling this coveted technique.

By the way, can I borrow £50k to pay my lawyer because I accidentally killed a girl when I hugged her (yes you warned me about the uni-beams but I needed more practice!)
Demon Wolf
GT's Iron Fisted Leader
Join date: Jul 2005
1,902 IQ
#24


proper boss hug
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,828 IQ
#25
I picked one sentence to read from all that and it was this:

As it hits your heart divide it into three parts (quickly man, we don't have all day! There are a lot of people waiting for hugs out there!!).

I have gotten what I needed from all this. So thank you. That is all.
Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
bloodtrocuted93
UG's Crack*****
Join date: Dec 2008
104 IQ
#26
Haha, this is wonderful. But let's not underestimate the significance to use hugs for warmth! My dealer and I spent two minutes hugging once for the sole purpose of keeping warm, because smoking outside in December kind of sucks. With big boobed friends, sometimes it's necessary to adjust the position so prevent them smashing together. But it's all good. Now I wanna hug someone, haha.
Zaphikh
Custom User Title
Join date: May 2009
128 IQ
#27
Quote by bloodtrocuted93
Haha, this is wonderful. But let's not underestimate the significance to use hugs for warmth! My dealer and I spent two minutes hugging once for the sole purpose of keeping warm, because smoking outside in December kind of sucks. With big boobed friends, sometimes it's necessary to adjust the position so prevent them smashing together. But it's all good. Now I wanna hug someone, haha.

Crofty89
I came here to rock
Join date: Jan 2010
727 IQ
#29
If one party does not end up severely bruised and with possible bone fractures, it is not a true hug!
Quote by CV334

Sir, the contents of my mouth just blew all over my keyboard, desk, and part of my monitor. For the record, it was slightly chewed Keebler cookies and coffee slurry.

The average pitmonkey's response to my jokes.
Primus2112
whatever you say "Mor-ty"
Join date: Jul 2008
916 IQ
#30
Quote by Zaphikh


jesus
Quote by raoooos
slipknot are actually just terrible, they're such a "holy shit i'm 14" kind of band. like fuck off mum i'm not going to school i have to clear the stone of leaves.
snipelfritz
Senior Fun Correspondent
Join date: May 2006
1,563 IQ
#31
EDIT: ****, thought I was in the chat thread...
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
Last edited by snipelfritz at Jan 31, 2013,
Saint78
julian wells
Join date: May 2009
1,760 IQ
#32
Quote by SonicJakTheSack
When hugging someone do NOT act as if you are hugging your stinky aunt may that you have to see twice a year in order to stay in the will. This just aint going to fly. Be a fakebitch on your time!
A hug is not about you... wow, that was kind of simplistically profound...let's all say it again, together this time.

A HUG IS NOT ABOUT YOU

Very nice.

I see, I need to return to WHAT for just a moment.
A hug is:
The physical representation of your feelings for the hugee (not HUGE-e, HU-gee), i.e; deep regard, emotional attachment, honoring the person for being, etc.
The best way to transfer energy to someone.
Boobie crushing...sigh...yeah....Magnificent spheres of glutinous joy tipped with delectable points...ahem..um...

HOW...yes...the HOW!

Wrap your arms around your chosen victu..er, targe...um..PERSON! yes, person! no,no,no,no...not around their neck! DO NOT CRUSH THAT WINDPIPE! Are you listening to me? Good..

Taller people should wrap their arms over the shorter persons. Shorter people, grab dat ass!

Hugging is NOT squeezing your arms tight! The proper hug starts in your toes. Bring that energy up, feel it buzzing up your legs, let it linger in your groin...perhaps let it linger just a bit longer, feel it warming your belly. As it hits your heart divide it into three parts (quickly man, we don't have all day! There are a lot of people waiting for hugs out there!!). Let two waves of energy shoot down each arm and unleash the uni-beam of pure unadulterated love shoot from your heart (caution is urged here so that you do not blow the heads off of REALLY short people).

NOW the tricky part, the energy in your arms must be shot out of your palms like repulser beams to keep said person in the warm circle of your embrace or they risk being propelled to Japan by you heart uni-beam.

Let me take a moment here to answer any miscellaneous questions..
Back patting?
For guy to guy hugs... definitely. It lends itself to the illusion of a hearty chuck on the shoulder and removes any homoerotic overtones.
For guy to female...not so much, you want to make her feel special, not like she just scored a touchdown.
Female to female in a glorious boobcrushing crescendo of mammary mashing magnificence...sigh..wait, what was the question? nevermind

Rocking? Hmm... tougher one, generally I say no, unless you are lip locked at the moment. Others may think you are dancing and call in a Baptist to break things up.

How long do you hold a hug?
A minimum of two deep soul searing breaths. Three is better. Five is GREAT (although it is understood at events and such that time and public orgasm may limit this number).
Why? You want to breath in all that is the person you hold. You want your energy to flow through them and back to you a perfect circuit of love and acceptance. You want to acknowledge to the person you are hugging that you love them because they are such a wonderful person who although flawed is accepted by you, absolutely. Of course in turn, hopefully they accept all the ****ed up shit that is the essence of you.

Now that you understand the concept, have been practicing on family, pets, trees and random light poles. Joinup Be counted! Get out there and Hug Someone!!


i love you.
you're a stone fox
skylerjames13
Dude
Join date: Jan 2009
2,068 IQ
#34
i kinda have a semi hard on now
Quote by DonGlover

You look like a young Eugene Levy, but with a moustache.

Quote by slapsymcdougal
Quote by Dreadnought
Kicking a man when he's down, I'm proud of you

When they're down is the safest time.

Soundcloud
AcidParadox
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2012
528 IQ
#35
Awesome, just wonderful work. I give it ten-thousand thumbs up!
=w=eeze
MY HORSE MUST LOSE
Join date: Dec 2008
501 IQ
#38
It kinda feels like this was copypasted from somewhere else or transcribed from a video or something. Whatever the case, whoever did write it is brilliant.
LOVE ANTHONY GREEN?
Quote by sneyob
I am slightly disappointed =w=eeze took me out of his sig.

But that's okay.

^Consolation Sig
Cianyx
UG Nerd
Join date: Dec 2008
1,216 IQ
#39
thread of 2013
| (• ◡•)| (❍ᴥ❍ʋ
S0n1c '97
Guava king
Join date: Oct 2009
707 IQ
#40
Quote by SonicJakTheSack
Female to female in a glorious boobcrushing crescendo of mammary mashing magnificence...sigh..wait, what was the question? nevermind

This is going into my sig. Nao.
Minecraft: Sonic
League of Legends: CinoSRelliK


Currently Playing/listening to/Reading:


Kerbal Space Program,
Binding of Isaac
Opeth - Orchid
S. by Doug Dorst
The Martian by Andy Weir