AngryGoldfish
do I "urk" you?
Join date: Jul 2005
6,606 IQ
#3
This isn't the correct forum! Pfffft, these mods know nothing.



*moved to MT*
DisarmGoliath
Disarms Goliaths
Join date: Dec 2008
1,391 IQ
#4
Meh, I was tired and just skim read 'Songwriting' in the title and saw a link in the post
Hey, look. Sigs are back.
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#6
this isn't the right forum either
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
HotspurJr
Registered User
Join date: Jul 2011
191 IQ
#7
So, the interesting thing is you have a pretty strong hook - the soaring melody on "these feelings fade ..." It makes me sit up a little higher, pay attention. It's a great little hook.

But the rest of the song isn't up to it.

The intro is really hard to evaluate because of how poorly it's recorded/mixed. You're more talking than singing there, and there's not much melody, and so it's not very interesting.

Then in the verses, I don't really hear anything in lines 2-4 that really connect with or set up the hook. The first verse is the best, in that sense, but that melody still feels vague. This song is about you belting out that first melodic line ... so I'd really zero in on how the rest of the verse melody connects to it.

The instrumental break isn't that interesting. A good producer might be able to do something with that section, but right now it and your bridge are weak.

It's strange that the first line of the chorus "I'm lost in doubt" comes closest to "those feelings fade" but that makes the verse sort of hard to separate from the chorus, and makes your whole structure a little muddy.

I think you need to really did down and focus on your melodies here. You have a good hook, which is half the battle. The rest of the battle is setting it up properly.

Hum your melody, without your guitar, and that might help you see how it's all sort of vague. Work on your melody without strumming so much, so you don't distract yourself.
Hail
i'm a mean bully
Join date: Jan 2010
431 IQ
#8
do i hear autotune in there on and off? there's something very jarring about some of the vocal lines, but it could just be the backing guitar sticking out too much
Quote by theogonia777
Hail killed MT

Quote by jongtr
I want to be Hail when I grow up.
guitarazn44
Registered User
Join date: Dec 2008
374 IQ
#9
Thanks alot for the response man, it helps me greatly. Much appreciated.