JustRooster
Internet Bully
Join date: Jan 2005
7,165 IQ
#1
I stand on the ocean-bed's dirt and silty altar,
overcome by the shadow of the wave building taller,
ignoring vile threats of the demise that it will offer,
watch my reflection grow in the oncoming water.

The tsunami knows that we alike are a talker,
Rich to convince, but to commit still a pauper,
It's found my little black book that I myself did author,
Used too often to lead the lambs to the slaughter.

That's when they found me out.

So now I'm shackled here.

Awaiting the wave.


Given my godly offers I turn my face back from northward.


With bare chest and nails I bare my teeth to this horror.


The feeble sympathies ask how I will deal with this torture.


With bloody gums smiling, when the wave comes...


"I'll lean forward."

Quote by EyeNon15
Thats too bad, I was under the impression I was arguing something profound

Last edited by JustRooster at Mar 6, 2013,
Invicto91
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2012
44 IQ
#2
I like it. I think it has a good dark feel with a strong sense of defiance laced within.
JustRooster
Internet Bully
Join date: Jan 2005
7,165 IQ
#3
Thanks! It's good to hear exactly that exactly what you were going for is what was taken away.

Quote by EyeNon15
Thats too bad, I was under the impression I was arguing something profound

#1 synth
Weeow!
Join date: Mar 2006
7,350 IQ
#4
That's when they found me out.

So now I'm shackled here.

Awaiting the wave.


(why on earth did you put these three expository lines here. it is so much stronger without them. give your audience some credit, yeah?)

nice control of meter and rhyme. have some problems with the punctuation, especially the ellipses in the penultimate line. solid work overall though