monkeyguitar78
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2005
10 IQ
#1
So I'm finishing up my first folk/country EP. A bit of a genre departure for me. Here's on of the tunes I've been working on, let me know whatcha think

He said, "wont you come home now?"
But I don't know where that is
He said, "with us, I'm sorry for all of this"
but that's just where I live

Truth is I don't know who I am
or who I was
But I'm sick of what I became
I'm barely even here before I leave again
Hell, I might as well be dead

Everyone's got their time
I don't want to miss mine

The best that I can do is the least you'll ever see
'cause i'm too busy turning my mistakes into memories
I'm not sure where I'll go but here I don't belong
I have to leave if I'm going to find where I went wrong

He said "Come on why do you have to act this way?
It's not so bad I promise I'll show you if you stay"
But everyone's just too damn loud
I can barely even hear myself think

Truth is I don't know whether this is right or wrong
But I need to ask the question to find the answer
someday
This life is short and I'm still so young
Hell, I'd be a fool to stay

Everyone's got their time
I don't want to miss mine

The best that I can do is the least you'll ever see
'cause I'm too busy turning my mistakes into memories
I'm not sure where I'll go but here I don't belong
I have to leave if I'm going to find where I went wrong
shaundp
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2011
66 IQ
#2
Quote by monkeyguitar78
I'm not sure where I'll go but here I don't belong


This line feels kind of weird to me, when I read it the last bit, "but here I don't belong" seems backwards. It works with the rhyme scheme, but just feels a little off.

Other than that though, I really like the song.
monkeyguitar78
Registered User
Join date: Sep 2005
10 IQ
#3
Thanks for your input There's a couple little lines I was iffy on, 'cause yeah, they work with the melody but they read a little strange on paper. It might not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I'll definitely try to work something better out for it