#1
Hello guys I'm here studying part writing and I'm in the middle of trying to write my first piece.

Can you guys critique this excerpt for me please?

https://soundcloud.com/dannydawiz/string-piece-2

Possibly some feedback on what you guys disliked and what I can do to make it better?

EDIT:







Last edited by dannydawiz at Mar 20, 2013,
#3
needs more bass, but that was pretty cool, lots of contemporary influence, with a few touches of baroque, am I right? The short minor bit reminded me of one of Bach's inventions, I believe it's 4, the one in Dm. Anyway, keep up the good work, and try not to drown in your own vomit, or get a bad eye operation. But have no fear, for where I am, no harm can fall. Now take off them there jeans, little Danny. Oh yeah
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#6
Well, not really sure what you're trying to go for here. I'm gonna be honest and say it needs a lot of work. The harmony is often unclear. I can tell that you're going for a certain harmonic movement in certain places, but then it gets muddied/obscured by "wrong notes" and ineffective extensions. There also doesn't seem to be a real statement in the music so far, and it's just kind of a mist that lacks direction. You need to identify a main idea and build a coherent flow from it, instead of continuously coming up with new material.

If we assume that this is something to be played in a real situation, there are further problems. First, it lacks articulations. Right now, literally everyone is just doing straight detaché bowings over and over again. Not only is that unnatural for some of these figures, it's also extremely bland in texture for something at this tempo. Second, you're not aware of correct metric divisions. You can't simply put a dotted quarter anywhere in a meter, as it obscures the beat groupings and makes it impossible to read/process in real time.

Also, at m.30 1st vlns, I think you mean either a trill or measured tremelo. If trill, put a whole note and trill marking over it (Sibelius: press L and select trill). If measured trem, whole note, then go to the input mode keypad until you see this symbol: and figure it out from there.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#7
I appreciate your honesty Xiao.

By all means i'm happy that you took the time to analyze the score.

Everything you said is true and I acknowledge those errors.

By any chance could you elaborate on what the differences are between clear and unclear harmony?

I understand all the other mistakes clearly but as embarrassing as this is to admit I can't tell what the main differences are between clear and unclear harmony.

I also admittedly have a poor foundation on notation standards that I plan on fixing as soon as I can save up some money on a good book.
Last edited by dannydawiz at Mar 20, 2013,
#8
Quote by dannydawiz

By any chance could you elaborate on what the differences are between clear and unclear harmony?
Clear harmony has mostly to do with effective voice leading and arrangement. I think overall you're being too ambitious and biting off more than you can chew at your current skill level in both the scope of the music and the medium (string orchestra). Try to do something small and simple. This is a lot harder than you think, and it will really get you to focus what matters most.

I also admittedly have a poor foundation on notation standards that I plan on fixing as soon as I can save up some money on a good book.

There's a very practical, cheap notation 101 book from Berkleepress.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#9
Just like Xiaoxi said, it kind of lacks direction. There's nothing really catchy in it. Try to have more clear phrases. It could work as a background music in some kind of anime series (maybe because of the midi sounds, lol). But yeah, the song doesn't say anything. And I think there's too many things happening at the same time. Of course four instruments can play different things but you don't need to make them play different things just for the sake of playing different things. Maybe try to write some kind of clear theme and start building the song over it. I just can't get the grip of it, sorry.
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Last edited by MaggaraMarine at Mar 21, 2013,