TheNameOfNoone
Buckethead's Right Hand
Join date: Mar 2011
2,144 IQ
#1
[notice: thread of same name was created for serious issue, but this one is even more serious]

Since my last girlfriend left me (I overslept the date and she found another guy ), I needed to satisfy my animalistic needs with an alternative. Since I am fond of science fiction literature (especially cyberpunk) I have found my computer being very attractive. All of her (yeah, it's SHE. I'm not gay!) wires, magnetic discs... So sexy. One day, I have started to caress it slowly, and she didn't seem to have anything against it so I slowly got on to it. I inserted my erected member into her (not powered) ventilator and started gently spinning it around only to hear her squeaking and creaking of pleasure.

From that day, I was addicted to my computer. We were making sweet love every day.
Good ol' times :')

But one day, my sister caught me putting my **** into the usb port and she freaked out. She told me she would tell my pc mechanic what she saw unless I get hooked off. I don't want to go to rehabilitation, but I still don't want my love to be taken away by the mechanic! How can I stop this!? Do I need a human girlfriend or else...?
Quote by ChemicalFire
You get my first ever lolstack






The image in my head is just too funny for words at this point


Aw yeah.
Last edited by TheNameOfNoone at Mar 24, 2013,
Weaponized
Join date: Mar 2011
1,756 IQ
#2
Put your penis into your sisters usb port
Last edited by Weaponized at Mar 24, 2013,
TunerAddict
Real Ass Nigga
Join date: Aug 2008
1,184 IQ
#6
Quote by Gantz92
Your penis fits in a usb port?


that was the comment I was gonna make

I guess Bosnians got the short end of the stick, so to speak
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
Skullivan
EG Fan aka Bandwagoner
Join date: Jun 2010
1,556 IQ
#8
What you really need is a new graphics card.
TheNameOfNoone
Buckethead's Right Hand
Join date: Mar 2011
2,144 IQ
#9
Quote by Ian_the_fox
Specs?

Intel Pentium 4 CPU
3.00GHz, 1.93 GB of RAM

Maybe 128MB graphic card, I don't have a slightest idea...

Also, good ol' Windows XP Professional.

EDIT:
Quote by Gantz92
Your penis fits in a usb port?

I have made a 3 inches diameter hole using only a knife.
Quote by ChemicalFire
You get my first ever lolstack






The image in my head is just too funny for words at this point


Aw yeah.
Last edited by TheNameOfNoone at Mar 24, 2013,
Obsceneairwaves
UG Member
Join date: Sep 2011
1,001 IQ
#10
Quote by Ian_the_fox
Specs?


spicks?
It's over simplified, So what!

Quote by eGraham
I'm going to be on top of what is called a knob
Quote by theguitarist
Big ones can be fun in some ways but generally, they are a pain in the ass.
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I don't know what is going on in this thread or why I have an erection.
TunerAddict
Real Ass Nigga
Join date: Aug 2008
1,184 IQ
#11
Quote by TheNameOfNoone
Intel Pentium 4 CPU
3.00GHz, 1.93 GB of RAM

Maybe 128MB graphic card, I don't have a slightest idea...

Also, good ol' Windows XP Professional.


pray for this poor soul
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers

If women can be annoyed there arent any women incongress I should be allowed to be pissed off there are no members of pink floyd or the beatles in congress.
jimmydvn
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2011
349 IQ
#13
didn't think computers accepted three inch floppies anymore
I have no sig, and neither do I want one.
Joshua Garcia
Joshole
Join date: Jun 2009
5,716 IQ
#14
I think you should just get neutered. You're clearly not using that thing right.
Quote by jimmydvn
didn't think computers accepted three inch floppies anymore

They do if you ram it in there. And then sometimes you need to blow on it a bit.
Quote by Hal-Sephira
Have anybody went on high lately?
v Smash dat mf
Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Mar 24, 2013,
Ian_the_fox
Banned
Join date: Feb 2011
2,990 IQ
#15
Quote by TheNameOfNoone
Intel Pentium 4 CPU
3.00GHz, 1.93 GB of RAM

Maybe 128MB graphic card, I don't have a slightest idea...

Also, good ol' Windows XP Professional.
Shit, bro. -1/10, would not bang.


So I take it you're into older women, like ones with saggy tits and arthritis? No wonder why you can't score.
Wesbanez
Registered Abuser
Join date: Aug 2007
1,380 IQ
#16
Quote by TheNameOfNoone
caught me putting my **** into the usb port


Bro got 99 problems but a big d1ck ain't one...
aerosmithfan95
Tab Contributor
Join date: Jul 2008
1,075 IQ
#18
So, your usb it getting a lot of use in your computer's usb port? I guess you have a lot of vital "information" that you need on (and in) your computer.

Wait, you're a weirdo. Get away from me.
Skip the username, call me Billy

'13 Fender MIA Stratocaster
'16 Fender Jaguar

Marshall Vintage Modern 2266

Pedals by EHX, Way Huge, and Boss
muffinduck01
UG's BBW Lover
Join date: Feb 2009
192 IQ
#20
Quote by TheNameOfNoone
Intel Pentium 4 CPU
3.00GHz, 1.93 GB of RAM

Maybe 128MB graphic card, I don't have a slightest idea...

Also, good ol' Windows XP Professional.

So you're into MILFs?
Quote by MakinLattes
I'd kill you and wear your skin.
Quote by Siv During Livh
To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea,

Voted UG's worst cross dresser.
Also voted #95 on UG's Top 100 2013. Like it means anything....
stratman_13
666lb bongsession
Join date: Jun 2007
2,002 IQ
#21
"And then she said 'Hey, that's not my expansion slot!' And my buddy goes.. 'That's not my gold plated 24 pin connector!"
--

How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

--
JimmyBanks6
Cant Steal Ma Santa Hat
Join date: Jan 2009
2,894 IQ
#24
TS is this you???

Sell and Promote your music TuneHub!



wy is yer mad at muy gramhar fer?


Quote by jimmyled
jimmybanks youre a genius.


aparently i ar smrt?
Quote by dyingLeper
jimmybanks youre a genius


GO SENS GO
strait jacket
cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt
Join date: Dec 2010
177 IQ
#25
Isn't this a mirror of a thread a few months ago?
Quote by ChucklesMginty
If God didn't want people to be gay why did he put a G spot in our asses?
stratman_13
666lb bongsession
Join date: Jun 2007
2,002 IQ
#27
Quote by strait jacket
Isn't this a mirror of a thread a few months ago?

Aren't we all just mirrors of ourselves a few months ago?
--

How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

--
thenextkirk92
We're Here
Join date: Mar 2008
2,145 IQ
#28
Quote by stratman_13
Aren't we all just mirrors of ourselves a few months ago?

Deep bro.
edgy meems only friendo :^)
stratman_13
666lb bongsession
Join date: Jun 2007
2,002 IQ
#29
Quote by thenextkirk92
Deep bro.



i was just joking
--

How do you say "I'm okay" to an answering machine?

--
TheNameOfNoone
Buckethead's Right Hand
Join date: Mar 2011
2,144 IQ
#30
Quote by strait jacket
Isn't this a mirror of a thread a few months ago?


Yeah, like I said, I have made a thread of the same name few months ago. However, it was about a less serious problem.
Quote by ChemicalFire
You get my first ever lolstack






The image in my head is just too funny for words at this point


Aw yeah.