#1
c4c

Twas dusk when death fell upon him…

His heart raced up through his mouth
And poured its final passion into his flight.
It is as if he could see it beating,
As if he could watch it in front of his face.
The chambers of the heart pumped out,
Exploding pure adrenaline into his eyes.
Then pumped in, sucking his body forward.
He watched as the arteries reached out into the horizon.
The veins extended from his fingertips into his soul.
Pumping and pumping and pumping and BANG!

The heart dissipated as a bullet traveled through.
He could not feel the ground as he landed while he thought,
“There is no better time for death than dusk.”
#2
That's wicked dude. It really paints a picture when you read it. I don't really have much to say other then i enjoyed it.
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#4
Thanks guys! It is always an honor to hear that I can entertain people. I have definitely come to find that my poems are perhaps best when they are a story. I am glad you find my stories a joy to read!

Also, I agree about the continuation. I put a ton of thought into whether I should continue it or not, but in the end I decided it is best short because I wanted to capture a man running from a gunman (for some unknown reason) and getting shot a couple of seconds later.

I will definitely keep an eye out for your new poem eccer! message me it if I don't respond for a while. Busy week coming up!
Last edited by 21wickwing at Mar 23, 2013,