#1
Hello everyone,
I'm having a bit of a problem. A while back I decided to start up my own band. I had one before but it split apart. After getting my hope back into the music industry, I decided it's time to get back into it. I'm going to be playing lead guitar, with other members including a drummer, vocalist, rhythm, and bassist. Before jumping into the band this time, I'm making sure I have the right equipment I need. I recently bought a Peavey Valveking half stack, got my third guitar, pedal board, and some nice pedals. I even got a second Valveking just incase my rhythm guitarist doesn't have a good amp to play through. I'm also about to get my mixer, speakers, monitors, etc. for places without a house PA System. I'm basically trying to make it where I am independent and not relying on any band members. It's a lot of funds for me alone to take care of but like the saying, "if you want something done right, do it yourself". After I get my equipment in order and a place to practice, I'm going to hold auditions.

Now that you know how I'm running things. The problem is my best friend. We've been friends for five years and he was in my first band. I was hoping he would be 110% into it like I am with the whole band thing, so I called him up, told him about it, and now he's lined up to be my rhythm guitarist. His amp was an awful hissing Crate amp which was also another reason I grabbed the extra Valveking. He's been using one of my three guitars to practice with because his guitars need fixing. I'm letting him use my stuff UNTIL he gets his own but recently he's been telling me about the things he's interested in buying. Here is a list of stuff: iStomp pedals, Boss Processor, Drum Kit for the practice area, even a bass to mess around with bass lines. So when he tells me this, all that's going through my head is "Why spend your money on stuff that makes no sense at all. Why not instead of buying a $300 processor, use that to get a guitar or to fix one! A rhythm guitarist doesn't even need a processor and in my opinion, makes the guitar sound like crap. All that's needed pedal-wise would be kind like chorus and equalizer." I think about all of this but I can't tell him because of the risk of the friendship. A second problem about him is that he lacks that fire inside to get anywhere with it. I show him stuff to practice and he just has a "meh" attitude about it and never gets serious about it. No matter how much I try to inspire him. Third problem.......he's starting to feel like he has control to reject what I say. Now I don't want to be the guy who is all "this is my band and everyone is going to do as I say", but when I'm the one who has invested $xxxx into getting this band started, and I'm letting him use my equipment, and I'm the one getting everything organized, I think I have a legitimate reason to be a little ticked.

I'm 19 and I just need some good advice about what I need to do in this situation. I feel like I'm going to have to kick him out of this band. Is there some way I can talk to him to set him straight? Or just kick him out, risk the friendship, and continue my dream?

Thanks.
#2
Quote by Dark Link19
I think about all of this but I can't tell him because of the risk of the friendship. A second problem about him is that he lacks that fire inside to get anywhere with it. I show him stuff to practice and he just has a "meh" attitude about it and never gets serious about it. No matter how much I try to inspire him. Third problem.......he's starting to feel like he has control to reject what I say. Now I don't want to be the guy who is all "everyone is going to do as I say", but when I'm the one who has invested $xxxx into getting this started, and I'm letting him use my equipment, and I'm the one getting everything organized, I think I have a legitimate reason to be a little ticked.

I'm 19 and I just need some good advice about what I need to do in this situation. I feel like I'm going to have to kick him out. Is there some way I can talk to him to set him straight? Or just kick him out, risk the friendship, and continue my dream?

Thanks.

pretty gay

anyway, if you actually want to get anywhere kick him out. its simple.
#3
Quote by Dark Link19
Third problem.......he's starting to feel like he has control to reject what I say. Now I don't want to be the guy who is all "this is my band and everyone is going to do as I say", but when I'm the one who has invested $xxxx into getting this band started, and I'm letting him use my equipment, and I'm the one getting everything organized, I think I have a legitimate reason to be a little ticked.


Damned right you should be ticked off, how dare he have his own opinion when you've paid out good money to makes sure that only your opinion matters.
#4
You could a) kick him out. This way you're the only one who can contribute to the band, seemingly what you want

b) realize that you're not the only musician in the group, and that others will have an input on the music. Make sure that you're enjoying yourself rather than getting stressed, otherwise why bother.


You should tell him what you think about him spending hundreds of dollars on shit he doesn't need. He can still get the processor and what not, but he needs his own equipment first.
#5
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
You could a) kick him out. This way you're the only one who can contribute to the band, seemingly what you want

b) realize that you're not the only musician in the group, and that others will have an input on the music. Make sure that you're enjoying yourself rather than getting stressed, otherwise why bother.


You should tell him what you think about him spending hundreds of dollars on shit he doesn't need. He can still get the processor and what not, but he needs his own equipment first.



It's not that I don't think about other people's opinions, and I know people will have input, and it's not him rejecting my ideas as the only problem. He's also wanting me to pay in with him to get a building built for practice......on his property. And the ideas I shoot out there shouldn't even be argued with in the first place. Like for example, we are thinking of the covers to throw in with our first set list. He called me up and said we should do Blood Doll by Anarchy Club.... I listened to it and just said ok. I learned it and we practiced it that weekend. Then I shot in that we should do Metallica's The Unforgiven..... and he say's "I don't think we should" I don't know what world I'm living in but last time I checked, Blood Doll was not considered a greater song than The Unforgiven. Maybe ill just have to choose a different guy for the job.
#6
Quote by ali.guitarkid7


You should tell him what you think about him spending hundreds of dollars on shit he doesn't need. He can still get the processor and what not, but he needs his own equipment first.



This is what you have to do OP. Don't be a dick about it but let him know that he needs to buy his own basic gear before all that other shit.


Also it sounds like your friend doesn't isn't interested or motivated in the because you've become sort of a dictator within the band. You say that you've given him tabs and music to learn and practice but it sounds like haven't asked your friend what he wants to learn. Give him a chance to be a part of the band and make him feel that his input is valuable. But don't fake it, take a genuine interest in what he wants to do and play.


A really important part of being in a band is learning to compromise and listen to everyone's ideas no matter how bad they are.
#7
Quote by Dark Link19
last time I checked, Blood Doll was not considered a greater song than The Unforgiven


Why are you so concerned with what's great and what's not?
#8
Quote by Dark Link19
but last time I checked, Blood Doll was not considered a greater song than The Unforgiven.


Musical taste is 'subjective'.
That means that one song cannot be considered as greater or weaker than another song because the only thing you can use to measure how great or weak a song is is people's opinions, and opinions vary greatly.

Look, this isn't a competition, it's not about who has the best musical taste or who's ideas are the best, or who should be in charge, it's a band, a collective of musicians who all co-operate with each other and exercise a bit of give and take with each other.

It's supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be something that everyone in the band gets something out of, and if that's not happening then there's really no point in doing it in the first place.
#9
Well that's what I'm trying my best not to do. The stuff I show him to practice are just parts on songs that he would love to play, but he doesn't use his pinky and it hinders him. I show him exercises to build the strength up in that finger, but not in a "you better learn this quickly" kind of way. Much more of how a teacher would motivate a student. Maybe people took the first post in a wrong way but I wasn't buying all the equipment to make only my opinion count. I'm doing it so that if a band member in the future leaves, I wouldn't have to worry about equipment. (Happened when first band split) All I would need to do is to audition someone else. It just itches me a little when he almost acts like he owns it when I put a lot of work to get stuff going again. He's even offering people positions in the band even when we discussed we would hold auditions before choosing members.
#10
i would tell him.when i call someone a good friend i can say whatever i want against them. ofcourse you can tell this on a lot of different ways, not just"you stupid **** buy a new guitar instead and show some interest!!". you're both adults now, handle it like that
"If I tell you I'm good, you would probably think I'm boasting. If I tell you I'm no good, you know I'm lying."
#11
Quote by Dark Link19
Well that's what I'm trying my best not to do. The stuff I show him to practice are just parts on songs that he would love to play, but he doesn't use his pinky and it hinders him. I show him exercises to build the strength up in that finger, but not in a "you better learn this quickly" kind of way. Much more of how a teacher would motivate a student.

In other words, you don't exactly consider yourselves as equals. Y'see, this is the point that people are trying to get across to you, you're going about it with the wrong frame of mind.
Quote by Dark Link19

Maybe people took the first post in a wrong way but I wasn't buying all the equipment to make only my opinion count. I'm doing it so that if a band member in the future leaves, I wouldn't have to worry about equipment. (Happened when first band split) All I would need to do is to audition someone else. It just itches me a little when he almost acts like he owns it when I put a lot of work to get stuff going again. He's even offering people positions in the band even when we discussed we would hold auditions before choosing members.

Just out of interest, have you tried sitting down and talking to him about your differences?
#12
Quote by lt mittens
i would tell him.when i call someone a good friend i can say whatever i want against them. ofcourse you can tell this on a lot of different ways, not just"you stupid **** buy a new guitar instead and show some interest!!". you're both adults now, handle it like that


That seems best. I just never thought of it like that. Ill just tell him the deal and if he understands, he does, and if he doesn't, then he just doesn't. It might be that I'm trying so hard not to be a control freak that I'm not telling him what really needs to be said, whether he likes it or not. Thanks.